Hi, Friends.

I have started this novel discussion to get feedback on my novel 'Rise of Zion'. The novel I have started a few days ago now has 18 chapters. The novel nearly has 64k views at the moment. I have found myself realizing the comment section is not being a place for proper feedback. I hope you can take a look at this novel and give me your thoughts and opinions.

https://www.webnovel.com/book/12389302305374305/Rise-of-Zion

'Rise of Zion' rank 313 in the power ranking currently. Chapters will be updated at 12:00 AM (12:00) GMT+8 every day from now on. I hope you can find time to read this novel and evaluate it.

    https://www.webnovel.com/book/12389302305374305/Rise-of-Zion
    In an instant, the world we knew as it was at its end. Volcanoes erupted, Ice caps melted and the coastal cities submerged in the sea. Meteors come down as if it was Armageddon. The sun burned bright red, and then the world was engulfed in a black fog. After waking from a night of agony and pain, the humans recognized the truth, they no longer dominated the world. Zombies and mutated beasts rampaged through the world; Forests grew at an alarming speed. People robbed each other, the society collapsed with the rise of armed mobs.

    Zion, the youngest son of the house of Nox survived this brutal world for ten years and came back one year prior to the end. Now he knows why the world changed. He is not a hero and he is going to claim this world. However, before that, he needs to make contact with the merchant alliance through their shops.

    Please add the following Tags.

    Tags: Reincarnation, Action, Adventure, Male protagonist, Apocalypse, Fantasy, Romantic subplot, Weak to strong, War, Mutant, Kingdom building, Survival, Evolution, Army, Dungeons, Zombies, Second chance, Military, Conspiracies, politics, Leadership.

    Chapters will be updated at 12:00 AM (12:00) GMT+8 every day from now.

      anger

      The novel will be centered around the rise of a new civilization after the apocalypse. The mc will be pragmatic and mold the society to a powerful force to be reckoned with. The novel is still in its foundation stage, so we can wait for the future of mc. ( There is a kingdom building tag ).

        I love stories that go back to the past to stop the imminent doom, and more if that involves zombies.
        But I read 4 chapters and it really hurts my eyes the way you write.

        Sometimes when he thinks something you use "xxx" but some other times you use the proper 'xxx'...And you mix those up in a middle of the sentence so is really confusing, instead of using expressions like ... He frustrated responded to her mother... Yes, mother, we have a deal...You use this weird type of writing..."Yes, 'we have', mother,"

        Also, a lot of sentences you don't use capitals letters to start the conversation...Just wtf.

        Fix your grammar, be consistent with the way you write and maybe the story is worth reading. Because right now, I can't read it properly, it takes an extra mile to me to read such a story, and I really don't want to do that.

        PS: After reading a few more chapters I will post a review on your novel, but don't expect more than 3 stars...

          KoFu_

          Thanks for the info, If possible give me a detailed review here. I edited the first few chapters quite a while back. Still much appreciated if you could take a look.

              Clou_d Chapter 2:
              Zion thought to himself "did I die"? -> Zion thought to himself 'Did I die?'

              Zion rises from the luxurious bed and looked at a full-scale mirror. He saw a familiar yet strange face in the mirror, "how long was it, am I dreaming"? He pinched himself. -> 'How long was it? Or it was just a dream?'

              With a refreshed face devoid of any sleepiness or restlessness, he watched his mobile; it was 22/12/21xx. HOLY SHIT! Zion lost himself and shouted. -> it was 22/12/21xx. "HOLY SHIT!" Zion lost himself and shouted.

              "ZION! Who are you shouting at, come down; everyone is waiting for you." -> "ZION! Who are you shouting at?! Come down; everyone is waiting for you."

              'I was traveled back in time a full year prior to the end', Zion was astonished. "Does that mean I have a full one year to prepare for what to come? On the other hand, was I dreaming about the apocalypse, but it did feel real". Zion stood with the mobile for a while. -> 'I was traveled back in time a full year prior to the end', Zion was astonished. 'Does that mean I have a full one year to prepare for what to come? On the other hand, was I dreaming about the apocalypse? But it did feel so real". Zion stood with the mobile for a while

              A lot of the same mistakes repeats in the same chapters and across all the other chapters...I hope you can see your errors with my corrections.

                  KoFu_

                  I'm not looking for an editor. I'm trying to fix the problems myself. However, it would definitely take time.

                  Apart from the grammar do you find any issues with the novel?

                      Clou_d I don't like that he has all the money and influence because of his family, he has no challenge what so ever to build a base or train himself with that advantage.
                      Is more entertaining to root for the underdog, or at least make him average.

                      PLus I don't like his attitude of rushing things out, he has a full 1 year of time, not 1 week. He should go slow and steady, bring a fucking weapon to a dangerous place or at least know martial arts...

                      And you bring a lot of characters too fast, and you don't even describe them so well...

                          KoFu_

                          I gave him a family with political background intentionally and you are right about the characters. I would take it into consideration in upcoming chapters.

                              8 days later

                              Bro,dont takes it to heart, i like your novel. I just want to say what is in my mind. So the appocalypse is coming. He know he need strenght for it. He also know what will happen. He know he is not the most powerfull. But still wasted his time to build a company? For what? Money. If there are going to be apocalypse and strenght rule everything,he need to cultivate. Other that ,when apocalypse hits and some people can get power from fruit or stone,they wont trade it for some useless money,they will be back to barter system. So money is useless. If you say he need the gun and other materials, well i think that is useless if your enemy gonna be so powerfull that gun cant hurt. If you say he need it to gather people, why make a dangerious tech that can get people attention. Make some tech that is booming but dont get attention and not dangerious so you can collect money and make a hidden factory for only yourself to arm your people. Rather than make other have your gun. Make your self some underground influence,something like assasin guild or something. Something hidden is more deadly than something in the open where everyone can take a bites of you and your tech. When apocalypse hit,you can take the city with your power and influence without anyone see it coming

                                Tartarus

                                The MC is moving with the intention to build a highly civilized empire, he is not building this company for money, but for resources both material and human. He can build a solid prestige and a brand in the minds of people and influence the armed forces with technological weapons and medicines.

                                This is a kingdom building genre with spies and war between factions than one man army. Since he is aiming to be an emperor, prestige is highly important. He also needs money to place and nurtures his forces, think logically. After all, what he provides are only a tip of the weapons he can manufacture.

                                    Clou_d Will do just added it to my library starting chapter 1 today very nice cover. How did you make it?

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