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Hi I am an author, and my novel is "God of Abominations". I am wondering how to get a contract on it, and if there is a way to negotiate the terms for when to receive the money if I were to get a contract. How would I get that contract, and how popular must the novel be to get a contract or does that not matter? My novel currently has 15 chapters and 77,924 words. It has 20 collections and 4.1k views (but the views are multiplied by 10 by Webnovel for some reason (and I have completely confirmed this beyond any semblance of doubt), so it's actually about 410 views), so I was wondering if this meets the requirements to get a contract? If not, how much more would I need to get a contract?

Wow.
That's a lot of words for 15 chapters.
All works enter into a queue system for contracting process automatically. The waiting time until a contract is offered to you is around 2 months.
After that you can ask the editors in discord about the status of your novel.
Payment terms are covered in the contract already.

yeetitetatious General requirement is 12k words and the collection to views ratio should not exceed 300 or 350.
Just divide your views by your collections.
Also, growth also matters. with 15 chapters, your views are a bit low. I would suggest you to start promoting your novel off the platform. At least reach 10k views for 15 chapter[so 2:3} Or even exceed it.

yeetitetatious Also, like what Lu Shui said... too much work for just 15 chapters, if your chapters are bigger just divide them in parts. That's what I do.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-god-of-jesters_23577019206689905

yeetitetatious Also, just checked your rnovel. Your release rate is super slow. So that might be the reason for why its so behind in viewer ship.
Do at least 2 chapters a week.

GoGo How do I promote it off-platform? I don't have social media and I don't have any friends either. On top of that, I don't even know how to put information on the internet anyway.

yeetitetatious Make a Facebook ID and visit the fan page of Webnovel and promote there.

Though the better idea would be to promote your work on the Discord server of Inkstone and Webnovel.
Even try Scribblehub's discord if you wish. But dont' be pushy and post your novel links out of nowhere.

First ask the members where to promote and where you can put your links in.
And then talk to them about your novel but don't give out any links or name.

And only if they show interest do you DM(Direct Message) your novel to them or show tell them the name.

yeetitetatious Also, its 1500-2000 words not 5000. So keep watch at that.

GoGo Thx, I'll do that then. I do have discord and Facebook already, so that helps lol. I'm just not active on them lol.

yeetitetatious You can ignore Facebook. But don't do it for the discord.
As you know, in this day and age. Promotion of a product is more important than the product itself.

GoGo What's the discord for inkstone? Is there a link somewhere?

yeetitetatious https://discord.gg/9XfhsEz

yeetitetatious how i can check my real novel views?

Abdullah_Hamada An odd question, but in on mobile app click the middle button on the bottom of the page and you can see the details about your novels from there.
On the desktop, it simply shows up on the main page of a novel.

https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-god-of-jesters_23577019206689905

Take my novel for example, 22.2k views at the moment.

@GoGo has solid advice. Try really, really hard to stay above 1,000 words and below 2,000 words. Readers on this site have incredibly low attention spans.

GoGo's advice on update frequency is also accurate. Readers (and Webnovel) want frequent, predictable updates. I believe Webnovel will ask you to post at least 1,000 words per day if you get a contract with them (and will really want you to post at least 1,500 per day), so you'll need to get used to publishing much more quickly if you want to get a contract.

Of course, publishing much shorter chapters will make that easier to do.

On that same note, you also need to use shorter paragraphs. You shouldn't be going above 70 or so words for your longest paragraphs, and should cut them even shorter whenever you use complex sentences. 350-word paragraphs will simply lose the attention of most readers here.

Whenever you have a change in narration topic, at the very least, you need a new paragraph. In your first chapter, you have a long paragraph which starts by describing the MC's mental state, then his physical features, then his clothes, then the city guard, then the master of the city, under the umbrella of giving context for the MC's clothes.

Even without editing the actual content of that paragraph, it would read much, much better if you cut it up into small chunks like this:

He was a young boy at the age of fourteen, and he was extremely thin because of his lack of activity after his sister died.

He had been depressed and sad to the point that it affected him physically, further deteriorating his body. On top of already being extremely small for his age, he would now have a malnourished body and was extremely thin.

However, he could be said to be handsome if he was not so thin.

