Sara_Wilcox Oh dear, I would appreciate that! ;)
Please don't go easy on me and do not worry about me! I already know my looong traditional paragraphs will hurt you... xD
I can look at your story if you would like? Just bear in mind that I'm not a native English speaking person, but I'll do my best if you want to!
Thanks!
Epyonnn Thank you so much for pointing out. I didn't proofread my chapters. I'll change it.
SlyHand I'm glad I could help. Here's my link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/non-player-character_20219961506365305
Hello! I come from the other post ( I read @Yoan_Roturier's 1/2 review ) and I'm willing to review another's if you @ me o(￣▽￣)ブ I have only 7 chapters atm.
Title:
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Synopsis:
"This life and the next, I will love you for eternity."
Would you recognize your True Half?
In the World of Syre, there is an evil game played amongst four kingdoms. Every 30 years, chosen nobles and royalty are gifted with the memory of their past life and an invitation to the game by the Mercy of God. The rules are simple: find your soulmate at all costs.
If you lose, you and your family are cursed to die within the next 12 months. If you win, you are gifted with the highest social class's prosperity and wealth for the rest of your life. There is too much at stake and too much to lose.
What happens when Mira, a lowly peasant girl, receives the invitation to the game? Her journey started only as a quest to save her brother until she discovers that her True Half might instead be the cold-hearted Crown Prince, the playful Duke heir, or the mysterious noble Xith. Twists and turns at every end, this True Half game is unpredictable yet addictive.
She swore on no romance in her past life, and she doesn’t exactly remember her True Half. Find out how Mira, an extraordinary spy turned farmer orphan, finds love and divine secrets in the maze of royal palaces.
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/true-half_19728092005066305
Cover Picture:
(btw if anyone is wondering how to post cover images on the forum, do  )
no space btwn .jpg and )
Edel_Li sure
I appreciate all feedback
And don’t worry about privilege unless you like my book. Coins are expensive
Sara_Wilcox Perfect, I don't have any coins, so this should be good! xD
Which story of yours should I check?
EDIT: Found your link, The Aquarian Crown, all good ;)
I drew a new cover for my book. Can I get some feedback on it?
Epyonnn I can easily see what the story will be about, so it's cool and easy to read, but the font is too simplistic/standard. It reduces the potential attractiveness level, and it would be better if the font is more of a futuristic style of font (like @Yulainei 's cover) or a tinge of fanciness like Times New Roman. I would also recommend having some shadowing in there and then slap a webnovel's logo to make it look legit.
SpilledInk
Humm, there are those kind of stories. Although I dislike grammatical errors, I think we shouldn't mock those authors. It requires a lot of investments on their part to write those stories. Time, knowledge, research, and others. You can frown at their mistakes but... hum. Mocking them is disrespectful, even if the author's work is the worst of all, my dear cutie pie Udeju :P
cute eyes cute eyes cute eyes
Hum, simple sometimes is best. It does indeed show what the story is going to be about. Which is great. Furthermore, if he drew it himself it means it's his own image rights. Which is even better. As for an actual critic, here's my two cents.
To my opinion, it lacks a certain impact. A punch so to say.
That might be due to how cramp the cover is. It is good in a way since it forces people to focus on the important stuff. However, I don't sense this "wow it looks awesome!" vibe. Maybe because it lacks some background image. We only see a dark background with some kind of knight turning his back to the readers (which is cool in my opinion.)
Also, the lack of color might be one of those variables. It does indicate the tone of the book tho. So it's far from being a useless thing. I haven't been through your story yet, so I might come back to that afterward.
The cross is downright well done, as well as the highlighted letters. Clearly tells us what to expect. Although I think you should align those letters to make it look more professional. A neat/clean cover is more attractive in general. Ah! There is also that "Character" size. It looks compressed, I feel out of breath just looking at it. Try to even it out. You could, for example, reduce the size of the white letters but keep the red ones just as big as they are now.
