SpilledInk No joke! The only criticism I can give is I enjoyed your book or I did not enjoy reading the book, I am not sure why.
But these are intense, gammer, cover, synopsis, they are covering everything 
Detailed Review Request Thread!!
Dark_Scholars
You got some point but it wouldn't help the author about where he or she needed to improve...
Dark_Scholars
You got some point but it wouldn't help the author about where he or she needed to improve...
Sara_Wilcox Thank you I'll try and make changes like that fast.
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Okay, i think Imma make another novel, in order to join the upcoming contest. So if anyone have any time to review then it would be great :) and as of now. It's only 2 chapter.
LINK: THE SHADOW OF A TITAN
TAG: CULTIVATION, FANTASY, ADVENTURE, ACTION, MAGIC, MALEPROTAGONIST, BLOODLINE
SYNOPSIS:
This is the story of a small family branch son, a young boy with average talents with his pathway was already set to be ordinary. However, a strange bloodline emerges from his body. From that moment onwards, he turns from a fish into a dragon.
However, fate played tricks on him as his level dropped down to the beginning of the elementary profound realm and prohibiting him from cultivating in his primordial essence owing to its blockade.
This story is the rise of Wex Fallenhand's ascension as he battles numerous creatures, Beastmen, Elves, Giants, Trolls, Dragons, Glacial Wraiths and so on. Along with the countless challenges the world has to offer.
@SlyHand I finished reading what you have so far. The grammar is good, so I had an easy time following the story. Just make sure to proofread your novel at least twice, since there were a lot of places where you forgot punctuation, especially after dialogue. Another thing I wanted to mention is the prose. Try not to use "very" too much, since it's a dead word (one of my college professors used that term to describe those types of words). Essentially, "very" is often an unnecessary adverb/adjective that can be cut out without changing the sentence too much.
Now, on to my critique of your story:
The prologue was intriguing, and it did a good job of setting up the world. By writing it in a diary format, you managed to deliver exposition while tying it to a character's personal experience. I personally hope that we get to see this person again, and they're not just a throw-away character. I also wanted to point out that the character's voice was well-written, though I assume you just wrote the same way that you personally speak, and that's fine. The issue comes later on in the chapter when there's a 10-year time jump. The character continues to speak in the same exact way, but people can change A LOT in a decade. Consider changing up the syntax a bit, maybe making the character speak more formally or make them sound more mature. Other than that, it's a good prologue.
As for the next few chapters, they're pretty good as well. You introduced the main characters in a unique way, especially Jack. In the short time that Jack, Kana, and Lee interact, I can already feel them getting fleshed out. I would also like to commend how Kana and Jack use magic in a seemingly everyday situation, which gives slight hints about what magic can do while also keeping a fantastical tone. You even described the side characters in such a vivid fashion that I had no problem visualizing them. Overall, great character work. Keep it up.
For the plot, I can't really say too much since there are only four chapters. Personally, it would have been more exciting if the Monster Hunt happened a bit earlier, but I guess I'm just an impatient guy. I can see that you wanted to take the time to develop the main cast first, but there's a little bit missing when it comes to the Monster Hunt. Through exposition, you describe it as a huge event, but if nothing that ties it to the main characters, it won't feel huge to me, as the reader. Kana and Lee are just doing it because it's required (correct me if I'm wrong on this one since I haven't gotten the full context of the characters' personal lives yet).
I'll give a few suggestions for how to increase the reader's anticipation for the upcoming Monster Hunt.
1) What if Kana or Lee needs the fame from the Hunt so that they can make money to support a family member? This one's a bit cliche, but it still works well.
2) What if Kana is a crazed combat maniac who's addicted to hunting monsters?
Passionate characters are almost always compelling. For example, Ladd Russo from Baccano! is a psychopathic murderer, but he's so passionate about it that he's always an entertaining character on screen (if you haven't seen Baccano!, Ladd kills people all the time, and he has tons of fun doing so). Disclaimer: I don't condone murder.
3) What if Jack really wants to go on the Hunt to get famous, but his sister wants to stop him for his own safety? That creates an initial conflict and is more compelling than a character who doesn't want to participate in the hunt because he doesn't have to.
Those three suggestions are just a few out of dozens of possibilities. Your work is still in its early stages, so you have a lot of room to work with ideas. I don't want to write your characters for you, and I only gave those earlier suggestions to help you brainstorm.