He had beautiful blue eyes and jet black hair cut short. The robes which he put on were a silvery blue in color, and although they were not of high quality, they were not of low quality either. On the front of them was a small patch with a small silver sparrow silhouette on it. Below the sparrow was a single bronze star representing his rank.

A single bronze star was the lowest rank above commoners, and it was not at all powerful in the city.

The city was called the city of silver sparrow, famous for its silver sparrow guard, which were all extremely powerful with three silver stars each. They were the city's last line of defense and had always been the trump card of the city of silver sparrow. The silver sparrow guard was made up of five members and all of them had strength only below the city master, who was the strongest person in the city.

The city master was the only one in the city to be ranked at one gold star. In total, there were three bronze stars, three silver stars, and three gold stars. Those at the three star gold ranked warrior level were known to be invincible and they were not someone that anyone could kill.

You're also redundant with a lot of your description, like telling us three times in less than 80 words in the above section that the boy was thin, or by just repeating basic details and actions very closely together:

As he walked out of his room, the boy heard his mother's voice. "Su Tao, I made breakfast. Come eat," The boy's name was Su Tao, and he went up to the table and ate.

Or like this bit from the next chapter:

As he got into the water, he winced in pain since it was still extremely hot, and even though it wouldn't burn him, it would still cause him a tiny bit of pain, and on top of the pain from his aching muscles, it was very painful.
But the pain went away very quickly and soon relaxed his muscles.

As his muscles relaxed in the hot water, the pain lowered to a tolerable point so that he could train again.

Your first chapter is just describing the MC being a depressed kid with a mother who loves him, as well as describing the setting. 5K words is way too much for this. Readers want to see some kind of action or forward momentum in the first chapter.

An opening is your chance to promise the reader what kind of story they're about to read, and having a depressed MC who does nothing is probably the single worst kind of opening you can make.

Keep in mind that, by the standards of this site, a reader would have read two to four chapters of another story by the time they finish your first chapter, and during that time, there is no plot progression and the MC shows neither any power nor any virtue that will make a reader cheer for him.

My suggestion is to remove the current first two chapters and make a new first chapter with the following plot:

1. Su Tao shows up to the training ground. People talk behind his back about him as he sets up to train. Someone has pity for him because he has become depressed and weak after his sister's death. Someone else mocks him for his weakness. A third person chastises the second person, saying that Su Tao is showing mental strength by forcing himself to train even though he's depressed and weak.

2. Su Tao ignores the people talking about him, only focusing on training. The pain he feels is much greater than before, because his body has deteriorated, but he forces himself to push through the pain and train harder than he ever has before. He imagines that he is striking the face of the young master who killed his sister, and this makes him punch harder and faster until he is at the point of exhaustion. He falls to the ground.

3. Su Chao comes over and mocks Su Tao to his face for being so weak that a training dummy could defeat him. However, Su Tao ignores him, gets back up, and keeps training.

4. Su Chao attacks Su Tao, and your chapter continues as normal, ending with Su Tao being struck by lightning as your chapter currently describes.

All of that should take no more than 2,000 words. You shouldn't give all the details of the city right away, but give details over many chapters as the details become relevant. Readers care about characters much more than they care about the city and the guards.

I also highly recommend you use the free version of the ProWritingAid software to help edit your chapters. PWA is much better than Grammarly.

Also, please don't tell your reader the story isn't good in your synopsis! You want to convince them it is worth their time, not tell them they have to sit through a bad story for a while until it gets good. Just start with the good part.

Here's a better version of your synopsis:

Destiny is unpredictable.

No mortal can tell how, where, and when any event might occur.

This is especially true for poor Su Tao, a young, talentless boy in a city of bullies and thugs.

When the city's young master humiliates and murders his sister, Su Tao loses all hope.

He has forgotten the words his sister once lived by: "Never give up hope. So long as you hold on, there's always time for a miracle."

That miracle has come...

...and now Su Tao is the strongest abomination this world has ever seen.

I'm an editor, so feel free to ask any more writing questions you might have, and I'll try to answer them!

