On the :fork_and_knife: chopping block today :fork_and_knife:

:persevere: Victim: @enthu_reader aka enthu_reader
:cow2: Meat on review: Because I Simply Love You

:bookmark: Because I Simply Love You :bookmark:
Today… Today I’m going to give my opinions on this book. After reading 25 chapters, please delete the first 9 chapters. Nothing happens. I’m serious. On a good day, you could convince me to keep chapter one, and maybe pieces of what happens in the mall. Just all the instances her bumping into the then nameless Liu Huian. Those are all that’s important. That’s still around eight useless chapters. The story doesn’t actually start until then. Everything else is useless filler that tried my patience.

Ok, onto our main character. Hm? Another Nana… She’s a nice girl who can cook well. The seven heavenly virtues in one mortal body. That’s it. Has a dark mysterious past. But none of that really matters because she’s literally a different person. I’m not joking. Like its apparently such a secret that it's being set up as a point of blackmail. But these adults who went through high school just find it crazy for a person to change over time. It’s just… impossible. Pff, ok.

She has twin brothers, Yukito and Yukira, who are rascals, and their cousin Serena. She’s a fashionista. That’s about it. Most of the side characters only work as vehicles of information wrapped in a trope. It gets kind of boring to read, because I’ve already made assumptions about who these characters are. When you write these kinds of shoujo-y stories you have to try less to rely on tropes, and write actual characters. Felt like I was watching some sort of puppet theater. But with no visual aids.

Shes lives… god knows where. Ok, I’m just gonna list out shit. You tell me where they live.

Nana, lives with her twin brothers, Yukito and Yukira. Their aunt, who is the same age as Nana, is named Serena. Their neighbors are Mr. and Mrs. Fei. Nana owns her own restaurant, called ‘Natsukashi.’ Dong Meiling, is one of her employees. There are also names like ‘Cao Mingyu,’ ‘Chen Jianyu,’ ‘Bai Fan,’ ‘He Xiaoli.’ So… where are we right now? Los Angeles? Well, no, you say they’re speaking mandarin. So, are we in China right now? Why is Nana’s family living in China, why do the twins use Japanese? You’ve got three Japanese names in a sea of Chinese ones. Their aunt has an English name, why? Why, not just make everyone Chinese? The names you use just get confusing.

Remember, when writing, the words you use have meaning. If we are introduced to a family with Japanese names, and see the phrase “Nee-chan,” I, like many people, take that to mean that the place is Japan. And then we get Serena. The whole time I’m just wondering if she’s half-Japanese. Is she blonde or something? She probably chews bubblegum and wears big sunglasses.

You also do that thing you’re not supposed to do with Chinese names. You have to present the entire name, or the family name and a title. You can say Madame Chen, but you cannot shorten Chen Jianyu to just ‘Jianyu’. Its super confusing. You do it for like… an entire chapter, and to multiple characters.

I can’t really say anything about the plot itself because, 25 chapters in, nothing has happened. I know you posted somewhere that this was going to be 200+ chapters. Its supposed to be slow but like, as the story picked up, I couldn’t help but think those beginning chapters added nothing. If you want to do a slow burn, you have to go full force. Right now, the book feels like it’s stuck. Not quite a daily journal but, also not a slice of life. It’s slow, like following a kid grow into an adult. If slice of life was what you were going for, the first ten chapters could’ve been like a season, three or four months of following Nana’s life. Instead we have a story that’s slow just to be slow, on purpose, that speeds way the hell up once Madam Chen is introduced.

Once that happens, we’re introduced to like… four or five seemingly important characters. As in, they’re important to Nana, so they’re important to us. Some of them don’t even have names! That’s an insane speed up. It leaves me a bit confused as to how fast you want this story to go. I feel like it’s just going to be misunderstanding the puppet show. Areas of speed up, and then immense slowdowns. I’m not sure if that’s what you want though. It’s a tedious read to me.

During the slowdowns, the plot loses focus. I think that’s the biggest issue. We meander through Nana’s life, which is pretty boring honestly. Everything always works out. She never gets angry, never has to worry about money. Her rascal brothers are actually really good boys, like the Weasley twins. Her food is good. Her rude customers are dealt with by someone else. She’s literally a Disney Princess without the curse. How is this chick single? It’s probably something to do with her dank and mysterious past...

In summary, write real characters. Tweak the first ten chapters to be useful to the story, or get rid of all but the useless bits. Remove those distracting comments you put into the story. They’re jarring to read. I almost stopped at chapter 20 because I saw the third one.
I also cannot recall any characters. Like… it still feels like I’m reading some sort of manga. Something I’ve read before but developed way faster and in a more interesting way.

That’s all I got for now. Hopefully this helps in some way.