Overall, your novel is great so far, and it has great potential.
Yulainei I'll give yours a read probably tomorrow. But I have a few questions about the synopsis:
"...a young boy with average talents with his pathway was already set to be ordinary."
This sentence is hard to follow. Maybe rewrite it as, "...a young boy average talents, and whose pathway was already set to be ordinary."
"From that moment onwards, he turns from a fish into a dragon."
Is this a metaphor? It's a bit confusing to discern in a synopsis. Generally, you want to keep your synopsis as straightforward as possible, without using too many figures of speech.
Epyonnn Wow, thanks a lot for the detailed feedback!
I agree with you that it might be a bit weird that after the 10 years gap. The idea crossed my mind but I went against it, thinking that the context of using the diary is mostly for the man to throw his frustration. I hope it was alright though :)
And btw, I'm really surprised that you actually got part of the plot correct haha. It wasn't exactly the same as you mentioned but it was very close :D Does that mean I'm a fan of cliches? :O
May I have the link to your novel? It is a review swap and I'd like to thank you for the feedback :D
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Yoan_Roturier
Lol... there was this trashy story I read. The grammar and overall reasoning was so bad, it was like I was eating a plate of rise with a lot of sand and little stones in it...
It was torture.
Donniedrako15_ no problem, I’m just happy to have helped
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Oookay... I like this kind of thread! =D
So, if someone is willing to give me an honest review, please be my guest!
I'll do only one review for now, as I come back from work late and need time to read, so I'll privilege the one who will do mine if he has one. Otherwise, I'll just take a request.
- Title: Crossing Our Paths
- Genre: Transmigration, Xianxia, Fantasy, Cultivation, BL (PS: if you fear the BL tag, well...don't worry about it, as nothing will happen in the chapters that are published (0-25)) (PPS: You don't have to read ALL the chapters, of course!)
- Synopsis: Ayden, son of Orchar, was just a Free Man of the Plains, a mercenary selling his sword to anyone who wanted to hire him and his friends. It was meant to be a quest like any other, even though it was based on an absurd legend: finding a dragon's egg.
And when they found it - along with the dragons - who would have predicted such a turn of events? Why had he woken up in an unknown forest? These trees were strange, with long, round green trunks, and he could no longer recognize the sky above him. But most of all, how could these men fly on their swords? Cultivation? Ghouls? Demons?
Ayden was going to have to find answers as he continued on his way through this whole new world. And if he couldn't take his eyes off this surprising cultivator sometimes, well...
- Link: Crossing Our Paths
Edel_Li I can do yours if you like. I read the synopsis, and it looks promising. What I can do is read the first three chapters, leave comments when/if I find errors, then leave a full review on here. If you like the review, I can post it to your book. Would you be interested? I’ve done a couple on here already, so if you scroll up, you can see examples of what I’ll do. Reply to this if it is acceptable to you
Sara_Wilcox Oh dear, I would appreciate that! ;)
Please don't go easy on me and do not worry about me! I already know my looong traditional paragraphs will hurt you... xD
I can look at your story if you would like? Just bear in mind that I'm not a native English speaking person, but I'll do my best if you want to!
Thanks!
Epyonnn Thank you so much for pointing out. I didn't proofread my chapters. I'll change it.
SlyHand I'm glad I could help. Here's my link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/non-player-character_20219961506365305
Hello! I come from the other post ( I read @Yoan_Roturier's 1/2 review ) and I'm willing to review another's if you @ me o(￣▽￣)ブ I have only 7 chapters atm.
Title:
True Half
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Synopsis:
"This life and the next, I will love you for eternity."
Would you recognize your True Half?
In the World of Syre, there is an evil game played amongst four kingdoms. Every 30 years, chosen nobles and royalty are gifted with the memory of their past life and an invitation to the game by the Mercy of God. The rules are simple: find your soulmate at all costs.
If you lose, you and your family are cursed to die within the next 12 months. If you win, you are gifted with the highest social class's prosperity and wealth for the rest of your life. There is too much at stake and too much to lose.
What happens when Mira, a lowly peasant girl, receives the invitation to the game? Her journey started only as a quest to save her brother until she discovers that her True Half might instead be the cold-hearted Crown Prince, the playful Duke heir, or the mysterious noble Xith. Twists and turns at every end, this True Half game is unpredictable yet addictive.