EldritchBlade Thanks for the advice! I am going to go back in and rewrite the first chapter, and I was actually planning to cut up the paragraphs as well already, I just hadn't gotten to it yet. I don't use Grammarly and IDK what PWA is, but I'll check it out. As for the repeating information thing, that is just something I tend to do without thinking, and I will work on not doing that as much. As for the synopsis, I will change it and get rid of the thing about the story developing later like you said, and I will shorten up the chapters.
I was originally planning to rewrite the earlier chapters later on once I got more writing experience anyway, so this advice really helps me to do that.
As for writing questions, I will probably ask a few later on for how to shorten the chapters and how to do dialogue. Because, if you ended up reading the first couple chapters, you probably noticed that there are only a couple lines of dialogue in the entire thing, and that is because I'm not good at having characters interact. So, if you have any advice for that, I would love to have it as it would really help me.

EldritchBlade also, I forgot to mention, but the reason that my word/chapter count is so high is because the later chapters all have twice the amount of words compared to the first few chapters. The first chapter actually doesn't have 5,000 words. It has 3,406 words, which is much closer to the range that you talked about.

chery_cabral lol you should always read the full contract before signing.

I will probably ask a few later on for how to shorten the chapters and how to do dialogue. ... So, if you have any advice for that, I would love to have it as it would really help me.

One of the best strategies for maximizing dialogue is to take your existing narration and have characters deliver the same information. Readers don't like a ton of exposition, but they tolerate it better when characters deliver it rather than the narrator.

The simplest and most effective example is to shift to the MC's inner thoughts when you have something interesting happen but no existing dialogue in the scene.

If the MC woke up and realized that he'd been teleported into a cave, you could just give the information as narration:

MC woke up surrounded by darkness.

He was terrified for a moment, wondering if he was blind, but then realized that he could see the vague shapes of cave walls around him.

He cast a light spell and illuminated his surroundings. MC breathed a sigh of relief as he realized that this was the cold storage cave near his home...

But his relief faded as he couldn't come up with an explanation for how he'd gotten there.

You could instead give this as internal thought, and most readers would find it more engaging:

MC woke up surrounded by darkness.

Where am I? he wondered in terror. Am I blind!?

But then he realized that he could see the vague shapes of cave walls around him. Ah, he thought, that's a relief. Let me cast my light spell and figure out where I am...

After illuminating his surroundings, MC recognized them as the cold storage cave near his home.

But then his relief faded.

How on Earth did I get here?

Otherwise, when you have characters interact in an offhand manner that's not overly important to the story, feel free to add one or two lines of brief dialogue.

You could spice this up:

MC finally lost his pursuers. He needed to change his appearance before emerging back into the crowd, so he found a used clothing shop. He sold his old, red cloak, replaced it with a brown traveling coat and a hat, and emerged back into the street.

Like this:

MC finally lost his pursuers. He needed to change his appearance before emerging back into the crowd, so he found a used clothing shop.

"Hello!" said the old man who owned the shop. He stared at MC's old, red cloak. "You buying... or selling?"

A few minutes later, MC had sold that red cloak and replaced it with a brown traveling coat and a hat, then emerged back into the street.

"Come again!" the old man called happily behind him as he left.

A basic rule of writing is that when you shift the person acting or talking, you need a new paragraph. So this paragraph from your first chapter:

As he walked out of his room, the boy heard his mother's voice. "Su Tao, I made breakfast. Come eat," The boy's name was Su Tao, and he went up to the table and ate.

Should be:

As he walked out of his room, the boy heard his mother's voice.

"Su Tao, I made breakfast. Come eat."

The boy's name was Su Tao, and he went up to the table and ate.

Also, dialogue should only end with a comma if you have a dialogue tag after it. So this is acceptable:

"Come eat," she said.

This is unacceptable:

"Come eat," The boy's name was Su Tao.

However, this only applies to dialogue tags, not action tags, so these would be unacceptable:

"Come eat," she kicked the table.

"Come eat," she served the food.

You need full stops for these, because you're starting a new sentence rather than describing the action of her speaking:

"Come eat." She kicked the table.

"Come eat." She served the food.

Exclamation points and question marks can function similar to either commas or periods/full stops, depending on whether a new sentence starts after them. So these are both acceptable:

"Where is the boy?" she asked. (as a comma)

Where is the boy?" Her words hung in the silence between them. (as a period)

An important thing to remember is that one of the main benefits of dialogue is providing a series of short paragraphs with a lot of "white space" that makes the reader feel like they're reading quickly through an exciting story.

Going back to the example of the MC selling his cloak, we added three line breaks into the same content as one whole paragraph, improving the flow for the Webnovel audience that prefers very short paragraphs.

