AuHNG Okay I have already written your review under your book. I really liked it. But the start was confusing. You should delete anything before that Act 1 since it has ruined my first impression. Also, the chapter name is a little weird. The last thing is that the story is really slow-paced maybe consider making it a little faster.

Here is my book. With your quality of writing, I would love it if you could help me by pointing out something I should improve on.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/harry-potter-the-forbidden-blessing_25337395705631805

      Para23 I have read your novel and I have left my review, here is my novel for you to read and give your opinion.

          LukasNPC

          Can you explain what you mean by that? Like are you talking about the prologue, because some people said they liked the prologue, or are you talking about the opener?

              Para23

              edit: gonna preface all my comments with this, I probably sound unnecessarily mean, but I'm only focusing on critique, so it may sound negative...

              actually I canā€™t give u a review yet. Two chapters is way tooo little, and I can see a potential set up for something, but nothing engaging has happened so far other than a mystery, and setting up the family. Also some parts are drawn out a bit too much. Thereā€™s a couple grammar mistakes in there/typos so if you have the time, I suggest you look over them: wasnā€™t able to comment them out for ya cause Iā€™m on phone. Your writing is decent, but and no offense, this is something that reads like a thirteen/twelve episode anime. Like one where the main character sees something strange, they discover they have powers, family has a secret, they get involved with a secret world that is hidden to normies. Iā€™m not saying that is bad thing, but I would suggest looking at some of the mainstream anime, to see what works well for your genre -> make the story seem like it would get picked up for multiple seasons.

                  I also struggle with some of the same issues, Iā€™m telling you: too much slow paced stuff.

                  Tbh, I wrote a lot of these chapters like 4/5 years ago, which is why Iā€™m still editing them and going back atm. You do seem like one of the better writers here, so keep it up. @Para23

                    LukasNPC

                    Donā€™t really like fan fiction, however, from what I can see so far, you have some awkward/incorrect tense usage. Itā€™s basically when a paragraph sounds like this: ā€œI think I am running. I ranā€¦ I am going to stop him, but I knew it is difficult.ā€

                    It should be.. ā€œI think I was running. I ranā€¦ I am going to stop him, but I know it will be difficult.ā€

                    Where the primary verbs of each sentence have different/incorrect tenses, which makes the paragraph read awkwardly. I dunno how to explain it, other than that.

                        LukasNPC second thing is, your story starts off with character description, but itā€™s awkward. Look at how Jk Rowling introduces the dursleys and then look at your description of your MC. What you want to do is not to describe only the physical characteristics, but also do it in a way that is relevant at that point in the story.

                            LukasNPC

                            Also, The Dursleyā€™s are introduced well because they are the antagonists so you can easily have someone to hate. The MC here says that he will get revenge, but we barely know who those people are, really, so we have no reason to care atp,

                                LukasNPC Iā€™ll also avoid writing things like 50cm/20inches, and instead, just say stuff like, it was about the length of a ruler and a half. Something general instead of trying to get both measuring systems here, or say it was about the length of a medium sized cat.

                                Oh, and 50 cm is 20 inches, not 30.

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