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existing Yeah you may have to repost hahah I had no idea there were previous chapters!!! Ahhh

existing I honestly didn't find much wrong you did really well! I hope you get your chapters sorted :P People may be doing the same as I did.

Transparency thank God you're there! Hahaha I reposted everything just now. But might cause a few error if you already added it into your library. About the things you commented about I'm still fixing it! Thanks again! Cheers

existing mm better than wondering why people are confused. Ratings can be rather nasty on this site. It's in my library but it seems to have fixed itself! You are all good! :D

Hi

Transparency Going to https://tiny.cc/WOI-All to suggest edits will make it more likely for me to make them...

Transparency What is the MC making sally do?

that's left for the imagination.

Transparency And if your MC is making her do bad things why would they change the status quo?

Are you sure they are? maybe we just don't have enough time in the story to see them doing such.;,;.

Transparency Hmm all over I am not convinced that the cousin and the MC would just choose to swap worlds there is no reason to. Nice family nice life ect plus the family dynamic seems great. So I find it strange that the MC didn't even think twice. Not to mention the tragic backstory for the mother. How would she feel about losing her lover then her child?

He was acting on a whim, and his flowery words had her in somewhat of a daze, so she just said yes... He will reflect on his decision in a later chapter (or if you go based on the most recent chapter, he has already).

Transparency I am not sure a teenager would call their gf their beloved. Especially in a modern sounding book to a stranger. Maybe Girlfriend or Cousin?

I would have, and this character is based majorly on my personality.;,;.

Transparency How can a guard question Shitsuren or the king for that matter? Back in the old days that was a punishable offence.

If you pay close attention to how things go around this king, you will see that even though the son knows not the father, the son takes after his father, and the father is one who'd prefer to be called Dawson or Ernest to King, and be treated as an equal rather than a ruler.;,;.

Transparency There is a lot of information which would bewilder most people in this chapter. The response of the MC is pretty calm. New world, a new father, new life, Cousin saying yes to going. I would like more info on what the MC is feeling. It's sorta all being explained like someone reading a take-out menu. What does the new world smell like, what does it look like, what are the expressions on the characters faces? Use the 5 senses to explain more of what the MC sees.

I really want to do all this, I just struggle to come up with such explanations with exception of when it comes to food.;,;.

Transparency Kings can't really go out much, is there someone handling his paperwork? Or is he a lazy king?

A little of both, that will be shown in the interlude about the butler.;,;.

Transparency I am also sure they would be surprised the king has a random heir.

Everyone knows that he's from another world.;,;.

Transparency How did an outsider become a king of a nation? This is sorta skimped over.

It will become the core for a later book.;,;. an also for Ernest's chapter.;,;.

Transparency Freedom the character might not know but the readers do.

Well, they use it to talk to Freedom and she is confused since they have no such thing as a stereo.;,;.

Transparency I feel like when I read Carmen's parts the only thing that exists about her character is that she is in love with the MC. Does she have hobbies or something? Especially since she seems like a Female Lead she needs her own identity and not just living through the MC.

Thank you, I have been lacking here... It's because I am not good at getting into the mindset of another character :(

Transparency What Era or year is this based in? A man and women unwed in the old days holding hands would be considered scandalous. Are there new rules they have to follow?

It is a cross-breed of my own creation. So just take it as it is please.;,;.

Transparency Another meat pie ( guard) The MC is getting too many treats he needs to go on a diet.

lol, there will be trials and tribulations come later in this book.;,;. (when he is in magic school)

Transparency << this needs to be removed or added in a way where it doesnt look like a part of the story. It is confusing.

It is part of the story.;,;.

Transparency Didn't it already get leaked about a new son cause the king mentioned it to the shopkeeper?

That could be the reason, however, the king could have assumed confidentiality from them as well.;,;. no plot hole here.;,;.

Transparency If she thinks that way why apologies?

I apologize for what bothers me, even if it is a plot feature.;,;.

Transparency Quite a few point of views here I am having trouble keeping up.

Yah, I think that chapter was the most riddled with them, most later chapters are much better.;,;.

Transparency << maybe swap back to regular English. this way of talking sort of comes out of nowhere.

It seems to, but I will touch on the reason later in the novel, when I have no clue.;,;.

Transparency Why are all the women in your story getting hurt for plot? grumbles Abandoned ( mum) Raped ( random women) Spell hit ( new random women)

"Spell hit" the woman that was about to get raped, not a new one.

Transparency Subtle moves and gestures with how people interact with each other can really add depth to a story.

I struggle with subtleties, I will try harder to that regard

Thanks for all the feedback.;,;.

DeJeL All good if you didn't like my feedback just go with what you agree with!

oliversande Heya!

Transparency I liked that you gave me honest feedback, I just wanted to give you a proper reply.;,;.

Noirkat holy shit. AMAZING!!!! :D Thank you! Can I put in on the main page?

Transparency well sure!, the fanart I make IS for you. All you gotta do is give credit and I dont mind what you do with it hahah