She swore on no romance in her past life, and she doesn’t exactly remember her True Half. Find out how Mira, an extraordinary spy turned farmer orphan, finds love and divine secrets in the maze of royal palaces.
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/true-half_19728092005066305
Cover Picture:
(btw if anyone is wondering how to post cover images on the forum, do  )
no space btwn .jpg and )
Edel_Li sure
I appreciate all feedback And don’t worry about privilege unless you like my book. Coins are expensive
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Sara_Wilcox Perfect, I don't have any coins, so this should be good! xD
Which story of yours should I check?
EDIT: Found your link, The Aquarian Crown, all good ;)
I drew a new cover for my book. Can I get some feedback on it?
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Epyonnn I can easily see what the story will be about, so it's cool and easy to read, but the font is too simplistic/standard. It reduces the potential attractiveness level, and it would be better if the font is more of a futuristic style of font (like @Yulainei 's cover) or a tinge of fanciness like Times New Roman. I would also recommend having some shadowing in there and then slap a webnovel's logo to make it look legit.
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SpilledInk
Humm, there are those kind of stories. Although I dislike grammatical errors, I think we shouldn't mock those authors. It requires a lot of investments on their part to write those stories. Time, knowledge, research, and others. You can frown at their mistakes but... hum. Mocking them is disrespectful, even if the author's work is the worst of all, my dear cutie pie Udeju :P
cute eyes cute eyes cute eyes
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Hum, simple sometimes is best. It does indeed show what the story is going to be about. Which is great. Furthermore, if he drew it himself it means it's his own image rights. Which is even better. As for an actual critic, here's my two cents.
To my opinion, it lacks a certain impact. A punch so to say.
That might be due to how cramp the cover is. It is good in a way since it forces people to focus on the important stuff. However, I don't sense this "wow it looks awesome!" vibe. Maybe because it lacks some background image. We only see a dark background with some kind of knight turning his back to the readers (which is cool in my opinion.)
Also, the lack of color might be one of those variables. It does indicate the tone of the book tho. So it's far from being a useless thing. I haven't been through your story yet, so I might come back to that afterward.
The cross is downright well done, as well as the highlighted letters. Clearly tells us what to expect. Although I think you should align those letters to make it look more professional. A neat/clean cover is more attractive in general. Ah! There is also that "Character" size. It looks compressed, I feel out of breath just looking at it. Try to even it out. You could, for example, reduce the size of the white letters but keep the red ones just as big as they are now.
As for those sakura petals in the background.... hum. It's weird. It feels like there are here just to be fillers. To fill in those empty areas.
Overall, it's not a back cover at all. It does what it's here for, but it does lack the "wow" vibe. But that's really hard to do, you have to order a cover from an artist to get that vibe. I think you can leave your cover picture as is, or maybe implement the "letter size" change I talked about.
Hope it helps.
As for the font...hmm, I'll come back to that after reading your story.
Yoan_Roturier i agree with the letter size change. On mobile, you will only see the bottom half of the cover when you click on the book and right now the text does feel a bit overwhelming by itself. Adding some shadows will add dimension to it, which won't be a "wow" punch bu it will add to its texture. I would also refer to the translated works for their covers since they're made by experienced artists of the qidian platform.
Title: Arcana Legends
Genre: Fantasy, Shonen, Action
Synopsis: Naturalism is the power to use arcana to shape the world around you and it's Daimyon's time to learn how to use this power. He enrolls at West Gaia Academy to start this long journey where he meets a shy girl named Kiyonna who holds incredible hidden power and is immediately thrust into protecting her from the dangerous Shadow Walkers. On the brightside Bones "The Spirit Reaper" decided to take him under his wing and train him. He'll protect his friends at any cost unless Bones training kills him first.
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/arcana-legends_19694226705957105
MimiTea Please review mine if you don't mind.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/arcana-legends_19694226705957105
MimiTea yours is pretty good the only thing I would say is that the prose is a bit much to the point that it affects the pacing making it a little slow. But, still really good.
Epyonnn I have read the first 7 chapters of the novel and here's my view as an amateur. :)
Honestly, there's nothing that I can say about the delivery and grammar. It was awesome to the point that I am thinking of re-reading them whenever I got stuck in my writing. Even more so when it was written in the first POV :D I love how you expressed the character's mentality in the earlier chapter, including the build-up that leads to the current situation. I believe it helped me understand the MC in a personal level.
