Actually, in my life I've heard people saying I'm cold, I'm stuck up, I'm too stubborn when hanging out with people. To a certain degree, I have to agree because I was the type that hate losing. Yeah, I've also learnt that being too good is not good, and excellence came with a price. I find it very hard to smile because I'm afraid of others' intention. Will they mock me? Dislike me? Mistake my smile as a romantic invitation? I sound narcissistic right.... But I'm actually, just, really sad.
I want to feel like a normal person, so I read a lot, hoping to find someone and something similar in the books and stories that I can relate to, so I don't feel so suffocated anymore.
I'm afraid I might never overcome my psychological barrier. I want to be able to naturally, properly smile, without fear.