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Please give some insights and review of my novel. Will really greatly help me in my improvement :).
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11895012805599905
THANK YOU!

ILikeFurries good luck on your novel.

Ierrech Thank You very much for the feedback :)
Will remember that for sure.

Bibliophile_Anna Thank you!

ILikeFurries if I'm free later I'll do a sample clean up that you can see - and choose what you like to keep

wishing some to review mine too. https://www.webnovel.com/profile/4301926050

alphonsus_corpus link is not to a novel

ILikeFurries

I edit where I can, and put comments in "< >" brackets where I don't know what your original intention was, and thus don't know how to change it.

Disclaimer: I'm just doing this for fun I guess? Feel free to critique how bad my novel is...
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11594239806435805/No-System%3F-No-Magic%3F-No-problem!-But-it's-hard-to-get-a-date-when-you're-stronger-than-titans!-(Rebellion-Against-Fate)

It was considered lucky to wake up in the morning and blessed to not meet death while asleep. Feeling lucky, Connor Schneider hit the snooze button of the alarm clock while still very sleepy, rubbing his eyes languidly.

It was just like any other day for Connor. The blue skies, evergreen and vibrant trees, smiling sunrise and the fresh breeze from the ever-expanding countryside seemingly greeting him in place <sentence is strange - countryside's don't expand, despite being an Expanse. Greeting him in place? Maybe a phrase I don't know>. Surprisingly, Connor Schneider was living in a rural place even in this year and age, 2096, where overpopulation was a worldwide crisis, but not to the extent that large countries like Yvent, previously Russia, is exhibiting the latter <sentence is too long, the reader cannot trace what "the latter" is anymore>. But still, for the last few decades, this has been a persisting dilemma <a dilemma is a difficult choice between 2 things. in this case, without presenting the other option, there is only a single problem - not a dilemma> and the World Government was in the midst of supplementing amendments to battle these.

Connor Schneider's family was previously located in the middle of the economic hierarchy, in short, neither poor nor rich; but shortly after his father, Nicholas Schneider, died of rather confidential <confidential means someone knows the answer, and is known to have the answer, but is not willing to share it. Is that what you mean? otherwise maybe covert? unknown?> and suspicious causes, they skyrocketed <skyrocket is upwards, do you mean plunged?> towards embracing poverty as his father was their only stable <is there another source of unstable income? if not, then it should just be "source of income" - if you write stable here, it means that there is another unstable source of income> source of income.

As Connor was still a student, he was preparing for school. Nonetheless, he was also simultaneously thinking about how to gain money and change their dire situation. This was also one of his duties towards his family since his father died not too long ago; to be the one standing in his place.

He lives with his cute and rather adorable sister - with not too large a gap in age - Grace Morgan Schneider; and with his worrywart but tender mother, Lauren Schneider.

"Everything is ready. I'm good to go!" Connor double checked to ensure nothing was missing. It may not seem too important to others, but to him lacking in school meant slacking off; something he could not afford in view of their circumstances.

"I'm off to school mom," said Connor while walking towards the door, ready to go. "Oh, always take care <always take care? i'm unfamiliar with the expression> and don't get yourself into trouble!" replied Lauren, a bit worried. "You too, mom," replied Connor jokingly.

Taking the Maglev train off to school, he hurried off <"off" used twice in close proximity - maybe just remove the first "off" used for the train?> to the sliding doors; trying to ensure he was not late, not wanting to be forced to take the next train. Being an honor student really meant a lot to Connor, as that could be a ticket for them to get out of oppression <who is oppressing them? or do you mean poverty?> and get admitted to a prestigious school; which would secure him a high-paying job - all for the sake of his family.

Unsurprisingly, he met a bunch of thugs. The thugs' faces were very familiar to begin with, much to the thought that <much to the thought? i'm not familiar with this phrase. do you mean, "as in the first place,..."> they were his classmates who bully him all the time.

<The past tense to present tense switch-up is very big through-out this chapter. Need to fix it or use it only with a clear purpose in mind e.g. when you are switching perspective, or talking about day to day things that happen>

Receiving contemptuous gazes from these hooligans is a normal occurrence for Connor. Be it on the way to school grounds, cafeteria, and unfortunately, also in the classroom where Connor felt it was only natural for these kinds of people to stick around and eventually paid them no mind, making them even more infuriated and cursing under their own breaths to make Connor Schneider's life miserable as possible. Just what did he do to deserve this kind of attention? <this whole paragraph... I don't understand it>

Stopped there...

Ierrech Thank You! may as well do a total makeover haha :)

ILikeFurries As lerrech said, the sentences are really strange, with poor word choices and awkward phrasing. You have some basic grasp on grammar, so stick to short sentences and simple vocabulary rather than stuff like

"Some of the school's population is of only high grades but of oppressed situations such as of being poor and only have the chance to be in this place because of their studious and hard-working predicaments."

This is needlessly verbose. All you're trying to say here is that some students are smart, but poor... so why not just say that? I suggest using Scribens to get rid of run-on sentences, needlessly long expressions, and overly formal language (as well as other mistakes you might run into).

The story itself seems quite typical, but it's hard to say much at the beginning. There are a few things I think you should clarify though:

1. Why can't the MC find a part-time job or something if he really needs money right now?
2. In fact, shouldn't there be a ton of things the MC could do, especially since he's smart and driven? Playing games is a really uncertain way of making money and a huge investment for him right now, so it's important to understand his thought process. One hour is an awfully short time to think about life-changing decisions like these.
3. You should contextualize the currency. I have no idea what 1 EXO credit gets you in this world, so throwing around values is meaningless.