As for those sakura petals in the background.... hum. It's weird. It feels like there are here just to be fillers. To fill in those empty areas.
Overall, it's not a back cover at all. It does what it's here for, but it does lack the "wow" vibe. But that's really hard to do, you have to order a cover from an artist to get that vibe. I think you can leave your cover picture as is, or maybe implement the "letter size" change I talked about.
Hope it helps.
As for the font...hmm, I'll come back to that after reading your story.
Yoan_Roturier i agree with the letter size change. On mobile, you will only see the bottom half of the cover when you click on the book and right now the text does feel a bit overwhelming by itself. Adding some shadows will add dimension to it, which won't be a "wow" punch bu it will add to its texture. I would also refer to the translated works for their covers since they're made by experienced artists of the qidian platform.
Title: Arcana Legends
Genre: Fantasy, Shonen, Action
Synopsis: Naturalism is the power to use arcana to shape the world around you and it's Daimyon's time to learn how to use this power. He enrolls at West Gaia Academy to start this long journey where he meets a shy girl named Kiyonna who holds incredible hidden power and is immediately thrust into protecting her from the dangerous Shadow Walkers. On the brightside Bones "The Spirit Reaper" decided to take him under his wing and train him. He'll protect his friends at any cost unless Bones training kills him first.
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/arcana-legends_19694226705957105
MimiTea Please review mine if you don't mind.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/arcana-legends_19694226705957105
MimiTea yours is pretty good the only thing I would say is that the prose is a bit much to the point that it affects the pacing making it a little slow. But, still really good.
Epyonnn I have read the first 7 chapters of the novel and here's my view as an amateur. :)
Honestly, there's nothing that I can say about the delivery and grammar. It was awesome to the point that I am thinking of re-reading them whenever I got stuck in my writing. Even more so when it was written in the first POV :D I love how you expressed the character's mentality in the earlier chapter, including the build-up that leads to the current situation. I believe it helped me understand the MC in a personal level.
Here's my personal opinion about the story:
The prologue was... awesome. You showed a short 'shocking' scene before giving a flashback on how the character ended up in that situation. It did a wonderful job of setting up the world while introducing the characters in the most immersive way possible. I believe, many movies out there used this technique to open their scenes. The recently released, "Cruella" is one of them.
The characters, I can only say that I'm ecstatic with the quality of the read :D.
I have yet to read the main content of the story but I believe it will be as great as the opening. I'm expecting a detailed world, seen through the eyes of our MC. The story will probably take some dark turns but I hope to see more character building from the MC. I'll be cheering him on!
To conclude, your writing is first class! The story was also very engaging to the readers, can't wait to read more :)
P.S
Honestly, I found it a bit funny when I realized that you used an anagram to name your God of Chaos and Order. There were also a good amount of references to other works, engaging me to read further. The one I personally recognize is the "Temptation of Thanatos" and "My body plummeted, racing to the night below". :D
Arcana_Legends Hi sure! I’ll review yours tomorrow since its late here rn. Please do tell me on how I can improve as for the prose as well! :))
@Dark_Scholars
Alright little disciple, Roturier-sensei got to you. Be sure to read that attentively, cause it might just help you. I sure hope it won't break you. I tried to add my comedic style to it but... hum well you know.
Y.R. Honest review #3
Title: The To Do List
Author: Dark_Scholars
Chapters read: Until chapter 3
Story:
The plot as it was presented in your synopsis is interesting to me. How-the-very-ever, it doesn’t even make its entrance in the first three chapters. Which is very frustrating. I was looking for it but only found a lot of info on some old forest, a war, some kind of op guy, two boys that look like will hookup each others in the near future, etc.
Basically, your first three chapters are what we called “info dump.” It’s basically bombarding your readers with informations at every turn. Example:
Paragraph 1: Hey, there was that war with that guy there!
Paragraph 2: Hey, there was that tree and another tree next to it. BUT they aren’t the species!