In the example of the MC waking up in the cave, we increased the line break count from three to five.

Hopefully some of this was helpful! Feel free to ask any other dialogue questions you have.

As for making chapters shorter, that depends on a ton of factors and I don't have much generic advice. The best I can offer is to be very aware of your word count ahead of time and to plan exactly where you want your scene to start and end, then spend most of your writing time filling in the middle so you don't run longer than you intended.

If you end up with a 2500-word scene or longer, it's probably best (for Webnovel purposes) to expand it to two 1500-word chapters (or even three 1000-word chapters) rather than trim it down to a single shorter chapter.

Update frequency is one of your most powerful tools for attracting an audience on Webnovel. Readers can't see your word count like they can on RoyalRoad. They only see your chapter count.

When you post a new chapter, you end up at the top of the "recently updated" feed, you increase the perceived length of your story, and I think it's likely that the Webnovel algorithm is a little more favorable to you (though I have no proof).

Also, if you do chop a long chapter into smaller chapters, don't publish them at once.

Especially if you want to go contracted, you want as large a backlog of unpublished chapters as possible, because you want to adhere to a regular release schedule, and there will be days when you have a deadline but simply cannot write. A backlog of unpublished chapters is your secret weapon for this.

is this a good revised synopsis?

It's a little better. One quick detail: You need hard line breaks between those paragraphs, not simply new lines. So the formatting should look like this:

Destiny is unpredictable. No one could ever know where and when something might happen.

This is especially so for Su Tao. He was a young boy with next to no talent raised in a city where he was bullied and beaten.

His dear sister had been killed, and life could almost not be worse for him.

But as his sister always said before she died, don't give up hope, and maybe, just maybe, a miracle might happen.

Now, he might just be the strongest abomination that this world has ever seen.

He sees through all secrets. Nothing can hide from his eyes. His heart beats only for the death of his enemies and for the life of his friends.

Those who stand in his way will die, and those that stand by his side will rise.

The abomination is coming, and the world is not ready for it.

"Something might happen" is incredibly vague and casual, which makes it clash with the grim tone of the rest of the synopsis. That's why I tweaked it to "event might occur," which is a bit more formal.

"Maybe, just maybe" is one of the cheesiest phrases in the English language, and I strongly recommend avoiding it at all costs.

"His dear sister has been killed" is very passive. For such a horrible event, we want it as active as possible. We want to accuse the man who killed her. So we want "The city's young master has killed his dear sister."

The opportunity to prove that his dead sister's saying has come true is so powerful that you're wasting a huge opportunity if you skip the "That miracle has come" line.

You give the exact same sentiment twice in a row with the "enemies will die, allies will rise" stuff, so that should be cut to one instance.

You want to use present tense, not past tense, and definitely don't want to mix present and past tense.

If you really want to keep the content you currently have, I'd suggest this form:

Destiny is unpredictable.

No one could ever know where and when a given event might occur.

This is especially so for Su Tao, a young boy with next to no talent raised in a city where he is bullied and beaten.

The city's young master has killed his dear sister, and Su Tao's life could not get worse.

But as his sister always said before she died, "Don't give up hope, and a miracle might come."

That miracle 'has' come, and now Su Tao might be the strongest abomination this world has ever seen.

He sees through all secrets. Nobody can hide from his eyes. Every heartbeat is a whispered oath:

Those who stand in his way will die, and those who stand by his side will rise.

The abomination has come, and the world is not ready for it.

EldritchBlade Thx, I will use this. You're right, it is much better than the one that I had before. I really appreciate the help.

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EldritchBlade please can you check mine?
https://m.webnovel.com/book/fighting-destiny_22334384405748505
Also l don't really understand but I have 55 ratings and about 42 collections.Also l have written 29 chapters and gave more than 16000 views.Does that guarantee I can get a contract cause I've already applied?

GoGo Sorry newbie here! How so you do so?

Megan_Immanuella I doubt there's any way to guarantee you'll get a contract. Now that WN seems to have changed how the contract process works (like, they give you a menu to apply for it in Inkstone) I have even less of an idea than before about what they look for in a contracted novel.

Having a lot more ratings than collections seems weird to me. Did you previously have many more collections but then people removed your story from their library, or is this the most you've ever had? Did you trade reviews for most of the ones you have, or are most of them organic?

