Donniedrako15_
It's quite a coincidence that we both are writing heist, though mine is with sword and magic.
Just finished reading the first five chapters. Here's my thought.
First the book cover, you should change it to something fancy. In my opinion, go with something that shows the whole crew like in the suicide squad or now you see me poster.
Second the title and synopsis, the title is fine it worked well with your theme. Good Job there. But there are a few problems with the synopsis. You tell only about the premise of the story there's nothing about the protagonist. Also, clear out the prominent plot and subplot a bit in it. Show the conflict a bit as well.
And now the main issue.
The very first chapter is quite interesting, good job there. Readers would be able to find the theme immediately after reading the first chapter.
Your writing style is more than decent at the level of WN as far as I'm concerned. You showed the inner feeling quite well as well as the outer action. Maybe a little work on the place the characters were in would help it better.
I like there's a flaw in the magic system... Nowadays most would forget that and rained their characters with awful overpower shit.
I won't talk more about what you did well as I can tell you already know what you're good at.
Now the cons of The Cons (bad pun 😅)
The main problem that I found in your writing was PACING. I know how hard pacing can be it's where most aspiring writers struggled (I'm included). Here's a piece of common advice for pacing: shorter paragraphs mean fast pace, broader para means slow pace. It works on most occasion. The paragraphs on the second and third chapters were quite long, some even touching the two hundred words mark. While on the fifth chapter where you introduced Omna's perspective I think it will work well if you slow down the pace, even more, add more description and inner feeling into it.
The second con was the POV. You worked quite well in the first four chapters. But when you introduce Omna or the boss in their POV it kinda felt unnatural to me. Well, that's one of the limitations of 1st person POV. AND do remember to never write down who's POV it is. It should be in the writer's expertise to slip in who the narrator is. You can add just a line like this: Omna felt ominous in her whole body as she struggled to rise up from the bed...
Apart from that, there's no major issue I could see. Well, there were a few redundant sentence and telling rather than showing. These come with experience. Overall good writing. I'll gave you a thumbs up.
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Sure I will see what I can. I will probably review it tomorrow or next.
4 going on 10
