Yuukiko
Thanks for the read! It was really interesting. I'll wait for more chapters from you)

      Thanks for you valuable review :)

        Hi :D It's my first time posting a story, and it's an entry for the Writing Prompt Contest #32 (System, female lead). I only have four chapters out (will be seven by Sunday), so it's totally fine if you feel that's not enough to base a fair review on. I would already be grateful for views, comments, library adds, or (ehem) votes using power stones if you happen to like what I have written so far. Please excuse my shamelessness. XD

        Thank you very much!

        https://www.webnovel.com/book/12203458605078605/Lost-in-Character%3A-Transmigration-Chronicles-of-a-Reluctant-Heroine

        P.S. I'll also be looking at some of the books posted here, and if there's enough chapters (i.e., more than mine lol), I'll leave reviews in the next few days. :)

        • mdrm replied to this.

          mdrm Thank you for taking the time to read and even review! Looking forward to reading yours and the others here, I hope the thread remains active :)

              Huanghou
              The best person to ask for suggestions is kingicez. His advices helped me a lot.

                  Hello! This is my entry for Writing Prompt Contest #32-b: System (female lead). I only have two chapters out so far but I would appreciate it if someone could tell me whether or not this story is interesting. Please feel free to let me know what your thoughts on it are so far. Thanks!

                  https://www.webnovel.com/book/12245106706147805

                  • mdrm replied to this.

                    Wow there are so many good people in this community.

                      aiwuo The story is very interesting! My knowledge of language is poor, so no recommendations can be given, sorry. Keep up the good work!!!!

                        yosi
                        The story itself is really interesting. You should use punctuation more and capitalise first letters of the sentence. Also pay attention to "if's and "and"s sometimes they are misplaced.

                        I'm sorry if I said something wrong. English is not my 1st language, so I also make mistakes.

                        Keep up the good work!

                            mdrm I’m going to say it here first before anything. And everything I say here is optional, if you do not wish to do the things I have suggested then more power to you and I hope you and your brother finds some success👍 Also, some of the things I will talk about might be difficult for your brother to do depending on how young he really is. If he is just a small child, then I can understand if he doesn’t have a wide range vocabulary or the like. And don’t forget to use the author’s notes.

                            1. The chapter title, he doesn’t need to add the chapter 1 in “Chapter 1: The Mistake” since qidian already provides a chapter number. Just type the title “The Mistake” instead, and don’t forget capitalization.

                            2. The first chapter was okay. I do not mind that it was short, but It doesn’t really feel like a chapter. It feels more like a slightly longer summary. He should add a few more small details like

                            “As the witch, [insert name here], began to cast her spell, something in the distance caught her attention. This distracted her and caused her to accidentally cast the wrong spell onto Ronald. Instead of making him invulnerable, she used a teleportation spell that would bring him to a different world. [witch name here] tried to cancel the spell when she noticed but not only did she fail to stop it, the spell recoils on her causing her to be severely injured. Ronald, who had no idea what was going on, believed that he was going insane as his surroundings began to change.” This not only adds more to the chapter’s length, but changing some of the “weaker words” like ‘really bad’ into ‘severely’ can help paint an image for the readers. Also adding a bit more details like how the witch was injured, other than tripping, can really make give more...substance? Essence? Something to the novel. Tripping is okay and all, but very few people would get injured really bad from seonthing like that.

                            Also everything kind of feels really sudden (trust me I know when something is super sudden from experience T-T) things are moving too quickly from one point to another. From “he spit on a stone” to “he beat off some guys” to “he is in a new world”

                            1. The second chapter was all explanation, (this is personal opinion by the way, you don’t have to do any of the things I’ve been saying) I FEEL that instead of having an entire chapter to explain the ranking system, you allow the readers to figure it out by themselves at the same time as the MC, Ronald.

                            A description of each rank will be a little challenging to remember so you could have someone with the stone power appear and “show off” some skills of that rank when you want to tell the readers what the abilities are.

                            “[name here] stepped before the crowd of people with a smirk on his face. Suddenly, copies of himself began to appear in multitudes. “He is a gold stone user!””

                            I find it easier to remember the ability of a stone if it is shown or explained like this rather than laying down everything at once.

                            1. Four is maybe last that can change up the entire novel, are the gems separate entities or level of powers. This is not explained and some of the stones can be considered a person’s power while other stones sound like they are a pet or a speedster creature. It’s up to you when to reveal this information.

                            2. Beware of grammatical errors

                            Now overall the concept and what I read to far is NOT bad, it’s actually quite interesting and I am looking forward to where it goes. I won’t leave a review on it until future updates arrive but I believe that with some research and determination it will achieve great things.

                            Thesaurus.com is also a great website to use if you want to replace what you feel are “weak words” with stronger ones.

                                Pandoras_Zero its pretty good so far, a problem that I have been noticing is a lot of your words which should be past tense are present and the words that should be present are past.

                                For example in chapter 1 “Huh? Did I really saw the outside world before?”

                                It should be “Huh? Did I really see the outside world before?”

                                When your protagonist is speaking or thinking something, it is always in present tense since he/she are currently having that thought. You set up most of the non-dialogue parts as past tenses so you should keep it as such, like this other part in chapter 1

                                [He somehow could remember the scenery of the blue sky... Or should we say imagine. His mind become more and more hazy like something is missing in his brain... Like his name, family, friend, where he lives and when he always tried to recall it, the more his mind become hazy.]

                                You said “He tried to recall it” this is a past tenses sentence since ‘tried’ is the last form of try. If so then make the entire paragraph past tense

                                [He somehow could remember the scenery of the blue sky... Or should we say imagine. His mind became more and more hazy like something was missing in his brain... Like his name, family, friend, where he lived and when he always tried to recall it, the more his mind become hazy.]

                                If you want it to be the opposite and make verything present tense, then replace past tense words with present tense ones. Instead of “he tried” it will be “he tries”

                                Also you could replace a few “weak” words with some synonyms that you could find in thesauruses. Like instead of “more and more hazy” try “increasingly hazy”

                                Or try turning “he close and open his eye again” to “he continuously blinked his eyes a few times”

                                After this you have a few world placement errors. Like instead of having “But I can't still remember some people's name.” it should be “ But I still can’t remember some people’s names.” You have a few of these and you should read over you chapters to fix this later on.

                                Other than this, it was a good chapter with some promise. You doing pretty well and once you master these grammar rules then you will go far.

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