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kazesenken

There is actually a reason why I've written that part in the second. It is to show my readers the scene in Kara no Kyoukai that was rarely written.

When I warned my readers of how the MC is going to be OP, that was a subtle hint of it. The MC was dropped near the center of Akasha. If you do not know, Akasha (or the Swirl of Root) is an unknown realm where all things were born and end. It's the place that Magi strives to reach, no matter what they have to do, in the Fate series.

Think of it as the realm of infinite power in the Fate verse. If you catch even a glimpse, you will obtain something, but also lose something in return. The ones that manage to leave that place gains a sort-of 'god-like' powers. It can even be assumed that the ones that made it out of that place, alive, can no longer be seen as 'humans'.

Also, the 'empty' was meant to be taken as a hint and a pun. The Akashic Records was always something deemed as a place of nothingness but also the opposite. It's confusing, I know, but that's how they explained it in the story of the Fate verse. Though, I suppose you can think of as the realm of where everything is there, a giant archive of knowledge, a ginormous database about everything you can think of, exists within that place.

And, if you're a normal human and you open a path to that place, you have the 99% chances of you dying. Only 1% chance is that you can leave that place alive.

Presently, in canon, there are only two known individuals that reached that realm and leave it safely. These two are Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg and Aoko Aozaki. The Mage Association gave these two people with the title 'Magicians' because they are capable of enacting powers that are beyond modern science and Magecraft.

They can enact the power of 'Miracles' that cannot be replicated by normal means like modern science or by normal humans. For example, resurrecting the dead without negative consequences, time-travel, being able to travel into different realms, creating something out of nothing, and etc.

I put up an explanation in the second author's note to make sure my readers knows what is going on in the first part of chapter 2. Hopefully, this makes you understand that part better as well.

Also, the last part of that chapter is more like a look into how Zelretch, one of the living Magician, is taking the news of his grandchild's birth, and how the Magi of the Clock Tower are reacting to his 'excitement'.

Magi are scared of him, you know. They fear and respect him at the same time. It's a scene that fans of the Fate series will immediately understand.

To be honest, I only wrote that on a whim and short, but since this was a Fate verse crossover, I wanted to give the fans a sort-of bonus chapter by making it long and descriptive!

Regius_Sanguis
I actually understood the reference as soon as you mentioned it because I have watched Kara no Kyoukai. It still seems to lack a certain finesse due to how it is portrayed, I guess one example that stuck in my mind was when he felt excruciating pain, but you spend a good several paragraphs describing the pain in different ways, often adding a lot of filler words in between the descriptions that needlessly pad the sentences.
Example:
"Throughout the experience, he idly wondered what he had ever done in life to be the bearer of such pain. While it was true that he had felt a pain worse than the one he was currently experiencing, he would admit that he had only felt such a pain for brief moments, but never had he felt such ungodly one that seemed to go on endlessly."
Suggestion:
"Throughout the experience, he considered why life made him bear such pain. Though it was far from the worst he experienced, those occurred in brief moments, whereas his current pain seemed to go on for an ungodly amount of time."

Anyways, I had more of a 'huh' moment when it suddenly went to him being reborn and that event having coinciding with stuff going on at a school somewhere. You briefly mentioned that something important happens there, but you end the chapter with a series of mundane events that give no hint as to that importance. It's missing a punchline, one that you are holding out too long to reveal. That's part of the reason I wanted to see more chapters, cause that part just kinda fell flat.

kazesenken

Honestly, it does lack the finesse, but I tried to make that scene more relatable(?). To describe the pain and what the MC is going through while he is in that realm.

And that's a better suggestion than what I had mind. I hope you don't me borrowing it when I edit the chapter later! (^_')

Anyways, the first part of the second chapter was actually the important part of the content. In addition to that, the second and third part was to support it.

Here, let me break it down piece by piece, so that you can understand it better in my perspective when I wrote that chapter.

The scene of when the darkness started was with him being in the realm of the dead. That was with him still in a separate dimension that was in Eos, a realm that Etro, the goddess of death, lives in. She has absolute authority there and whatnot. She thinks of the Lucis Caelum family as her children, as would Bahamut, the astral god of light, does. So, whenever a member of that family dies, they would always have a place in her realm.

Exclusive right, I guess.

Now, when I described him being inside the darkness. He's doesn't know that he's in that realm. After all, while he does believe in astral gods, none of them really appeared before him to explain the situation, of what was going to happen to him next and why. He's in Valhalla. Well, the isolated part of the realm, but he doesn't know about it. All he knows is that he's dead and he's in a realm of complete darkness.

Imagine if you are in his shoes. You're dead, but you're conscious. You remember how you died, but you have no idea of where you are and how you got there. You believe in the gods and the stories that had passed on in your family, but none of them nor anyone appeared before you to at least explain the situation.

During those moments, all he has is own thoughts and assumptions. I wrote it in his perspective because I want my readers to relate to his experience, to see and feel what was happening to him during that scene.

Next, when the scene of him being submerged began, that was actually him being transferred to another realm, which was the Fate verse. Coincidentally though, the astral gods had dropped him off near to the center of the Akashic Records. I just improvise that scene because the episode in Kara no Kyoukai didn't exactly provided me a good glimpse of what the center of the Root looks like.

