Instead of waiting long, I decided to choose from the stories submitted by this point. Just for funsies, I ranked them by the "best" writing (in terms of grammar, vocabulary, etc).
1) yaoyueyi - The absolute best. I cannot believe how amazing this story is! It's perfectly written omg!
2) Arkinslize - Good writing that doesn't really need an editor in terms of being on WN (in other words, writers can always edit and revise their stories to be better, but in terms of the writing commonly seen on WN, you sit nice and pretty). Most errors are minor; you just need a second eye at proofreading.
3) ValKree - There are a few awkward spots, but all quite minor. You just need a proofreader to catch these; otherwise, your writing is good for WN. (basically the same feedback as for 2 above)
4) Nathair_Insint British English isn't a problem as it's pretty close to American with minor differences like toward and towards. Definitely need to proofread as there are more typos (like capitalization) than I'd personally prefer. Grammatically, you're mostly fine. This is a system novel, so the style of writing is fitting for it and thus doesn't necessarily need to be beefed up. An easy to read format is generally what's employed and preferred for it.
5) YoungOneStories Even though you misunderstood the thread, since you posted, you're still liable to me picking you. :P While your writing isn't bad by any means, from this tiny batch of stories, I can do more with your novel out them. Thus, I'll chose the first chapter of your story posted.
Stay tuned for the post with the chapter one edits~