Here's my personal opinion about the story:
The prologue was... awesome. You showed a short 'shocking' scene before giving a flashback on how the character ended up in that situation. It did a wonderful job of setting up the world while introducing the characters in the most immersive way possible. I believe, many movies out there used this technique to open their scenes. The recently released, "Cruella" is one of them.
The characters, I can only say that I'm ecstatic with the quality of the read :D.
I have yet to read the main content of the story but I believe it will be as great as the opening. I'm expecting a detailed world, seen through the eyes of our MC. The story will probably take some dark turns but I hope to see more character building from the MC. I'll be cheering him on!
To conclude, your writing is first class! The story was also very engaging to the readers, can't wait to read more :)
P.S
Honestly, I found it a bit funny when I realized that you used an anagram to name your God of Chaos and Order. There were also a good amount of references to other works, engaging me to read further. The one I personally recognize is the "Temptation of Thanatos" and "My body plummeted, racing to the night below". :D
Arcana_Legends Hi sure! I’ll review yours tomorrow since its late here rn. Please do tell me on how I can improve as for the prose as well! :))
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@Dark_Scholars
Alright little disciple, Roturier-sensei got to you. Be sure to read that attentively, cause it might just help you. I sure hope it won't break you. I tried to add my comedic style to it but... hum well you know.
Y.R. Honest review #3
Title: The To Do List
Author: Dark_Scholars
Chapters read: Until chapter 3
Story:
The plot as it was presented in your synopsis is interesting to me. How-the-very-ever, it doesn’t even make its entrance in the first three chapters. Which is very frustrating. I was looking for it but only found a lot of info on some old forest, a war, some kind of op guy, two boys that look like will hookup each others in the near future, etc.
Basically, your first three chapters are what we called “info dump.” It’s basically bombarding your readers with informations at every turn. Example:
Paragraph 1: Hey, there was that war with that guy there!
Paragraph 2: Hey, there was that tree and another tree next to it. BUT they aren’t the species!
Paragraph 3: Hey, there are a lot of storage rings here! In that one there are swords from a long lost empire, in that one… blablabla
Paragraph 4: Hey, there will be… blablabla.
I think you got it by now. Anyway, info dumps were a popular concept when fantasy started, but then dropped to favor more… hum “diving into the story openings,” but it is now knowing an unprecedent golden age with online novels. Which I don’t understand why. Info dumps are really hard to digest. Although, that’s my personnel opinion, I can understand that there are readers out there that like those kind of intro to a book.
However, to my mind, as a reader, I want to dive into the story, not to know what event took place a long time ago, not what that particular tree is, not what that guy has in his pants, and all that in one chapter! It is hard to read, and doesn’t make “me” wanna read more. So, I’d suggest you rewrite your first three chapters. Particularly your Prologue and Chapter one.
Make them more immersive. Describe what your character sees but not the HISTORY of what he sees. Use his five senses, what does he touch, smell, taste, hear and sees. How does he react to those? What does he think of his surroundings? How does he feel about it?
For example, instead of talking about the war maybe you could just explain or even better, show that he is sad or downright tired of playing hero. And that that particular war exhausted him, cause I sure didn’t feel that, but it was right in your synopsis tho. I’d recommand you use it early on in the story, if you did use it, I’m sorry, my mind wondered because of the info dump and I didn’t see it.
By the way, Webnovel automatically write for you “Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3, etc.” SO it brings me to my other advise. But take a look at this first.
Chapter 2: Chapter One
Chapter 2: Razel’s Awakening
Which is more appealing to you? Right, I won’t even bother telling you. So, becareful with those. Maybe I’m being nitpicky but that actually caught my attention rather quickly. I’m that kind of bastard ekekeke.
World building:
Apart from that, it is clear that this world is vast. An ancient war, artefacts from ancient times, reincarnation, a certain library, etc. How-the-very-ever, the way it is put together is a tad-very-bit messy. It might be clear in your head, because you got the story there, but I’d invite you to reread it and see the flow. Not the flaw like issue but flow like flowing water. To begin with, if you can rearrange your three first chapters and make it so they aren’t info-dumps, it’ll be much clearer to my opinion.
