Nou thanks bro!

() delete those
{} add those
[] My thoughts.

("Toss the bottles inside!") If still using then use 'in' instead of inside
"Burn the whore!" "Slaughter the bitch." [change order]

Startled by the chants, Kaylah jumped out of bed.
{-"Tss..." The old lamp shattered in confusion. I was her father's gift for Christmas.}

"Son of a bitch" she hollered {-roared}
[Sorry, but I had to search what it meant.] (while cleaning her knee.)
{-"Cough...cough..." she gasped, inhaling} (Kylah inhaled )the smog generated by the flame that (is) {-was} {-already} ravaging {the walls} ( borders of her home.) The blaze was destroying everything (in sight)
{-Her sight fell on her whimpering Dog. He was dying}(someone even killed her dog.)
[I don't know how?]

She saw the mob surrounding her home. Her heart pounded, her hands trembled, her knees were buckling, but as she watched {one by one} (one of her) (mementos) {-mementoes} [-use simple word like souvenier, keepsakes vanishing in the fire, or getting engulfed.] vanished, she regained her desire to fight.

(She rushed to preserve the photo, the first one she took with father and placed it in her undergarment.)
She rushed to a cabinet taking out a photo stuffing in her lingerie. [tell who was in the photo later]

Her, original concern was to preserve that picture (and put it in her lingerie.) [no need to repeat twice.

"That whore may be a thief {fast and sleek}, but we have the numbers." "Burn the {whole} place (and the slut into the ground!")
{with the slut in it alive.}
{"Burn her alive."}

Surrounded, by an inferno, (and) her lungs were rapidly filling with smoke. There was no exit, so she had to make one. After looking around, she noticed an aged propane tank, one used for cooking. She rushed at the tank, and while enduring the burns tossed it (toward ) {-to} one of the burning walls.

"Keep it up, men!" "Valentina killed her father, kill this bitch and we will get paid!"

Kaylah heard the name Valentina and (burned) {imprinted it} it into her soul. Unaware, of why her home was targeted, she knew finding this woman is vital. (Only later concluded that her father had died.) [is showing no emotion don't mention now maybe later]

Boom.

The tank exploded and the wooden wall busted open. It had sent flaming shards towards everything, including Kaylah.

Kaylah grit her teeth, as the shards hit her torso, and burned her lingerie. It had caught fire, which caused the edges of her black hair to ignite. {were charred}

{Luckily,} [the word don't seem to fit the situation.]
"Splash" she plunged into nearby riverbed. It was smelly and nasty.}
(Kaylah lived near the nasty riverbed. She realized it would be absurd to slow down and plunged in.)
It was not a decent stream, but it put out the fire on her body.

"Half of you maggots chase her through the river." "The rest of you (vermin) block her escape path."

Kaylah smelled like the ocean [?] {filthy} and the fire had damaged her outfit to bits. (She had to adjust her outfit and scent.)

Using her (speed) and momentum, she made her pursuers to lose sight of her. She had to escape the area promptly, or compromise being exposed. Applying her techniques as a thief, she swiped from a random pickpocket.

Providing herself with cash, to subsidize her disappearance.

She rushed towards a bathhouse, (one acknowledged to sell out bathing garments. It was not a proper method, but) [Again no need for righteousness] it was in the same direction as her sanctuary.

Kaylah broke into the bathhouse, it was a nice {clean} place and
[Add her look para]

she looked dreadful. The servant stared at her in dismay and doubted(,) she legitimately entered but {she looked dangerous, they} knew better than to examine matters. It would be dangerous for her if this (adolescent) ? was someone powerful. {found out her hideout}

The attendants attitude rather upset Kaylah, but she had to tolerate it. She dashed towards the changing room, and while she was disposing of her bra, the old photo {she safeguarded fell.
It was a picture of a middle-aged man with her} [whatever describe the photo]
(her papa took with her fell out.)

Kaylah noticed a note on the backside and wondered, "what does it say?"

MiaoMiao11 Ah! It took a lot of time. I don't think I can continue to edit yours.
I already have 3 ongoing series on my shoulders.
Ahh! My life.
Btw today's good news one of my novels is ranked 140. Haha! highest of all time.
Will look into it whenever I got time and post the edited chapter here!
No need for thanks!!!
:)

MiaoMiao11

Thanks!

MiaoMiao11

I felt bad your edit was better than mine, consider this a freebie ;p

{Remove?} (edited sentence) [Needs a change, I cannot nail it] 

I felt a little bad because I did not really go in depth with your chapter, consider this a freebie.

