RaptorAtLaw Thank you for your input, I was wondering if you read the first 5 story chapters or not? (Volume 0 is extra chapters, not story chapters) the reason is due to the fact that in later chapters I do break up the paragraphs a lot more, also it is a plot feature, the size of the paragraphs, such is explained in Volume 0 and will be explained in Chapter 11. Then as far as tenses go, I don't notice when I'm doing such, which is why I'm in dire need of an editor. Then as far as the Dialog is concerned, I will not be changing that before the major writing change that happens in chapter 4, however, if you have an idea as to how to improve from there on, I am open to it.;,;.
once again, thank you for your input, as I hope you can see, it read and consider all input very carefully.;,;.