Paragraph 3: Hey, there are a lot of storage rings here! In that one there are swords from a long lost empire, in that one… blablabla
Paragraph 4: Hey, there will be… blablabla.
I think you got it by now. Anyway, info dumps were a popular concept when fantasy started, but then dropped to favor more… hum “diving into the story openings,” but it is now knowing an unprecedent golden age with online novels. Which I don’t understand why. Info dumps are really hard to digest. Although, that’s my personnel opinion, I can understand that there are readers out there that like those kind of intro to a book.
However, to my mind, as a reader, I want to dive into the story, not to know what event took place a long time ago, not what that particular tree is, not what that guy has in his pants, and all that in one chapter! It is hard to read, and doesn’t make “me” wanna read more. So, I’d suggest you rewrite your first three chapters. Particularly your Prologue and Chapter one.
Make them more immersive. Describe what your character sees but not the HISTORY of what he sees. Use his five senses, what does he touch, smell, taste, hear and sees. How does he react to those? What does he think of his surroundings? How does he feel about it?
For example, instead of talking about the war maybe you could just explain or even better, show that he is sad or downright tired of playing hero. And that that particular war exhausted him, cause I sure didn’t feel that, but it was right in your synopsis tho. I’d recommand you use it early on in the story, if you did use it, I’m sorry, my mind wondered because of the info dump and I didn’t see it.
By the way, Webnovel automatically write for you “Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3, etc.” SO it brings me to my other advise. But take a look at this first.
Chapter 2: Chapter One
Chapter 2: Razel’s Awakening
Which is more appealing to you? Right, I won’t even bother telling you. So, becareful with those. Maybe I’m being nitpicky but that actually caught my attention rather quickly. I’m that kind of bastard ekekeke.
World building:
Apart from that, it is clear that this world is vast. An ancient war, artefacts from ancient times, reincarnation, a certain library, etc. How-the-very-ever, the way it is put together is a tad-very-bit messy. It might be clear in your head, because you got the story there, but I’d invite you to reread it and see the flow. Not the flaw like issue but flow like flowing water. To begin with, if you can rearrange your three first chapters and make it so they aren’t info-dumps, it’ll be much clearer to my opinion.
Character design:
Hum, Razel is physically well depicted and has an appearance that screams “mystery” to it. You did spend some time on characterization. How-the-very-ever (I’m starting to like that made up word), you don’t dive deep enough into his psyche. Which brings me back to my previous advise, use the five senses to SHOW what’s going on. And also, do tell what he thinks. And did I already tell you I’d advise to avoid info dumps? Yes? Ah well, then I’ll you again. Avoid info dumps.
Writing quality:
Alright so, it’s far from being the worst I’ve seen, so don’t worry I won’t charge at you like the incredible Hulk. In fact, I perceive a really good descriptive MIND. What I mean by that is you have the potential to describe things beautifully, with elegance, unlike my rough-stone-like writing style. You just lack the knowledge to do it. But fear not, because guess what? It gets better with time and perseverance. If you want to speed up the process you can take online courses. There are a lot of free courses out there. I’d suggest you look up the following issues online:
Punctuation: there is a clear lack of punctuation usage. A pity, because those can a real-life saver sometimes.
Tenses: Present tense and Past tense, see their usage and differences. However, I do recommend to stick to past tense at all times when you're writing. There are exceptions of course like during dialogs. But stick to it at all times. But first learn how to use past tense because I've seen a hell of lot of tenses issue.
How to avoid repetition (I actually don’t know if there are courses for that one.
You can also find some really interesting free excercices on… damn what was that site name again hold on… Ah yeah, Khan Academy. Look it up. It sure helped me. Tho I got sick of that training after a month I sure got out of it with a better grasp on our dear English language.
Anyway, that’s all I could think of. Pray tell if you have something to add or ask.
Read you later Darkie.
PS: You could have told me it was a BL.