I'd expect the two explanations to be either that most of your reviews were from swaps (so they're not left by actual readers) and you don't have many collections, or, if you previously had many more collections but tons of people removed it from their library, then you wrote something that offended or insulted a huge number of readers who all removed their collections.

One way or another, I'd expect a story with as many views as you have, and which has been published for as long as yours has, to have at least three times as many collections, and probably many more.

EldritchBlade some of them like 45 were actual readers while the rest were swaps,Does this affect my chances?

Megan_Immanuella Like I said, I have no idea what your chances actually are. But WN definitely wants to contract stories where they know lots of people will frequently pay money to unlock chapters. Having lots of active readers who are engaged enough to frequently leave comments and keep reading as you release is probably the best goal you can aim for in that regard.

EldritchBlade Oh my world. What I wouldn't give for a review like this on my book. But this is quite good, though. I have some books you might enjoy reading with the level of knowledge you have

Try reading: Justice And Desire and Deadly Bargain

Mallory_reads Well, you clearly have a better understanding of writing than most people on this site, lol.

In Chapter 1 of JnD, this paragraph stood out to me in the beginning:

And although I knew I should be investigating big cases-cases that involved the Bologna or the Morellos, the worst and most dangerous families ruling these streets for lord knew how long, I'd take anything that has to do with protecting civilians in a heartbeat. Even if it meant me chasing dumb criminals who had shit for brains. What could I say? I loved my Job.

Of course, "job" shouldn't be capitalized. The main thing that caught my eye was your parenthetical. You can use a few different ways to give a parenthetical, the first of which is obviously with parentheses:

I went to the store (the one on the other side of town, since the usual one was closed) and bought a turnip.

But the more common ways are with commas and em-dashes.

I went to the store, the one on the other side of town, since the usual one was closed, and bought a turnip.

I went to the store—the one on the other side of town, since the usual one was closed—and bought a turnip.

(I prefer em-dashes to the other methods)

However, in your paragraph, you mix a regular dash with a comma. You should never use a regular dash to offset a parenthetical like this, and you need to make sure you use the same offset character on both sides.

If you're on Windows, hitting the Windows key plus the period key will bring up the character map. You can easily select the em-dash from that, if you're not already using writing software that autocorrects -- to —.

Formatted properly, your sentence would look like:

And although I knew I should be investigating big cases—cases that involved the Bologna or the Morellos, the worst and most dangerous families ruling these streets for lord knew how long—I'd take anything that has to do with protecting civilians in a heartbeat.

In general, aside from the parentheticals, you also should be using an em dash instead of a regular dash to set off lines like this:

I was about to eat lunch—and this time, it would be personal.

Also, definitely make sure to be consistent with your past tense in the narration. "I'd take anything that has to do" should be "I'd take anything that had to do".

On that note, looking at the first paragraph of Chapter 2:

We finally walked through the revolving doors of the local district station, and I smelled the fat-induced, sugar and spice scent of a fuck-load of doughnuts. Really? No wonder all cops get stereotyped as doughnut-eating slobs—because it's true. In all my years in the force, all these fuckers did was prove every horrible thing ever said about them. No wonder they hated me for being the best of them all. Jealousy they say kills.

For this:

No wonder all cops get stereotyped as doughnut-eating slobs—because it's true.

This is fine to have in the present tense because it talks about something continuous and habitual. The narrator's thinking back to the story events from the future, but the stereotype and habit of the cops is still valid to him.

On the other hand:

In all my years in the force, all these fuckers did was prove every horrible thing ever said about them.

This implies the narrator is looking back to the past from a future where he's no longer a cop. If that was your intention, then great. If instead you meant this in a more general way, to say "I'm still a cop and I'm thinking back to my older history as a cop", then you'd want this:

In all my years in the force, all these fuckers had done was prove every horrible thing ever said about them.

Make sure you're separating your actors into their appropriate paragraphs. This:

"Fuck you, Gunner," he groaned and I smirked.

"Funny enough, you're not the first one to say those exact words to me today."

Should be this:

"Fuck you, Gunner," he groaned.

I smirked. "Funny enough, you're not the first one to say those exact words to me today."

The other thing that stood out to me is this is supposed to be contemporary romance, but I was getting, like, 1920s-1930s vibes in the first couple chapters. Especially with lines like:

I hear more cursing than prayer these days, anyway.

