Incursio_07

  • Dec 14, 2022
  • Joined Sep 7, 2020
  • alternatetext
    Title: Planar Purification
    Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/planar-purification_21867914806310405
    Synopsis:
    The Divine Forces of Nature have abandoned the world of Kovia. The era known as the Long Silence is entering its 8th Century. Wars are rife. The chosen of the forces of nature and magic are occupied fighting each other, and amongst themselves.

    Lithian is an orphaned child that awakens to the Stellar Light, but his Blessing does not manifest.
    Learning that his Blessing belongs to a different Force of Nature, he realizes he is a rare dual-force Chosen.
    As he stumbles through hardships, he begins to realize what his Blessing is... Unique.

    All the while, a sinister threat has been slumbering in the far-east. And it will soon awaken...

    • The_Great_Tuna
      The title God of War and King of Humanity should swap places. The descriptions work better that way.

      • dreamver2
        I would be inclined to agree with you about the question, but you have to take into account the sheer amount of Isekai stories out there. Him dying and waking up in another world is NOT a hook for an isekai story. There are tags to tell the reader your story has that element to it.
        Hence why I advised a shorter, more concise sentence to replace it.
        Then again, this is just my personal opinion.

        • Official_jenjen
          First of all, too many single-line paragraphs. Join some of those suckers in holy matrimony.
          No comma after the name and a comma between "all day" and "reading" in the 1st paragraph.
          Change the 2nd paragraph to "The circumstances of his life caused him to become a waste".
          The 3rd paragraph needs to be changed. Maybe something like, "He lost his life and woke up in another world"
          And then the next one becomes, "There seems to be something peculiar...."
          The line "and the impending ... and constellations" is misplaced. Exchange the position of this line and the next paragraph. End the line at "artifacts" and add the "It's the fact...." after it.
          The apocalypse line could be changed to "He knew that the impending apocalypse was nothing more than a game ...."
          "Going against the path he was fated to" shouldn't be on its own line. Wed this bastard to the previous line.
          Keep the last line as it is. Or maybe add "..." (Ellipsis).

          • Generallty it's 1.5k to 2k.
            Other than that it's about the type of story you are writing and personal preference.

            • Selene97
              Much. I kind of feel the questions at the start can be compacted a little bit, but not sure how exactly.

              • Selene97
                I feel similarly about prologues. Most of the time, they are unnecessary and could have been removed from the story without any effect.
                If you've read GRR Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire; the prologue (or interlude) would be similar to its prologue. (The first book starts with a prologue.)

                • Selene97
                  Better I think. I would say remove the line "From here on ... path to power". It adds nothing new because all of it is expressed through the rest of the text.
                  Other than that, it would be even better if it was shorter, but this is pretty good.

                  • Guiltythree
                    You don't have to remove it if you don't want to.
                    Just make it clear that these are your thoughts, like I said in my previous reply.

                    • dreamver2
                      Much better than the first.
                      Wait wait wait. The two KINGS have a daughter? Adopted? Also, how tf did I not notice this before?

                      • Dark_Scholars
                        The world of Kovia has been abandoned. The era of The Long Silence continues, and wars are rife. The chosen of the forces of nature and magic are occupied fighting each other, and amongst themselves.

                        Lithian is an orphaned child, advised by a mysterious voice during his Rite that his past is not past. With the shadow of his past always looming over his shoulder, Lithian is embroiled in the never-ending wars of the nations of the world.

                        All the while, a sinister threat has been slumbering in the far-east. And it will soon awaken...


                        This what you meant?

                        • Dark_Scholars
                          I get the first suggestion, but removing the rest kind of makes it a bit meaningless, no?
                          I mean, I know the question of what it is, works as a hook but still.

                          • Incursio_07
                            Nevermind. Think I had a stroke or something. lol
                            Already have it in my library.

                            • Vam_V
                              I was planning to instead include a scene similar to a prologue but in-between the volumes. An interlude, if you will. But now I'm thinking maybe I should add both.
                              I was asking for opinions on it because a prologue is usually not from the MC's POV. Some readers would rather find out about the important events while reading the story, not beforehand.
                              Basically, any and all thoughts are appreciated.

                              • Guiltythree
                                I already mentioned how much I liked this synopsis in the other thread. For you, I'd give the advice of format and indentation.
                                The last line of the first paragraph should be its own paragraph.
                                Separate the two existing paragraphs with "***" to show that the first is the synopsis and the second includes your thoughts.

                              • dreamver2
                                Too long, definitely. Too many characters being introduced in the synopsis is generally a bad idea. Try to stick to the main character(s) and the villain (depends on the story).
                                I'd say you're being a bit too detailed with the explanation. Too many hooks will just make the reader feel overwhelmed, which is what I personally feel from this. Too many things are happening one after the other. Now I will elaborate a little on these points:
                                Too Detailed
                                Do we need to know she's kind and bubbly in the synopsis? I don't think so.
                                Ask yourself if everything in this synopsis is something that the reader would want to know before reading. Don't feel like you have to include the entire premise of the book.
                                Too Many Events
                                You start with her being excited about working for the Moon Castle, then she encounters a fairy, gets caught in the crossfire of a fight and saved by said fairy, gets the task of uniting the two sides, falls in love with the princess, gets into a whole new mess of problems that include an ancient curse.
                                On the other hand, Leo is trying to save them, unraveling secrets and falling in love at the same time.
                                And who the heck is Sinclair?

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