https://docs.google.com/document/d/17wn_BwpKe6JUpLZLg3-WiS902DCdTJGASIj7TZCHoUM/edit?usp=sharing
Thanks for reading/viewing <3. I'm looking for content/writing feedback. Thanks for your time <3.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/17wn_BwpKe6JUpLZLg3-WiS902DCdTJGASIj7TZCHoUM/edit?usp=sharing
Thanks for reading/viewing <3. I'm looking for content/writing feedback. Thanks for your time <3.
Im not really good at english so can't really said anything on grammar.
when i read the 1st paragraph, i thought the world has a chain like power. but then that misty put out a sword. so im guessing it wasn't just chain power like.
when the man came and attacked, from what i read from other novel, they tried to elaborate on the action and sometime when they got hurt like when the man's leg got ripped off, he would scream/sweat or kinda in shock moment and doesn't comprehend that he's legless now before screaming. so when reading that paragraph, the man is to emotionless or doesn't feel any pain at all and just let MC use her chain. Explaining the face look can also help made a character became alive.
Then came Misty the mysterious woman that clapping and saying well done. MC don't seem afraid or shock. But i still didn't really know how MC characters so can't comment much here. but from how she know she was hated by others as 'monster' and how she know risking death when scavenging for food, she would be more concerned and cautious when someone she doesn't know approached.
You could also add more info on how your characters look like. MC got chain like power, but how does she look? is she skinny due to living alone on the forest? is she tall? what about her face? the lips? the nose? the eyebrow? i think you know what i mean. This include for Misty, Richard, the young man and the prisoner (not really needed for prisoner but it added to the word counts) .
and im a bit confuse for the interrogation of the prisoners. as the MC are new to this, shouldn't she doesn't know how to made them talk? or she knew how to torture people as she did have experience in it? but 16 y/o girl won't be able to do that if without any training before that.
and thats all what i could said for now.
Thanks for your advice <3. I'll work on those issues.