In the far off distance, it looks like a vortex Milky Way full of blue stars. The Type Moon wiki didn't help me either with my research, so I had no choice but to improvise in describing to the best of my ability. It's fine if it lacked finesse or such, because really, who can describe that place without the risk of being misunderstood even more by the readers that don't know much about the anime? Nonetheless, I tried my best and I have no regrets. I'm just bummed that the description of the scene turned out that way. Guess I'll just edit it later on...

After that, the scene with the pain and its various description is because of the connection to the Root is being made. Shiki Ryougi didn't experience because she was probably numb inside that realm. The MC was completely aware and felt those sensations as if he was alive and has a real body. By establishing a connection through the core of his soul, he felt that pain. The Root took an interest in him because he just appeared out of nowhere.

Hence, the result of the scene.

Next up is the scene with second part and third part of the chapter. It's actually spoilers, but I suppose it's alright if I tell you since it seems you're most curious about it. Well, on second thought it's not really that much of a spoiler since I just explained the first part. I suppose I'm at fault for writing the description too vaguely.

Anyways, the second and third part of the chapter was because Zelretch discovered that his own grandson has a direct connection to the Swirl of the Root. If Touko Aozaki was able to discover that Shiki Ryougi has a connection to the Root simply by observing the latter, then it would be easier and quicker for someone who had reached the Swirl of the Root to recognize the connection. Him being crazy happy and freaking out the Magi in the Clock Tower is the result of his unexpected discovery. That's pretty much it, really.

Also, Waver doesn't know. He only knows that Zelretch has a new heir to his legacy, but he doesn't know about the connection to the Root.

Hope this helps clear the vagueness of the chapter! :)

Joy_Zakaria

Hey, Joy! :)

Just finished reading your story and left you a review. The story is good, but it just needs a bit of polishing. Like making the paragraphs short for better reading. Other than that, it's a good story. I hope you finish it.

Also, thank you for the generous review. I appreciate it, and suggestions helped as well! :)

I also wonder where the origins of the curse came from. Was it influenced by a myth or something?

kazesenken

I'll keep that in mind when I edit those two chapters in the future. Thanks for the suggestions. I appreciate it! :)

As for Zelretch's scene, I actually thought about that before I published that chapter. I had second thoughts about it since I was torn between showing the readers a different perspective or showing it in Zelretch's point of view.

Well, I suppose I'll use that route now since it does seem better and clears up the mystery of why he was like that.

kazesenken

I knew it! :D

I noticed how the first chapter of when Claude became Eryn's familiar. Eryn being a noble helped support my guess too. Combining that anime's influence along with the game elements just increased my suspicion.

Good call though. It made the story interesting that way. Too much isekai stories are out there are just weird, and your story has been refreshing so far. I've been reading from time to time whenever I take a break from something that needs my attention.

Also, why did you make Claude a cook? Can't he be an inventor or something? Not that there is anything wrong with it. Chef are important in our day and age. But I can't help but wonder that he can be more if he wasn't a chef.

Although, I have a feeling that it might be because you just want to take a different route, no? His circumstances like being a one-hit crit MC is enough of distinction for me to see him a unique MC, but I think him starting off as a chef was a bit strange. Is it because you want the MC to be seen as harmless by other characters?

kazesenken The_Canary

I have question for you two.

Does the number of collections look weird in your Inkstone page?

I've seen mine and it doesn't match up. The one in the Inkstone dashboard and the one in 'Workspace > Stories' doesn't match up at all. Is this a bug or something? Which one is real? Do you guys know?

kazesenken

Anyways, I'm happy that you have the story planned out so far that way. I look forward to reading more from your story. I also hope that the ending will be good. Good luck! :)

kazesenken

Of course, the review can wait. I'm still working on the next chapters, actually. I'm giving it my utmost attention whenever I'm free from work.

It might be released by either Tuesday or Wed. I might even release it tomorrow if I finish it today. I'm thinking carefully of how the story will proceed from there. Unlike the two chapters I released.

I'm being careful not to rush it

The_Canary

Hey Sev, saw your recent chapters. You made some improvements. Gave you a stone as a reward. Good job! :)

kazesenken

It's fine. Take your time. I'm simply informing you about it, actually! :D

Oh, and I took your advice and rewrite the prologue. I took my time in writing it again and even reading it myself. I hope it's better to look at now. Now, the only thing I need to worry about is the first chapter. But I'll deal with it once I have the time to do so :)

Regius_Sanguis
Btw, I noticed what looked like a copy/paste mistake about 1/3 of the way through the 4th chapter.
It's quite obvious, so just letting you know to look over it to make sure that you copied the chapter into inkstone properly.

kazesenken

Oh gosh, thanks for that. I thought I was missing something, and I knew it was with that chapter. How embarrassing... I'll go fixed that too. Thanks for letting me know.

What I would I do without you, kaz! I think I should just call you kaz-sensei cause of all the wise suggestions and advice you've given me these days. Haha :D

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to look into it. I appreciate the help! :)