Epyonnn Thank you so much for your in-depth review. You've given me extremely helpful points; I cherish them. I'll see what I can do about each and every one of the improvements you brought up. Once again, thank you for your time and effort!

SEP1A this is a little thing I forgot to mention, but past tense is the standard for almost all novels these days. Though, I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to go through your entire novel to change every single verb.

Epyonnn I also considered tense when coming up with my story. By not making my story first person point of view, I believed making it present tense would restore a semblance of the intimacy I sacrificed. In your opinion, do you think this still holds true or would sticking to industry standard be more important? I only care about producing the best narrative possible for Noe’s life.

SEP1A I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're doing, but it's just harder to write in the present tense, and some readers don't like it. Do what you think is best for the story, since the tense is up to the author to decide.

As for the intimacy part, I don't really feel any different than if it had been written in the first person or in the past tense. I don't know if that's just a me thing.

Since I don't have much knowledge on the effects of tense, try looking up the pros and the cons to see what suits your story best.

theanneleen I'll give it a read

Hey! I am comparatively new author and would be glad to get somd pointers and advice from fellow authors. Would appreciate any opinion.
Thank you in advance!

SPACE LORD
Genre: Fantasy, Action, adventure
Tags: Reincarnation, Magic, progression, cultivation, war and military, nobles
Synopsis:
Killed by a Restoration Emperor and reborn as his 12-year-old self, Theo was given a second chance at life. A second chance to save his family and survive in the coming hardships. He will once again battle against Emperor and his armies on the battlefields. With the vast knowledge of magic and battle energy he accumulated in his previous life, wielding the most unique treasure, he shall reach the pinnacle of magic once again.

What to expect from the story:

-Intelligent, experienced, and careful MC

-Detailed worldbuilding, serving to introduce the reader to the fantasy world

-Some elements from the eastern cultivation genre

-A steadfast focus on MC's story and his actions in his attempts to change the future

Link:
https://m.webnovel.com/book/space-lord_17433895806977305#

@theanneleen I've read up to chapter three. It's not bad, but it's not my type of genre, so I didn't feel like reading any further. Anyway, here are my thoughts.

1. All Hail the Queen

What exactly is the Queen in your story? Is it the person with the most influence in the school. If so, what can they do with that influence. What makes a queen? How did Luna become the Queen in the first place?

The schools where I come from don't have Queens. In fact, nobody really rules the school at all (other than the principal and staff, of course). There are some "cool kids," but it's not like they have any influence on the student body.

You need to make sure that you explain the significance of the term Queen. You can't just throw the word around and expect people to infer everything. Consider creating a scene or two about how Luna can use her power, and maybe a short flashback of when she used to go to the school.

In addition to this, you also need to develop the social hierarchy in the school some more. So far, we've only seen the high-classed individuals, and they really haven't done much. Is there even any reason to be a high-classed student?

So far, Luna doesn't really have any motivations for becoming the Queen again, other than she used to be one. What's so good about being the Queen, other than you have social power?

You've done a good job at introducing conflict with the Transferee, but Luna needs to have her own motivations in mind. So far, she's mostly reacting to the circumstances around her, trying to cover up her past and trying to deal with the Transferee.

2. Proofread

There are many little mistakes that you could easily catch if you proofread some more (I usually end up reading through my chapters three times). Two should be fine if you're short on time.

Also, some sentences are worded confusingly. Try reading some sentences out loud to see if they flow well.

Finally, you tend to switch between present and past tense during narration. I think that your main tense is past, but it changes every now and then. If you plan on fully writing the story in the past tense, there isn't much of a reason to suddenly change to the present tense.

That's about it. I didn't see anything wrong with the plot so far other than the whole Queen thing. I hope I could help.

Epyonnn
Sorry mate, I've been leaving you to do this alone. Kinda busy right now. I'll try to make some time to come by more often.

Epyonnn

Hi there! Thank you so much for taking up to review my novel. I really didn't think of that one actually. It was only then on my draft chapter 24 that I started out actually building the social hierarchy and background of the friendship between the girls and what it means that Luna is Queen because she was caught up with the Transferee.

Thank you really. I will keep this in mind :D It really helps!

Hello! I've just started my story and would really appreciate an honest critique. Thanks!

Title: Chaos Awakening
Genre: Fantasy, Male lead
Synopsis:
All his life, Cilix Trimaran felt as if something's been missing, a hole in his being that cannot be filled even if he tried to. He chalked it up to his broken memory. There were pieces, bits of the past that he can't seem to remember however hard he tried. Memories close enough to reach, but vague enough that it kept slipping past his fingers like smoke. And then there was Oleah.
Oleah Vanderbilt was a model student. She was powerful, excelled in whatever task she put herself into, a woman of many talents. But her cold disposition and blank stares grate something in Cilix that he can't put his finger onto. There was something in those eyes that seems to call out to him.
He just have to find out, doesn't he? Good thing his group of misfits accidentally uncovered a conspiracy in the ministry and seem to want to initiate an anarchy. Good riddance, in Cilix's humble opinion.

Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/chaos-awakening_20316599005138205

Epyonnn Hi! Can you also check my novel out, would like some opinions from you seeing as you can give good and understandable tips!

Here's my novel:
https://www.webnovel.com/book/transmigrated-mind_20465943505550705

Yoan_Roturier it's fine

Praefactuss alright

LINK: THE KEEPER OF UNHOLY MIGHT

TAG: ACTION, FANTASY, ADVENTURE, ACTION, MAGIC, MALEPROTAGONIST, MONSTER, CULTIVATION, EVILMC

SYNOPSIS:
Nicolaus Asenon had a detached feeling and drifted through life aimlessly.
Everything he had done had no purpose. He had sacrificed almost everything in his life for the sake of his work.
Family, friends, and mindset were all taken away one by one. His mentality, bit by bit becoming corrupted.
In his darkest hours. He was struck by a vehicle and died. As a result; his eyesight started to dim and he gave his final breath.
In a world without mercy. He had transmigrated from the modern world to an alternative universe.
With no remorse, Nicolaus Asenon is willing to go to any lengths to reap benefits. As a corrupted man. He already has no qualms.
He has now seen all that life has to offer, transforming him into a cold, merciless, cunning villain, never allowing himself to get attached to anybody who may get in the way of his ultimate goal.
This is the story of a man cultivating his strength to rise up above all... A Lord overlooking the entire world!

...................................
I would like for any opinions please, to see if my novel is subpar or great compared the other novels in this platform.

Yulainei what happened to the other stuff you were working on? Did you drop it?

World_Wanderer

Hi there! I read the prologue till the second chapter. I honestly like the plot, but I'm no digital reader so, I have a hard time coming to terms with myself reading online. But your story all in all has an interesting plot. Keep it up. Here are some points I would like to share.

Distinct Features

In the prologue, I found it kinda confusing. Maybe because I wasn’t able to figure out who is who and what is what.

I think it would be great to be able to distinguish the army of the Space Lord between the Restoration empire. Although, you did give a description regarding the restoration empire which has griffons, but not really with the Trade Union. So, I was a bit lost who’s army is losing or advancing. Not until you literally mentioned that the Trade Union was losing.

I would also probably add descriptions of the Emperor. So, I could picture him out in my mind. There wasn’t really enough description to make an image out of him compared to Space Lord.

Space Lord Origins

It kinda does pique my interest why “Space Lord”? I’m not sure, this is my personal thought to it.. but I think it would be great to show a little bit more of a credential to his title. I mean, yes… all great and powerful mages would eventually get that specific title for them, but since it’s in prologue… you are creating his backstory, it would be nice to hint as to why he is feared and respected at the same time. Maybe point out his greatest achievement? Just a hint because I know that you will tell the story of how he became to be one. At least, in the first ropes, you will be able to get your audience’s grip on Theo’s journey on becoming the known Space Lord.

Dialogue

I think the dialogue can be improved. Sometimes, I had to read it twice before I can understand what the characters are trying to say (this is in the prologue - dialogue became a bit better in the following chapters). Maybe also try to enact how the conversation will flow before typing it. That’s how I do mine, so I get the picture of how the people involved in the conversation are acting. Add a bit more body language in between to give it more of a mood in the conversation.

I also notice that there will be lots of flashbacks. In the first chapter, I was kinda confused for a sec because it suddenly jumped into the past. Maybe add some signifiers? (sorry, I'm no expert in terms and definitely not an expert critic). But yeah, just be careful because it might cause confusion and then lead to disinterest.

Sentence Structure? (not sure what it’s really called for)

Learn to break long paragraphs into portions. Don’t chunk it all into one block. Honestly, I lose interest reading because it’s too long, so I just skim to the end of that block. I also notice that you use lots of commas instead of periods to break sentences. I think this must be improved.

World Building

Definitely a great start to world-building. I like how you were able to map out the setting of the story. But I think don’t be too general in the descriptions, because your world is a fantasy world, so the sky’s the limit for building the world. Add tiny bits of details to the surroundings and what the character sees, for more solid ground on world-building.

Grammar

Definitely not an expert, but I can see some that can be improved. Just proofread before publishing. I know it’s tiring but it definitely helps.

As I said, I'm no expert, so I hope you won't take it against me. :)

Title: X FORCE

Genre: SciFi

Synopsis: Max is one of the two X Forces soldiers was confirmed dead and his partner disappeared shortly after his demise after confirming that it was a planned kill from their inner circle.

Now with new threats arising and being unable to defend, they put out a search for Max after being spotted on a CCTV camera as he's the only one who can help with the destruction of their enemies.

When the new arrivals get wind of this, they send forces after Max as he and his partner are the only ones who can help them win their mother planet back from their oppressors.

What will Max do:

A road to revenge?

Join the faction that 'killed' him or,

Join the new arrivals from another planet.

What if I tell you Max isn't human!

Stay tuned for more updates.

Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/x-force_18382108905457905