L0rdGr1m_
- Oct 16, 2021
- Joined Sep 1, 2020
no matter how many times I press enter in inkstone to have more space between paragraphs, the chapter on the site doesn't keep the changes?
Professor_slaroM I'm down :)
Akira_Monadelle i gave you :)
Akira_Monadelle okay, I will give power stone tomorrow when I have them :)
skyerivers done :)
Heather_Green672 Done :)
Not sick anymore!!! I'm now able to do more review swaps if anyone is interested: https://www.webnovel.com/book/solo-player-rebirth!_21071481705119105
If I have forgotten someone to review while I have been sick, please say so and I will do it immediately.
MayDreamer sure
- In My stories
Hi, Dessy_Success
I took my time to read your stories, which in and of itself was pure torture (sorry to say).
Grammar: Bad
Sentence Structure: Bad
World-Building: Bad
Characters: BadI'm not just going to point out what's wrong, I really wanted to find something good, but... So let's find out what you can improve! (I'm not a professional writer, it's just a hobby btw).
The story progressing is way too fast. You shouldn't skip world-building and character design.
Example: Taking from your story 'My girlfriend is a vampire' chapter 1.At school
Teacher: Attention, attention, pls this is Raymond, a new student.
They all shouted "Hi Raymond, nice meeting you. Raymond went to sit at the back, there was no one there. Then a guy walked up to him and said" Hey new comer, you wanna sit beside the devil, she's gonna eat you up tonight "
Raymond: "What do you mean"I haven't tampered with anything and straight-up copied the text.
The first thing which is a noticeable mistake is when someone speaks, you use the name of the person and a colon. Don't do that!
The second thing. Lack of proofreading... There are so many typos and typesetting mistakes that half could be enough. Fix that!
And third. Spend more time explaining what people look like, what kind of classroom are they in. What does the mc think and feel? These are the things readers want to know!Enough of that. I tried to polish your text a bit:
"Did I get here in time!" Raymond panted, standing outside the door to his new classroom. He stood, crawled over his knees, trying to get air as he heard the sound of a door opening.
"Good morning, you must be Raymond," a blonde-haired busty woman with a short black skirt said, looking at the bend over Raymond. 'Oh no! am I late on my first day!' Raymond got cold sweat as he stood up to greet his new teacher.
"Ah, yes! That's me!" He answered the teacher promptly, looking her in the eyes.
"Good, let's go and say hello to your new classmates." She quickly pushed Raymond into the classroom filled with other students, wasting no time.
"Listen up everyone!" The teacher said with a dominant voice, making everyone in the classroom pay attention to her. And the students who were noisy before immediately fell silent.
"This is your new classmate Raymond and he will be with us from now on." She continued to introduce Raymond to the rest of the class.
"You can sit down there," she pointed at an empty chair in the back of the classroom.Okay, I think you got the idea now. I don't have more time but I hope you find something useful with this comment :)
Ice_Princesss done :=)
beloved_writer done :)
beloved_writer I'm interested