Yahdeus
I decided to take a quick breeze through two chapters. I didn't read much, but I'll give a tip.
You don't have to end every dialogue with a dialogue tag, for example 'She said'.
Try to do something else at the end of the dialogue, like describing what the character did as they talked for example:
'"Want one?" Miyu offered a cigarette to me.' (Made this one up.)
I took a peek at your next four chapters and noted you cut down the number of dialogue tags, so feel free to ignore most of what I wrote previously.
Now that you fix the dialogue tag issues, here's the next tidbit, since I didn't really help with my last tip.
After dialogues, capitilise the first letter of the word that comes after, unless it's the dialogue tag or you punctuated the dialogue with a comma. For example:
'"I don't know. I just felt as if I was completely in the wrong for running away. Honestly, I can't even think of a good reason why I was thinking that."(capitilise she) she lets out a big sigh to show disappointment in herself. (This is a quote from chapter 5, and an example of what not to do.)
"I don't know. I just felt as if I was completely in the wrong for running away," (no need to capitilise she) she lets out a big sigh to show disappointment in herself. "Honestly, I can't even think of a good reason why I was thinking that." (When to use a comma to end a dialogue.)
"I don't know. I just felt as if I was completely in the wrong for running away. Honestly, I can't even think of a good reason why I was thinking that." (When there is a dialogue tag like said, no need to capitilise.) said Miyu as she lets out a big sigh to show disappointment in herself.'
Okay, good luck in writing.
As for the points issue, that's where your writing style comes in. A rule of thumb, chapters should always progress the story by having a point(confusing, sorry). A chapter without a point progressing the story are called fillers.
