Hello ladies & gentlemen, I'm the author of Space Immortal it's been an absolute pleasure writing this story and left up to my own devices I would probably create something even more immersive than what I have now. Yet there is a way for the story to become more immersive without me having to go back to the drawing board and that is with your reviews. I would love for your reviews to be brutally honest. The realer it gets the better the story can be for us all.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/12073779006870505
Thank you

    You should revise the synopsis. The title's interesting enough but the synopsis turned me off.
    Also, put a link to your novel here. It's basic courtesy.

      Giglomash

      ...So, your MC is trying to find a particle that's already definitively been found? =P

      Speaking one author to another, may I offer a piece of advice a great writer once offered me? If you are going to tie your story into real life scientific understanding and reference specific physical entities or forces, make sure you know (at least generally) what you are talking about. Same goes for historical events, cultures, etc.
      You can absolutely make all kinds of stuff up, and bend reality a ton, and get away with it. What you cannot do, however, is misappropriate something real because it sounds/seems significant or mysterious without a legitimate explanation as to why so the reader who knows better isn't immediately turned away.

      Does that make sense?

          a month later

          Clowniac What do you mean? I wrote it that way because not many people even know what the Higgs is. If you can clarify where it seems like I don't know what I'm talking about? Finding it has already been established, speculation as to its functions and what it is are clearly theorized. What I'm saying is how can I be wrong about it's uses if our scientists have not figured out it's uses, the item is real which is in the realm of reality but its uses are still in the realm of fiction leaving me to speculate as to what it could be hence fiction meets reality.

              ImBloo I can see that it needs some tweaking. Yet what do you think about the actual story.

                  Giglomash
                  Haven't read your story, but the Higgs particle in particular was huge news when it was finally discovered. Even uninterested people heard about it frequently due to the nickname of God particle. The particle is also connected to a bunch of existing theories and research, and the reason they were originally searching for the particle was because multiple scientists agreed it had to exist to support existing theories related to physics.
                  Now the above is stuff I mostly knew already with a few finer details thrown in from the Wikipedia page. I'm by no means literate in science. Especially physics, as I never took it or chemistry in high school. But heavy readers tend to be more knowledgeable in general than non-readers. So that combined with how sensationalized the particle was makes it a bit odd to assume that not many of your readers will know about it or what it is.
                  All that being said, I've never been one to be bothered whether things like that are used somewhat inaccurately or unrealistically, though I don't like to do it myself. Also, as I haven't read your book, I obviously don't know how you used it and it could very well be feasible. Just thought I'd share my somewhat in the middle thoughts where I agree a bit with both you and @Clowniac

                      SnoozySloth I guess my wording is wrong. I see your point, heavy readers will most likely know about such a thing. Yet Clowniac is confusing me, although the story has a basis in reality it's still ultimately fiction. I figure I can write that Obama found the Higgs Boson as long as I don't get its "theorized attributes" wrong. I also don't understand what he means by those who know better? Who on this earth actually knows anything definitive about the Higgs boson? including the people who actually found it?

