Webnovel.Forum

Cold_Sun Hey there it's me from the comments, i guess you couldn't see the rest of my reply. I can post it here, have a look. This is for the 2nd chapter edits. Keep in mind that english is my second language. Oh also this is a one time thing so if anyone is up for helping this budding author, go right ahead.

"We are the four Kings of hell, don't try to beguile us." The fourth spoke for the first time.

Fourth spoke in the earlier chapter, so this is not the first time right?

''Rick understood that the four though he had come''

thought

''by defeating every in the floors below''

by defeating every what? Everyone? Everything? Demon?

''but he in no way gave the aura of their master.'

The four looked at each other in confusion. This kid did not look like their master.''

You don't need to repeat 'their master' twice right after another. Could make it more tidy.

'but he in no way gave the aura of their master, nor did he look like him.'

--
''his heart was about to explode

from his chest.''

Why is there space in the middle of sentence? Easy fix.

''This kid did not look like their master. There was no way he looked like

their Master.

Repeat information. I guess you did it to really get the point across? Still, to literally repeat the same thing doesn't sit well. You may change it a bit. Maybe add 'really' to the sentence? Idk, your choice. Oh, also again with the space...

''and put on a disguise and pretend to be Him?''

'and' used twice right after another. While not much of a problem, it is frowned upon.

''What honour would Master have left?''

Honour? Hmm, i feel like this should be 'face'? Or maybe i'm thinking too much on it?

''Rick looked at the Third King and felt something off''

something 'was' off?

''for a while and then dash forward and try to reach''

again with the 'and'

There was no way he had fooled them to such an extent right.

Question mark?

''with smirks in their faces.''

on their faces(not %100 sure, but i think this should be right)

''If anyone else tried to forcefully take Master's artifacts, would be burnt to

cinders.''

THEY would be burnt to cinders. And again with the spacing. It seems whatever program you are writing on creates problems when you copy paste for publishing on inkstone?

''Rick continuously received messages. But Rick did not notice them. As soon as Rick touched the artifacts his vision blurred and he collapsed on the floor- ring on his right hand and the Book on his left. ''
'Rick continuously received messages, but he didn't notice them' would be better?
'As soon as 'he' touched' You don't need to repeat 'Rick' so much.

instead of using '-' why not connect it using 'with'? 'with the Ring'

''The

space expanded in all directions infinitely.''

yup, spacing...

''same clothes but bad the book''

'had'

''he decided to give it up''

'it' seems unnecessary

''He quickly self-inspected his body and then looked around. There was not a single soul around.''
used 'around' twice. It would be better if you found another way to convey the same meaning. Use synonyms if you must. You could rewrite it as;

'He quickly self-inspected his body and then checked his surroundings. There was not a single soul around.'

''Rick suddenly heard a scream behind, before he had taken five steps forward.''

'Before he had even taken five steps forward, Rick suddenly heard a scream behind' would be better?

You think so? Those artifacts

forgot '' before 'You'

"Whow!"

Uh... 'Wow!?' or maybe 'Woah!?'. 'Whow!' is like a mixture of Wow and How as far as i know. It doesn't seem to fit the situation tho.

"I have already left Earth behind. Maybe we will meet again someday. My time is already over. Do well son."

When he says 'my time is already over' it feels like he is dead or something. Maybe you meant it like 'my time has already passed, now it is your turn. Do well son...' Not sure tbh. Eh, can't hurt to bring it to your attention.

Cold_Sun Np man, i skimmed a bit and saw this. Guess i missed it in my first read?

''Rick was already too scared to breath facing these four creatures. But Rick just realised that it was not just Rick who was worried. Even the four "Kings" seemed to be on guard.''

''An idea suddenly popped into Rick's mind.

'I might as well try this.' Rick thought.''

These are just some examples of the problem. I think you should refrain from repeating 'Rick' so much. Try to use more 'he' and 'him' if the scene is still focused on Rick. I don't know any exact guidelines on it, but i'm sure there must be a lesson somewhere on the internet about when and where to appropriately use the character names. Uh, can't really express myself that well with my level of english as i don't know the technical terms for it, so i hope you can understand what i'm trying to convey.

Btw while i was skimming i also thought this looked strange now that i have taken another look at it

"Hey!" Before he had even taken five steps forward, Rick suddenly heard a scream behind.

Is it normal to use the word 'scream' or would 'shout' be a better fitting word for someone calling out to you like that? What do you think?