Writing, Story, Character, World: All Average
Update Stability: Above Average
This is a review up to chapter 6.
First person narrative is a common choice for new writers, and oftentimes in my findings, a story in first person falls flat when third person would’ve been better. In the case of this one, it can go either way. The strength of the first person narrative in this wasn’t great, but it was neither bad. I do get a clear sense of the speaker’s character with a satisfactory demonstration of her inner thoughts and feelings. This is good, but the MC’s voice is still a little weak (this is different from a MC being a strong female lead aka her personality, but rather the compelling distinction of conveying that personality).
From chapter one, we see a glimpse into her former life as a setup for her eventual transmigration in chapter two as the duchess. Perhaps this could be considered a more drastic opinion, but I believe the entire first chapter could be cut without loosing anything substantial. Considering that her best friend and past life weren’t really mentioned again in any important way, and her personality is grasped well enough in the following chapters, the first chapter is unnecessary.
In fact, I’d argue it detracts from the story. For whatever reason, I find the MC more annoying in the first chapter than the next ones. This might be due to her screaming in CAPS which something I never suggest for any writer to do frequently. Caps should be used as an accent for the most dramatic situations and not just used as general shouting.
Her personality for the rest of the next chapters after the first, my only critique is that her mood and thoughts fluctuate sporadically, almost as if for comedic or dramatic relief rather than a grounded representation of her character and possibly of what a real human person would be like. I believe this is in part due to the weak voice of first person narrative. These two are intrinsically tied. A good first person narrative will often equal a compelling main character. (Addition not on original review. I thought about it a tad more, and another reason could be due to too many exclamations and question marks used in the 1st person narrative.)
The plot, I have not much to say on this. It’s the basic transmigration plot with a strong female showing who’s boss by whipping everyone around her into shape and assisting the former body’s into glory. This was neither done poorly nor spectacularly. So, it’s average.
Writing-wise, there is quite a bit of awkward sentence syntax and incorrect tenses. But the grammar doesn’t detract too much from the story for the average reader. Personally for me, it’s a little uncomfortable because of the strange manner of speaking and expression.
Although I don’t feel like continuing to read this story, that’s my personal taste. On a impartial stance, I believe you’re on the general right track. You only need to continue writing a lot and study English grammar and vocabulary, and your writing is sure to improve with time and effort. Keep at it, and good luck!