Webnovel.Forum

For those interested, the link to his novel is here.

As a first time novel writer, you'll be bound to make mistakes. Lots of mistakes. No worries. Mistakes are learning opportunities. Just keep in mind these two awesome quotes:

You can never make the same mistake twice, for the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice.

and

Once is a mistake. Twice is a pattern. Three times? That's a habit.

I'll go through your novel like I've been doing: Cover/Title, Synopsis, Your review (if you have it), and then your first chapter. Those are what's going to give me the biggest first impression, so thats what I would focus on. It'll give me a feel for what to expect later on.

Your synopsis here:

In a world where once dragons ruled and humans were the weakest, all changed at the time of The Great War.

The Humans learnt cultivation, and in a world where the strong stands over the weak, now reign over everything and everyone is at the mercy of them.

in a small tribe, born of common blood, Lu Xiu, a 15 year old boy came across a cave by being chased deep Into the forest. little did he know that this encounter will change his entire destiny.

"I will take Protect my loved ones and will destroy those who oppose me."

Now with some notes:

• Verb consistency: Either keep it all past tense or present tense for your narratives. Your first line was past tense, and now this second line is mixed.

The Humans learnt [past tense] cultivation, and in a world where the strong stands [present tense] over the weak, now reign [present tense] over everything and everyone is [present tense] at the mercy of them.

• Capitalization, especially in this third paragraph of the synposis:

in In a small tribe, born of common blood, Lu Xiu, a 15 year old boy [this is an appositive—should be set off with a comma] came across a cave by being chased deep Into the forest. little did he know that this encounter will change his entire destiny.

And the last sentence is weird by itself. What do you mean when you say, "I will take Protect my loved ones..."? What's with the capitalization on the word "Protect"?

"I will take Protect my loved ones and will destroy those who oppose me."

No worries, those mistakes are nothing that a little proofreading won't fix. You are proofreading your works, right? I do understand that its a bit rougher since you know your work like the back of your hand, so it's a lot easier to just gloss over some things, but for details like punctuation and capitalization, I find it extremely helpful if I read the story backward. Give that try and see how that turns out.

Now, random capitalization is a big no-no. Here I've put in bold two words that should *not* be capitalized.

... in a Flourishing City named The Rising Sun city, Home to the most powerful clan ...

Capitalization occurs when it's either the first word of the sentence, or you're talking about a proper noun—a specific thing. Names are proper nouns. Titles, such as President Donald Trump is a proper noun. London, France is a proper noun too. It's a specific place. Here's a few resources for you to look at to learn more about capitalization.

Your story reads a lot like this in chapter 1:

• "Dialogue"
• "Counter dialogue"
• Description of something/background information about something
• A little bit of narrative.
• "Back to dialogue"

You're in need of a major overhaul/revision for this chapter if you want it to be better. Too much information being thrown out here for us, the reader.

I started trying to read chapter 2, but it's way too late now. 4:15 AM. The lack of capitalization in some sentences/speech sticks out like a sore thumb. The narrative scene seems to flow a bit better than the first chapter. A bit more "lets get the plot moving", and less of a "XXX was from the town of YYY, doing ZZZ work".

JavelinJoe

Just to let you know, Chapter 1 isn't actually that hard. Its the chapter that introduces your work to the readers. It's the first impression you'll get to make to others.

Contrary to what you said, you don't have to tell the readers the history. Weave your history into your story telling, with bits and pieces here and there. Your readers are smart people. They don't have to be spoon-fed information. Trust me. Okay, maybe don't trust me, but trust the good books you've read. Books. Find a good book, like The Name of the Wind (or even Harry Potter) and see chapter 1. Highlight through with one color all the "history" of that world that you can find in chapter 1. Let me know the results, for I haven't tried it yet, but I can surmise what you'll find.

Here's one of such resource. Those two guides should be more than sufficient, but in case it isn't, you can try this method.

Most importantly, stay away from giving away lots of details. Don't go explaining away your systems/magics in the first chapter. Give us action, not background information. Introduce to us subtly the necessary information on the fly. Don't say, "This story takes place in the world of Gaia". Instead, focus on a detail that would normally be found on Earth, and show why this isn't Earth but a different world, and weave it into your story: "As he looked at the clear night sky, the stars seemed brighter than usual, as if trying to show him that no matter the situation, they'll remain forever bright. With tears in his eyes, he promised to the western moon that he'll shed no more tears for her. With a fist full of blood on his right hand, he promised to the eastern moon that this would be the last time. The last time he would do something for her. Once the two moons join into one, that'll be when the gates open. His daughter will be on her own now. He'd be free. But not yet. Two more days."

Little details. More action. More insights in motivations. But don't reveal much. Just enough for everything to piece things together here and and there, but don't give away the whole picture. The first chapter is the start of the tease. You don't normally start a tease talking about history, do you? :P

Nou buddy after reading your comment I really get it what I should do. But the way you said some things are like... damn I'm doomed ... okay I really get your point of weaving the history into my story bit by bit as the moment arises but what should I do as I have already done it? Should I remove all the unnecessary history? Or should I add more action content into it? ... I'm such a noob

Nou buddy after reading your comment I really get it what I should do. But the way you said some things are like... damn I'm doomed ... okay I really get your point of weaving the history into my story bit by bit as the moment arises but what should I do as I have already done it? Should I remove all the unnecessary history? Or should I add more action content into it? ... I'm such a noob

JavelinJoe If you've already done it, feel free to rewrite it. Rewrite is good practice.

