The Black Tech Internet Cafe(?) System is a good one if you ask me. That novel mostly showcases the main character, Fang Qi, and his customers having fun while playing games. And oh, did I forget to mention that they kick ass, take names, and chew bubblegum while they're at it?
PassingWriter
- Mar 25, 2020
- Joined Sep 29, 2019
I'll leave mine here and I'll give blunt reviews to your story, I'll be honest in reviewing in stories and give some advices that I can so that you guys may also improve.
SrtaA "William, an experienced and seasoned Adventurer with decades of experience under his belt, He was a Captain of a Militia back in his hometown before signing up to be an adventurer due to salary being not enough." IS what I had in mind, but yeah I think William being calm under a stressful situation is perfectly normal.
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StenDuring Thanks for the correction and helpful tip! I'm planning on remaking the scene scene tomorrow anyways since it didn't sit right with what I had in mind. Though Rogers isn't the MC per se...
BeriAH Thanks for the suggestion! Though it may take a while for my brain to process this as it is currently late in the evening.
I'll post this scene here and let me know what you guys think. Also, suggestions, tips and criticism is much appreciated.
"Yes, a noble that was travelling into town yesterday heard loud thunder-like noises as they were passing by in this forest," William briefly paused, before resuming. "Concerned about the potential of a monster horde or a new monster that had taken residence, they had decided to put a quest on the guild for adventurers to investigate."
"I see." Replied the man behind him as the cold feeling of metal finally eased on the back of his head. William let out a silent sigh of relief, However, he was still worried about his companions because of the strange metal thing still pointing at them.
"Alright boys, put your weapons down. Rimmers, get our CO over here," The man ordered the other men as they finally removed their guns. "Oh and also, I'm sorry for the aggression back there, we just didn't expect any people in this damn forest."
"I hope we can move this past us. I'm Sergeant Rogers by the way." Rogers put his hand out as William turned around to finally get a good look of him. The man wore strange green patterned clothing that helped him blend into the environment.
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Aysel_Inara I see, so just essentially imagine yourself there talking to your characters.
PenelopetheSpider This is super helpful, thank you!
Hello everyone, I'm a fairly new writer on this website and I am currently working on publishing my first story. I was wondering on how to improve dialogue between characters? Such as how to properly convey their emotions, actions while talking, expressions, exposition about something, and just overall how to make the dialogue more natural.
That's all and I'll wait for your generous replies!
Well, how do the people even justify all the violence they do? I'd bet it's some kind of "Might is Right" bullshit but seriously? How long do they think society would survive if some person decided "Hey, this is wrong. I need to change this." and go full on train like a hundred years then proceed to bulldoze everything.