Webnovel.Forum

Hi, guys! Since there seems to be some serious (ly good) reviewing going on in this thread, I just wanted to poke my head out and volunteer my novel, Godking: Ascending the Heavens, for some reviewing. It was previously titled The Traitor God.

As someone who has written typical 'English-style' stories before (long descriptions, tonnes of worldbuilding etc.) writing a webnovel has made me consciously change my style quite a lot to become faster paced - I'm just worried I've swung too hard to the other side.

My strategy was to go fast-paced (perhaps its only fast to me, also a problem) and slowly introduce character description and the world. In short, I'm worried my novel's little tidbits of worldbuilding here and there are too scattered/little for readers to feel immersed.

If you guys could have a look and share some thoughts here, that would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Lord_of_Potatoes sorry, having a headache and difficulty to read through now.

The story is good! I'd score it 4 or 5 for every point except updates and world which I can't tell yet, haven't read much.

The story and characters are nice, the broken speech of the younger sister is interesting!

So is the way Blade plots against him.

I wonder why you don't have more interest - probably because there's no hook or really cool thing to catch a reader in the title, synopsis or first chapter?

Maybe put 2-3 paragraphs of AFTER he has gained power at the start? Then flashback to the start of the story?

Something like, "On that fateful day, what I had thought to be disaster turned into a world-changing encounter. One that would change me and my sister's lives forever.

Brimming with power, I could barely suppress the desire to pay back those who plotted our suffering..." etc etc

So that a casual reader who is just looking for cool stuff can read it and look forward to him rising up in power - and finds the motivation to go through the beginning chapters.

I find a large part of the audience on WN is quite young, with short attention span. They have so many novels to read. So if the first few parts aren't "cool!" enough to hook me, I might give up.

Lord_of_Potatoes when I see all these "wuwuwuwu" in speech, "Thump, thump, thump", I'm close the book.:)

Maili what ways of showing sound effects have you liked...?

Maili

AHAHHAA the things that happen to your writing when you read too many originally Chinese webnovels! Will take this into account.

I kind of think adding onomatopoeia to stories helps add physicality and impact - they make action scenes feel more action-packed, rather than just an author going blahblahblah. But that's my personal writing style, I guess!

Thanks for checking it out :)

I'd be thankful for any reviews and feedback people can give on Classmancers - A MOBA Esport Story.

It's a very experimental story, as I haven't found any other stories trying to do an esport shonen this way. Still figuring out what works and what doesn't.

Also, I can't tell if the story doesn't get much attention because it's a niche genre or because the writing is flawed. So, that'd be great to know.

Synopsis:

Yuel’s life changes when Classmancers rolls into his life, a MOBA video game that’s growing into an official sport. Even with the fitness of a slug, he can finally enjoy a team sport to the fullest!

Unfortunately, the joy is short-lived. None of his peers take the game as seriously and his ruthless tactics only further discourage them from playing.

Fed up with playing alone in the game’s toxic online mode, he sets out to find like-minded teammates. That’s when he meets Lars, an energetic goof with godlike mechanical skill. With Yuel’s brains and Lars’s brawn, they form a dynamic duo and aim for Classmancers’ pro scene.

But first, they must conquer the competitive scenes of middle school and high school. There, they’ll come face to face with the truth: they’re not the only talented players around.

Lord_of_Potatoes i'd rather reply here so other more seasoned WN authors can help?

What is unique about your novel or characters? Is there something you can point out that is different or trendy right now?

Mine was originally "Rebellion Against Fate". Simply changing the name to "No System? No Problem! But it's hard to get a date when you're stronger than titans!" got me 5x the daily views.

Danmachi for example. What would you call it?

In truth, the "picking up girls in the dungeon" doesn't come through in the show - it's more like, Bell inspired by love to seek greater heights and to impress Ais.

But danmachi's title and description sell!

DarkClaymore I added your book early on! It's so interesting and something I've been wanting to write! But probably will never do.

Will get round to reviewing later tonight! Or tomorrow...

Maybe like, you can cross reference to what I wrote about danmachi title and how to "sell" the idea here Ierrech . For example, when I view your book title in mobile, I don't see MOBA prominently. I have to click in to realise it's about that!

Ierrech I actually put "A MOBA Esport Story" in the title for that purpose. Are you saying it's not visible enough?

I don't use the mobile version, so I'm not sure how it displays things. Does it cut things out on certain pages or something?

Lord_of_Potatoes "Thump, thump, thump" it's the sound of scabies, not punches. :)

DarkClaymore oh, just checked. It's fine on mobile.

Seems you have very dedicated and supportive readers! Despite the views around 120k, the votes are keeping you very high!

Are there any things you are actually looking at or want to improve...?

What are collections at right now....

Maili what are some examples? Like if a blacksmith hits a piece of metal, what sound should be written?

Ierrech Collections are about 448 right now (or 442 according to the graph, one of the two must be lying LUL). Not sure if that's considered high here, but I have a feeling it's not. Even on RoyalRoad that amount would be pretty low and I think this site has a larger reader base. And, on RoyalRoad I'm stuck at merely 140 followers. #NeverGetReaders

In general, I'd just like to hear what readers think is good and bad about the story, as well as what they think should improve. I don't get much reviews or criticism, neither here nor on RoyalRoad, so I can't really tell what the majority of the people truly think about the story.

Just from reading few reviews I got, they paint an optimistic picture that make it sound like I'm doing a fine job. But, hard for me to believe that's truly the case. Not only is this story very experimental, but fact is - the story doesn't have that many reader atm.

So, what's the reason? The writing? The story? The characters? The cover? The blurb? I can't pinpoint what I should work on. If the lack of popularity is purely due to the genre being niche, I'll accept it. But, I'm sure there's more to it.

Ierrech qualified material = qualified public = little amount of public

I write my book on my own time because I hate the pressure to release consistently. Plus writing a good novel takes time. School take my whole time.