And... the fact that Gunner being half-African makes for lots of gossip, with someone calling him "Brown" with a capital B, something that usually refers to Middle Eastern people?

I'm not sure whether this is supposed to mean one of his parents is an African national and so they see him as a weird foreigner with a strange accent, that this is an extremely insular Italian-American community with strong prejudices against black people (which I'd find more believable if the story took place maybe 20 years ago, but would have a bit more trouble beliving in an era where people are talking about their "followers" like the are in the synopsis... from like 2012 onward, probably), or that you as the author aren't hugely familiar with modern American race relations.

It definitely contributes to a feeling that this story took place almost a hundred years ago, rather than in the modern day. Even if it's simply true that one of Gunner's parents is an African national, I'm not sure why that would make people stare and gossip, and it's really strange that he'd refer to himself simply as "African" and not mention the actual country where his parent came from.

Also, the fact that there's no use or mention of modern communications tech in the opening chapters contributes to feeling like a historical setting rather than the modern day, except for the Glock (which could still make it feel like it took place in the 80s to someone who doesn't know when the '23 came out in 2010) until Vanessa shows up and her Facebook page becomes a plot point.

Overall, I didn't get a strong sense of time and place from the opening chapters, and I felt like Gunner's ego clashing with everyone around him got really old really quick.

But then, I'm not a romance or erotica reader, so my tastes are different from your audience. If your readers enjoy what you're writing, then you're doing it right.

ThePotatoKing I have a soft spot for synopses that use quotations from the story, so I liked yours. Your mechanics in the synopsis are pretty bad, though.

1. Never use all caps for emphasis in dialogue or narration, though I think it's fine to use it in sound effect lines (though this isn't exactly standard formatting).

2. Always use punctuation at the end of sentences.

3. Make sure to use only one tense in a given section. This:

Do you ever feel that you were meant for something much greater?

Should be:

Do you ever feel that you are meant for something much greater?

4. Always use double quotes, unless you're already inside double quotes. Then you shift back and forth with single and double quotes as you nest them, like this:

"Today," he said, "We will examine the speech by the evil man known as 'Slim Tim,' particularly his first words: 'There once was a king called "Marcus 'Cool Philosophy man' Jellius"...' which were then followed by these even more evil words..."

5. Never use comma splices. This:

"Welcome to Hell, the only escape is insanity"

Should be this:

"Welcome to Hell: the only escape is insanity!"

Or this:

"Welcome to Hell—the only escape is insanity!"

Here's an edited version of your synopsis:

"You are fucking crazy!"

*BANG!*

The bullet pierced through the man's skull, splattering blood over Sebastian's face. He calmly cleaned his face with a handkerchief, then replied to the corpse, "Maybe... Maybe I am crazy. But I don't know any other way to escape this hell."

He laughed some, he cried some, and he did a bit of both.

If despair was a face, he was wearing it now.
***
Have you ever felt that you were meant for something greater?

Has the real world held you back, constraining your true talents? If you just had the opportunity, could you achieve your true potential?

You're not alone!

Listen: this Earth just doesn't cut it. What you need is a brand new world, one full of new hopes and grand possibilities.

Then allow me to introduce you to the wonderful world of Purgatory!

In this world, "sinners" are invited to take part in regular trials. Every single trial is an uphill battle for survival with death and deception lurking around every corner!

But don't worry!

Only the weak, pathetic masses need to fear all of that. For the chosen few, these trials are instead opportunities for power and supremacy.

Come to Purgatory, sinner! Defeat monsters, devils, and remnants of eldritch entities as you gain glorious rewards and claim their power for your own!

And, even more exciting, fight in battles of wits against other sinners! Wring every drop of potential out of your wretched, wonderful soul, because each encounter is an exciting tango between life and death where the winner takes all!

This is the story of one such sinner. Armed with nothing but the ghosts of his past, watch as Sebastian Alaister crawls his way up to the top and forges his own legend.

Yet... before he can enter Purgatory, Sebastian must first clear the tutorial.

[Your fatal flaw is Extreme Denial]
[Trial Selected—Trauma Re-enactment]

Welcome to Hell. The only escape is insanity!

