I always end on a positive note after giving suggestions. I don’t do a review to just to sugar coat and give a good score, no matter how much I like the story or the writer. But in the same way, I won’t give a bad score if it was well written.
Simply from all the stories I’ve read and reviewed so far, this is what I felt when comparing, but don’t be discouraged! Writing a story takes a lot of work and never is really “perfect.” Countless revisions and proofreading is necessary for anyone. Even the most acclaimed authors didn’t get it on the first, second, or third write!
This is only the beginning, and like I said in the review, you already have a clear idea; it just needs some elaboration and brushing up. Keep at it and you’ll get there! (:
Of course, I’m no professional editor, but if you ever need specific help, I’m here to assist as a fellow writer.