Character design:
Hum, Razel is physically well depicted and has an appearance that screams “mystery” to it. You did spend some time on characterization. How-the-very-ever (I’m starting to like that made up word), you don’t dive deep enough into his psyche. Which brings me back to my previous advise, use the five senses to SHOW what’s going on. And also, do tell what he thinks. And did I already tell you I’d advise to avoid info dumps? Yes? Ah well, then I’ll you again. Avoid info dumps.
Writing quality:
Alright so, it’s far from being the worst I’ve seen, so don’t worry I won’t charge at you like the incredible Hulk. In fact, I perceive a really good descriptive MIND. What I mean by that is you have the potential to describe things beautifully, with elegance, unlike my rough-stone-like writing style. You just lack the knowledge to do it. But fear not, because guess what? It gets better with time and perseverance. If you want to speed up the process you can take online courses. There are a lot of free courses out there. I’d suggest you look up the following issues online:
Punctuation: there is a clear lack of punctuation usage. A pity, because those can a real-life saver sometimes.
Tenses: Present tense and Past tense, see their usage and differences. However, I do recommend to stick to past tense at all times when you're writing. There are exceptions of course like during dialogs. But stick to it at all times. But first learn how to use past tense because I've seen a hell of lot of tenses issue.
How to avoid repetition (I actually don’t know if there are courses for that one.
You can also find some really interesting free excercices on… damn what was that site name again hold on… Ah yeah, Khan Academy. Look it up. It sure helped me. Tho I got sick of that training after a month I sure got out of it with a better grasp on our dear English language.
Anyway, that’s all I could think of. Pray tell if you have something to add or ask.
Read you later Darkie.
PS: You could have told me it was a BL.
Yoan_Roturier
Sensei, it didn't break me rather I would say I am excited. Maybe it is the feeling of knowing what is actually wrong.
To be honest, a friend complained about the prologue and I have been feeling stumped, not knowing what to do because the prologue is about the ml, not the mc (a bl term) Sorry about not telling you about the bl. It wouldn't show in the first 50 chapters or much later, the novel is not primarily romance but slice of life.
About the info dump
What to do? If it is too little, the reader would have no clue, too much, it is a dump and takes them out of the novel. I really need to learn to incorporate it in slowly? How to do that or should I post a guide first like some books.
Thanks for the compliment 
First, I was told I need to spend more time describing, now I am praised for it. I have improved, it is exciting.
Yes, the world is really vast especially as there are two timelines.
Thanks for the review Sensei, it was worth the wait. I will try to fix it 
at my own end. Thanks again
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Dark_Scholars
Try reading about how to write the first chapters online. You'll be surprised by how much useful infos there are out there.
You can also read the openings of Webnovels famous books... although... some of them are... limited.
You can also read mine, however, it's not the perfect example of what should be done. I have my own writing style after all and made it quite... hum... fast paced.
As for your description, keep in mind that I complimented your train of thought. Your actual writing got blurred by grammar issues. If you can learn to fix your grammar issues then you'll probably do fine or even great.
Furthermore, I should add that prologues... are prologues. What you did my disciple is the first chapter. Not really a prologue in my eyes. Prologues are meant to introduce some clue to foreshadow a certain event, but it doesn't introduce the story as the first chap does. Humm, note that I might be wrong on that. That's how I use prologues.
So do switchback that title into chapter 1 kakaka.
Yoan_Roturier @MimiTea I think you guys are seeing the wrong cover (the old one). I'm really sure what's going on. Maybe refresh a couple of times? The new cover is supposed to have a girl falling into the sky. If it still doesn't change, I'll send a DM on discord.
@Yoan_Roturier @MimiTea Also, the reason why I re-designed my old cover was because of the stuff you guys pointed out. The cover just felt kinda 'off' for me. Here's the link again to see if it works this time.
Yoan_Roturier
Lol... it wasn't just the grammar. Trust me. I've read novels on this app for over 2 years and I have over 400hours of reading, so you can imagine that I've come across my fair share of books with bad grammar.
Funny enough, I'm one reader who will still read a story with terrible grammar as long as I enjoy the storyline. There was one such book. I kept reading till like 32 Chapters even though the grammar was beyond unbearable.
My curiosity was keeping me going. I kept asking myself... "Why are you still reading this?", but I kept on reading nonetheless.
So trust me. Grammar was not my only problem. The overall reasoning capacity was fundamentally flawed.