Monologue: Sky
My life had always been in darkness.  (Pain and grief {of the heart} were ripping away my soul). (I played music to distract myself from my suffering, it was my only relief, my salvation.)
{Bringing music to life made me feel alive.}
[I didn’t care about anyone or anything, living in my {own} shell since childhood. Lost in my {own} world. (A world only for Music.) I {needed no one} in my life. No parents, no friends not even any acquaintances.]
Till her,
Her arrival opened the doors of light in my black world. I felt (warmth and comfort for the first time.) (My soul was healing.)
I needed her!
First time I saw her wasn’t at the Music Video shoot {as she thinks,} but much earlier. I was randomly passing through streets looking for inspiration.
When I saw (her) {on the street distributing flyers.} (Fate must have drawn my gaze towards her because once she walked out of the shade and hit the sunlight she showed the world a captivating image.) Her natural glistening smile beamed her radiant face. A person’s eyes (could not) move away after gazing her face.
Afternoon Sun shined fiercely on her face, sweat like gems dazzled, dripping slowly from her forehead but the bright smile was as comfortable as a morning sun. (I watched her as she walked towards me. My heart to pound, my hands were trembling, I even embarrassingly touched her hand when she handed me the flyer.  {to me.})
(That is my muse!)
They say every artist has a muse. Painters, filmmakers, writers, photographer, music producers!
Like Mona Lisa {was for Da Vinci.} 
Muse, a source of artistic inspirations due to their beauty, character, or some other mysterious quality.
Her beautiful smile made {my first impression of} her {as} ‘Perfect to be a Muse.’
My Muse!
I never meet (anyone who inspired me to write love songs!)
All the way to the studio my thoughts run to her.
I made the (hit) song ‘My Flower, My Muse’ the same day reminiscing her.
(The following day, I built up my courage and head to the same place.) Looking at her I felt something gripping my heart. I build courage took off my hat and beard and walked toward her, thinking I would finally hear her voice, maybe it could be our first interaction.
(But, she handed me a flyer; she walked to another man.) (Somehow I felt betrayed.)
She didn’t even look at me...
I wanted to impress her with my stardom. I knew the consequences could be disastrous if the crowd knows of my presence but I somehow wished to surprise her.
Imagining her looking at me in awe!
I {generally} hated to be recognized in public but it was the first time in my life I wanted someone to notice me.
[Disappointed, I wore my disguise back and stood to observe her.] Where was her smile?
Her eyes seemed lost. Why? I had to know.
I investigated the girl. The more I knew (the) more was I surprised. [A girl from such a rich and big family of the country distributing flyers on a street in a strong sun!]
A family whose name is enough to scare someone.
Her attire was simple too. She had (the nobility of the rich) but her warm attitude and simple clothes made her background inconspicuous.
Her name was Lyna, which (means) Light! 
Bright and beautiful as her name she (captivated me). <MC is stalking a girl he never spoke with SCARY!>

Nou Thanks yes it was easy to read. :)

Forsaken1 Thank you, For the freebie!
Don't mind a few more :p

Forsaken1 No, I kinda edited a single chapter while you read and gave tips for many! I would like to continue but you see I have around 100 published chapter it will be unfair to you.
So when you post a chapter just tag me here. Whenever I have time I will go through It!

Need an Editor though!!!

MiaoMiao11

lol, I would never edit 100 chapters, but if you have a chance take a look at the novel. =] any input you give is very welcome.

Forsaken1 Great then! Willing to help any time. Tag me if you need help, here!

MiaoMiao11

I edited chapter 69 of Reborn as a Mom. I love this story, keep up the good work! I wasn't sure how to fix the first sentence. It says that the moon hung over her head, and then goes on to say "a girl."

69 Tell me you didn't!
Deep in the night, the moon hung over her head. A girl in a white dress strolled aimlessly on the deserted streets.

"Why? Why? Why did you betray me?"

"Victor.... you are dead."

"You did not jilt me. No, I dumped you. I did."

In anger, she kicked a coke can at her feet which landed in a trash can.

A woman was ranting and raving about her ex.

With her back facing him she was walking in front of Ashay.

Her black hair, reaching shoulders, once had distinct red strips shaded like fire, but were now messed up like a birds nest.

He followed her. Why? He himself had no idea.

'Everyone is in pain. The world is in pain.'

Clara's betrayal had sliced his heart in two. Ashay still couldn't still get her out of his head. Sleepless with thoughts of her harassing him, he strolled out for fresh air. He did not expect to encounter a girl suffering the same fate.

"Thud..." the lady fell on the ground.

His face changed, but he still didn't run to her. Maintaining his calm, Ashay walked to her side. He kneeled beside her.

'It's a beauty.'

She didn't seem drunk. He didn't smell alcohol on her. Her red bangs stuck on her forehead due to sweat, eyes closed, she was pale. Seeing her weak and feeble breath, he panicked.

She wasn't drunk.

She had fainted!

He had guessed that the girl got drunk heavily and passed out. This wasn't the case.

There was no one around. No cars, no shops, no taxi.

With great difficulty, he picked her up. He turned around and pulled her hands positioning her on his back.

Piggybacking her, he ran to reach a hospital. The nearest one was still a long way.

As he was running, the person on his back opened her eyes. Analyzing her situation, she hit her fist on his shoulder.

"I'm awake. Put me down,"

She touched her own wrist. "Pulse rate decreased. Blood pressure fell. It was a syncope." she declared in a calm voice.

"What are you waiting for? Go to the hospital." he was desperate than the woman herself.

Her impassive face calmed him down," Do you have any illness?"

"No."

"Why did you faint?" he appeared troubled.

"Stress. I know," she stated with a blank face.

"By the way where were you planning to take me?" she asked in a doubtful tone

"Emergency... Hospital obviously." Ash defended. 'Do I look like a pervert"

"Want to join me for a drink?" she asked.

"Ahh? Are you mad? Drinking in such a condition. You need to rest."

"I know my body better. It is because I didn't eat anything. Buy me food and drinks." she said pulling his hands and dragging him without waiting for a reply.

In a cheap bar with noisy music, the two individuals were grieving of their lost love together.

"Drink! Drink it all... One shot!"

"What do you do?"

"Me? I save lives" she said with a proud smile.

'A doctor' he guessed. She doesn't have the temperament of a doctor though. And the red hair. Does wild hair suit someone who is a doctor?

Totally drunk, Ash gazed at her with an affectionate gaze.

"When did you get here?" he smiled.

His face changed, his gaze became piercing.

"Since you are here now, tell me you never did such things. Never deceived me. Never played with my feelings."

"Tell me you didn't!" he questioned. He held her wrist tight.

"Ah_" she cried in pain.

Her voice awakened him from the trance. He stared at the face. 'Not Clara.'