The same story, but depicted in two completely different ways. The first one focuses more on the overall plot while the second on the very beginning. Which one is better and why? Or maybe they both need corrections?

Title: The Plasma Archmage

Synopsis:

Good news, I was lucky enough to avoid the eternal oblivion due to the help of a 'merciful' god.

Bad news, reincarnating into a dark fantasy world was a big letdown. It turned out that my soul wasn't compatible with that world's incorporeal realm, which didn't seem that bad until I realized the true meaning behind those words. I could forget about wielding magic or even becoming a mighty warrior - almost every strengthening technique used by the denizens of that world was denied to me.

Surprisingly, there were also some positives to this situation. For example, I would never forget the shocked face of that mage who tried to kill me by making my mana reserves explode. Sucker never expected me to be completely immune to his spell... since I had no mana reserves at all... damn it, I was the only silver elf in the entire world who couldn't use even the simplest magic.

However, if some other god offered me a chance to re-roll my reincarnation, I would turn him down immediately. Three reasons:

One, I obtained something incredibly precious in this new world - a soul bonded, adorable twin sister.

Two, neither of us could be truly killed as long as the other stayed alive, which really helped with our dream of building own kingdom.

Three, I had a secondary life in a post-apocalyptic world.

Now I only had to figure out how to: smuggle advanced technology to the fantasy world; deal with hordes of zombies; avoid spreading various diseases between the two worlds; convince the red-eyed gun-wielding little monstrosity to stop hunting me; resolve racial tensions between different races, or at least make them stop killing each other on sight; create a safe environment where I could spend more time with my twin sister; ignore the irritating fact that not many people took me seriously due to my lack of personal strength; uphold the deal I made with the 'merciful' god; become a prestigious mage without casting any spells; and...

... maybe I would accept the offer to re-roll after all.

Title: The Nightmarish Connection

Synopsis:

This story contains kingdom building elements, smuggling technology from a modern soul cultivation realm into a medieval fantasy world, and desperate attempts to create an aphrodisiac for elves.

The unbreakable bond between us was forged in the afterlife, while we were submerged in the river of souls.

I discovered a soul from a fantasy world that became my adorable twin sister - even though in her previous life she was racist, selfish and sadistic silver elf with serious trust issues, surrounding herself with a horde of obedient slaves.

She discovered a soul from a modern world that became her caring twin brother - even though in my previous life I was weak, lazy, and procrastinating human being with serious trust issues, walking a self-imposed path of solitude.

We hit it off right away... well almost. First, I had to explain one little misunderstanding connected with figurines and enslaved fairies. The looming vision of falling into the oblivion's embrace made our various flaws seem cute and easily acceptable.

The side effect of us working together to obtain a second chance at living turned out to be terrifying... and very lucrative.

My new life top three goals were:

  • Together with my twin sister, rebuild the kingdom of silver elves.

  • Find something suitable to appease my collector's instinct.

  • Survive the horrors of soul exploration, get myself a nice gun while at it.

There was also one more thing I quickly learned and had to remember at all cost:

  • Never again attempt to pat the head of a gun-wielding red-eyed little monstrosity.

https://www.webnovel.com/book/11571618606426105/The-Plasma-Archmage

    If this was me, I'd go with neither of them because (just my personal opinion) they are way too long. I'd think the first one is a bit better, though, because it seems to capture the novel's tone better (I haven't read it, so that's just an assumption).
    I'd probably mix both of them up and try to cut out every unnecessary detail until I only had around half of one of these. For example, I would shorten the third paragraph (first synopsis) to something like "Surprisingly, there were also some positives to this situation. For example, I couldn't be killed" and then maybe add some explanation like "thanks to my new adorable twin sister." That would enable me to cut two other sentences.

    IMO, a synopsis should tell the reader only the gist of a story and what makes that story special. You don't need to know why that something happened in detail. That is something the reader can find out on his own through reading the novel.

      yansusustories I took your advice to heart and produced this upgraded version, what do you think about it?

      Reincarnation turned out to be a big letdown. Not only it involved losing half of his memories, it also had another huge price attached, and he had to pay extra for the newly obtained cheeky twin sister. The ‘merciful god’ who fished him out from the river of souls, wasn’t merciful enough to provide a supply of new bodies free of charge.

      Not to mention that his nameless soul wasn't fully compatible with the fantasy world. Which meant that he could forget about his dream of using magic or becoming a mighty warrior - almost every strengthening technique used by the denizens of that world was denied to him.

      But not all hope was lost. Working directly for a god came with a unique set of privileges and advantages, especially when it revolved around smuggling technology from a post apocalyptic world, and building a new kingdom.

          Xelioatre Now I'd say ... Where did you post the link again? :D
          No, honestly, I feel like it's really good like this! It feels like it captures the tone of the novel very well, shows a bit about the story but leaves enough unsaid that the reader might like to find out. I'd definitely take that version!

            I liked the first one more. Hit my humor well. But I would shorten this part somehow :

            Now I only had to figure out how to: smuggle advanced technology to the fantasy world; deal with hordes of zombies; avoid spreading various diseases between the two worlds; convince the red-eyed gun-wielding little monstrosity to stop hunting me; resolve racial tensions between different races, or at least make them stop killing each other on sight; create a safe environment where I could spend more time with my twin sister; ignore the irritating fact that not many people took me seriously due to my lack of personal strength; uphold the deal I made with the 'merciful' god; become a prestigious mage without casting any spells; and...

            ... maybe I would accept the offer to re-roll after all.

            Maaybe like this?:

            Now I only had to figure out how to: smuggle advanced technology to the fantasy world; deal with hordes of zombies; convince the red-eyed gun-wielding little monstrosity to stop hunting me; resolve racial tensions between different races; uphold the deal I made with the 'merciful' god; become a prestigious mage without casting any spells; and...

            ... maybe I would accept the offer to re-roll after all.

              FleetingClouds

              You nearly caused me to reject the effort of a few hours of intense thinking! But, also gave me a flash of inspiration. Who said I can have only one synopsis? I've made a short and long version and included them both.

              Now I only need a better tittle than 'The Plasma Archmage'... this one's seems a bit too generic?

                  It is, but a lot are. So it's normal I guess. It might catch/grab the attention at least because ... well .... Plasma Archmage does sound cool from my point of View XD

                    Xelioatre
                    why stuck with plasma? I understand about arcmage stuff because he lives in magic world but plasma? Technology (based on earth) is more like energy convertion. How to change one form energy to other form energy with equivalent quantity. Plasma is more like manipulation in particle physics laws (quantum physics)

                    Thats my comment about the title

                        Face_Smacking_Dao

                        Since he can't use magic yet still aspires to be a mage, I was thinking of substituting spells with futuristic technology from the other world he has access to. That's where the 'plasma' part comes into play, in the eyes of a medieval fantasy dweller, shooting a laser/plasma gun is no different from magic. And after combining both we've got title 'The Plasma Archmage'.

                        My problem is that there are many different elements I'm going to include into the story and I don't want to give the fake illusion from the title that this one is the most important one.

                        Well I will figure it out as I write more chapters, but there's still a chance that someone will give me an incredible flash of inspiration that will save me long hours of pondering over this topic.

                            Xelioatre
                            there are many possible title. Is that must be archmage? Or there are any more cultivation system after archmage? Genesis archmage? Origin creator? Or something like i got transmigated in ancient magic world? So many type of title. Hope this coild help you

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