I recommend removing the author's note and probably the prologue. Every chapter added before Chapter 1 makes it less likely that readers will actually read Chapter 1 because you're using up their "first impression" mental space on non-story content. Good work making it skippable though, lol. Most writers don't understand that they can't put anything important in the prologue because so many readers skip them.

I don't like your opening in "Happy Birthday ... to me!" Your various descriptions of Alaister in the opening two paragraphs seem contradictory and nonsensical to me. Even besides that, you're just giving me a list of traits and not showing me anything interesting in description or character action.

A lot of your phrases just make no sense to me:

For some reason, the small studio apartment was really crowded this time.

What do you mean "for some reason?" He invited a bunch of family and friends over to his birthday party. That's the reason. "For some reason" means "for an unknown or peculiar reason."

Sebastian really doted on his little sister, even though it wasn't at the level of being a sis-con, it was still quite a bit.

The fact that the narrator's PoV assumes that someone who is affectionate toward his sister might logically want to bang her makes me not want to read any further.

His friends from high school were all laughing merrily, the sounds of laughter drowned his ears, and the smiles on their faces were etched into his sight. It should have been the happiest day of the year.
.
.
.
Nonetheless, he was not happy.

There's no reason to ever use a set of line breaks like this. If you were to denote a new scene, then you should do so with three asterisks, like this:

But when he shot the cat, to his surprise, it turned into a palm tree.
***
Three days later, he was lying in the hospital, recovering from a concussion caused by being savagely beaten with ripe coconuts.

However, you're not doing a scene transition here. The best way to achieve the long, dramatic pause is simply to have a single set of ellipses and use more line breaks, similar to what you do a few lines later.

His friends from high school were all laughing merrily, the sounds of laughter drowned his ears, and the smiles on their faces were etched into his sight. It should have been the happiest day of the year.

Should have been.

But Sebastian was the furthest thing from happy.

Later on, your section with several sets of multiple line breaks that goes into Sebastian's true mental state should be similar to this:

This time he wasn't greeted with the sound of laughter, nor the sight of countless vibrant smiles. None of those people were really cheering, really smiling.

How could they?

After all, most of them...

...Were dead.

In truth, there was no one here with him.

He was all alone in this little room, this studio apartment.

No people. Only trash and laundry.

No laughter, only silence.

The smell around him was not the hot, mingled cloud of countless colognes, but those of moldy laundry and unwashed dishes.

Sebastian was alone.

That said... I really liked the chapter once you started getting into Sebastian's true mental state. be careful about consistency in when you refer to him as "Sebastian" vs "Seb," though. I'm getting the picture that his idealized or self-confident state has the narrator refer to him as "Sebastian," while when he's actively in a miserable or mentally broken state, he's called "Seb," but I have no idea if you just got tired of writing his full name out, lol.

I see your author note in Chapter 2 that you're putting thoughts in single quotes, but I'd strongly recommend putting them between asterisks instead. That's a much more standard way of doing it when you don't have access to italics for thought formatting.

Then there's this bit:

"Are you done?"
"…"
"…"
"… yes, I am done…"

Please, please, please don't format a pause in speech like this. It's just deeply wrong and hurts the reader's ability to figure out who's talking. It should be something like this:

"Are you done?" Seb asked in a flat voice.

Josh met his gaze for a long moment before rolling his eyes. "Yep. I'm done." What a waste of good feelings! For a moment, he'd forgotten how much of a humorless, narcissistic douchebag Seb could be.

That's assuming it was supposed to be Josh thinking that last bit. Your narration is completely unclear on that, lol.

I don't have any time to look at your second story, sorry. I strongly recommend editing all your chapters with the free version of ProWritingAid. It will catch many of your writing issues.

Good luck and keep writing, both you and Mallory_reads !

I'm looking to take on more editing clients in the near future, if anyone is at the point in publishing their stories where they think investing some money in good editing would help their readership.

To be clear, I'm a freelance book editor, not one of Webnovel's "editors" who helps you manage your contract with the site.

If you're interested, you can message me at frothingnome#7517 on Discord. Just be aware that, depending on what you need, the service isn't cheap.

Also feel free to message me with small-scale editing questions and I'd be happy to help out if I have time!

EldritchBlade

Thanks a lot!
This has given me a lot of food for thought in cleaning up my writing style.

This has been really helpful!
I will keep you in mind if I ever am in need for some editing in the future,
Thanks once again!