The self-editing process is always the hardest. Now there are many stages to an editing process, but for now lets focus on the content. You'll always feel that every part belongs because, well, every part DOES belong. The thing is, its your story, and that thing is your baby. You've followed the structures, the cycles, and the tested-and-true cliche plot lines. You have your baby, made from your own blood, sweat, and tears. It's cover art is the flesh, it's prologue is the baby's first words. It's meat and bones were woven by you yourself. How could you not be proud?

Something is wrong with your baby though. Your baby's ill. You've checked up on your baby—eyes, cheeks, and tongue seems fine. A few scrapes and cuts, here and there. But regardless of what you do, you can't fathom as to why there is no spark of life in your baby. Something seems missing. What to do? Unsure, you take your baby to the village doctor. The village quack, they call him.

Why was he the quack? Its probably because no one can understand him. Regardless, the magic he performs with his hands are amazing, as crazy as it may be. Hesitant and unsure of the rumors, you approach the village quack with your lifeless baby in your hand. He is, after all, the village quack and you're unsure how much you can trust him. That is, until he took one look at your baby and furrowed his brows. No, not the kind where you're concentrating so hard that your brows furrow together, nor is it the kind where there's the onset of an impending migraine. Rather, it's the eyes of someone whose face says, "What in tarnation is this that you bring to my doorstep?"

You see, what you really needed was the cold precision of a surgeon's hand. The hands of someone who isn't afraid to cut off a limb to save the body. Of course, if it could be fixed without cutting away a whole limb, you'd naturally prefer that. Who wouldn't? But seeing as you've come to the village quack, brace yourself.

So you fake a smile and reach over to shake his hands... but he instead grabs onto the baby out of your hands and slams it onto the table. You realize that you can't leave your baby here alone, so you sat down and started to question yourself, "Was it the best idea to bring your baby here? Would he even understand what he's seeing?" Your left foot begins tapping on the ground as you watch the village quack.

Taking out his blade of fountain pen, he starts making surgical incisions. The hands and feet that you were so proud of was sliced open, and you found it full of holes as it was dissected. The glue that held the meat to the bones? Collapsed easily under the pressure of the quack's constant barrage of questionings. All the hair you put onto the body were slashed all, all except a few at key vital locations. All the meat were skimmed off from places all over, from head to toe and no place was left untouched. Some parts were skimmed away, some were sewn back on to other locations, and others were completely amputated away. A few digits from the fingers were moved to the toe, fat from the butt cheeks to the chin. A new arm was pulled out of nowhere.

Okay, maybe that was a bit graphic. But point being, you need someone who is able to look at your work objectively and say, "This isn't necessary/why is this important" or "I don't understand the purpose of this action here".

One way of checking to see if you need to add in or delete info is to check to see if your sentences have a purpose: Now, there should be an action, and with every action, a reaction. If I recall correctly, they should be considered an action-reaction unit. Oh, I was wrong. It's motivation-reaction unit. Yeah, just google about it. There are plenty of articles about it. This second link is pretty good, talking about "Scenes" and "Sequels".

If you're finding that you have too many "motivation" units together, then you may want to delete some or add in some "reaction" units. Same with too many "reaction" units together.

Unnecessary info isn't needed, so feel free to remove them. If you feel, however, that they must be placed into the story, try doing so subtly. Like if the main character was of royalty or noble lines, then consistently hint about the MC's regal nature, how the MC always have his spine up straight, how MC has nice table manners, how MC can read (in other words, things that would set someone of "noble birth" apart from people like "slaves and merchants", etc). If it's during medieval time period, you can talk of how there's nobles and servants, house flags, kings and queens, knights and squires, etc. Just don't say, "Medieval time, 200 AD" or something (yeah, my dates are off).

I think I've strayed too far off the original point: freak out, rewrite everything, calm back down, remember that not everything has to change. Experiment with taking out information. Remember, we're trying to tease here. A tease with too much on isn't effective. A tease with everything off isn't much of a tease either. Find that middle ground. Experiment.

Nou truth be told, before I read your reply I was wondering over your reply, prior to this one, that if I try to improve, well too much of something isn't good and too less of something isn't good either, so I need to find that middle bracket where things are perfect. I guess that in time I will perfect this.

I did get the spark I was looking for from your latest reply, that story did give me a sense of understanding. You're a really good writer, wish you all the best for your current and future works.

Also, I haven't written any new chapters as I was thinking if doing a recheck of everything. My mid term exams will start from next week and I don't want to dissapoint my viewers. I have a really good story in mind, (at least that's what I think) sure I still need to think about the exact details. I didn't have a plan before I started writing just a general idea. But I see now that there is a ltitle more to it than that. I'm also not quite good at giving that feel to the readers that they are experiencing the story first hand. Taking your little story for example, it gives a lesson and you can experience it. It's quite troublesome that you're almost half way across the globe from me otherwise I could learn from you xD ... Well, I will try my best to make it just right to the readers ... Thanks again.

JavelinJoe I think I rewrote my first novel 8-10 times just for the opening 6 chapters...

Once it was better and smoother, I got alot of collections and views. But it was still a newbie novel.

Don't worry, spend your time learning. No rush for you.

Ierrech 8-10 times looks like I have to review all the chaps I posted. Thanks

Ierrech thank you. I'll be sure to read your novels... need all the EXP i can get xD

Nou Thankyou so much buddy. It is really helpful for me ... I see that reading the chap backwards is alot easier and less confusing xD. I reviewed my 1st and 2nd chapters and I feel more satisfied now. I would very much like it if you could also read those chapters and tell me if it's better ... thanks again