                            Giglomash
                            #1. The synopsis is like the advertisement. Bad synopsis = most readers won't check out the story. Period. And IMO, it doesn't need "some tweaking," it needs to be scrapped and redone. You should at least read the synopses for the novels in the top 20 (both original & translation) to have a sense of what to do. Also, take extra care to make it free of spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization errors. Your actual story can have those, but your synopsis shouldn't.
                            #2. The Protagonist
                            - Again, the problem of telling and not showing. You tell readers a bunch of things about the MC: He is amazing, new Einstein, etc. Yet he does nothing to demonstrate it. He oversleeps, whines about a bunch of things, is late for the... whatever it is he's supposed to do because he has to do SWORD TRAINING, blithely wanders into a supposedly dangerous area, ignores protocol (I suppose there has to be some sort of protocols or safeguards to prevent this kind of incident from happening, right?).
                            - Writing about smart people is hard. I get it (that's why I don't write about smart people). If that's your goal then do your best. Don't just take a typical 15-year-old kid, slap a "smart" label on him and assume people will buy it.
                            - Worse, you also attempted to tack on a "katana expert" label, too! That's just too much! He's 15 ffs! I can buy the sword training angle because he's adopted by the trainer. But you want to have it on top of "genius physicist" too? And he's an orphan, without a rich family? Where did he find the resources, connections, and above all, time, to pursue this highly specialized field of research (God's particle or whatever)?
                            - In short, the MC is dangerously close to your typical self-insert wish-fulfillment fantasy protagonist that has graced countless novels. I suggest you dial it down a bit. Scratch that, dial it down a lot. Increase his age (yes, 15 years old MC sounds like another sign of self-insert fic to me) and get rid of the sword training. I guess you want to stick to the physicist so that the MC can explain the weird stuff happening around him. So expand his backstory to justify his accomplishments in the field of physics.
                            #3. The murder
                            It's... bad. From the mustache-twirling CIA special agent villain that acts like a little kid...
                            "Woooooooo!" Sam jumped right back into the conference room that held Haruki's team. He was jumping around pointing at them all. "Did you guys just see that, he just fell over instantly like that, what's wrong with you guys am I the only one that knows what this means". Sam spread his arms an elated look on his face as he faced the gloomy team of people who were mortified.
                            ...to his poorly explained motivation. Does he have a grudge against this kid? Is he under order? By whom? The government? A private company?
                            Why is it necessary to kill this 'next-Einstein' kid if he's working for the government? How is it for the greater good?
                            These parts about the MC's death and the reason for it are really confusing!
                            #4. The reincarnation
                            I stopped reading at this part. Maybe it'll get better?

                                ImBloo

                                THREE WORDS :
                                TWO CHAPTERS ONLY!!!!!!!!!!

                                1: I got nothing against you bro but seriously constructive criticism is fine, but you could have done a quick google to verify some of your questions because to me you're not questioning me just the limitations of your own imagination. It's a fantasy with a basis in reality !!!! Why do you feel the need to tell me to change elements of my story? Why would I change his age? When there are people that were younger who earned the same qualifications in real life? Why would I not write about smart people? there are no standards to smart people.... they can be villainous and as righteous as the next person.

                                2: He is 15, asking why he makes decisions like oversleeping and being late is like asking why an intelligent person doesn't always have a clean room. The answer is right in front of your face. Intelligence does not mean you will automatically have wisdom, just because you are smart does not mean you cant live a life like regular people do.

                                3: Why can't he be 15 with a P.H.D, or a martial artist? There are people in real life who achieved more for instance. Karl Witte earned his P.H.D at 13 years old, Kim Ung Yong received his at 15, like do I even need to bring up the degrees they earned along side those, the many areas of study they mastered to even get the P.H.D? Point is many things are possible just because it seems strenuous and ridiculous to you doesn't mean that others cant do it.

                                4: What resources? He is a 15 year old genius. In our current era we have Universities with scholarship and grant programs that would shell out ridiculous sums to have a kid like that go to their schools. Do I even need to elaborate on why he was able to earn a P.H.D? By all means it's just the intro I didn't wan to go so deep into things that I though people would know better about especially when he would die anyway, the most important aspect was to get to the main story.

                                5: The murder may deserve some tweaking, but it's pretty much self explanatory. In this story I theorize on what the advancements of Dark Matter & The Higgs boson may mean to us as a people. What price would you pay if the Higgs Boson leads to advancements in space travel the same way satellites led to cellphones? The truth is any government would do anything! There is no need for a major grudge its strictly the price of benefits. Also the story's starting point is clearly America so it would be the U.S government right? Once again self explanatory, not everyone wants to see another genius rising, this is apparent in our real world where many people with talent are overshadowed by people who are just popular, it would make sense to steal his advancements and eliminate him so he cant claim it later.

                                    Giglomash

                                    #1. Sure, whatever you say. My imagination is that limited.

                                    #2. Here's the thing
                                    He is 15, asking why he makes decisions like oversleeping and being late is like asking why an intelligent person doesn't always have a clean room.
                                    Problem: I'm not saying he always have to be on time. I'm human as well. I've overslept plenty of time. BUT, this is not any normal day, right?

                                    If there's something extremely important that you have to do the following day, you automatically make sure you are not late for it. Like an examination, or a job interview. It's common sense. Even if you're a sloth that can never wake up earlier than 8 a.m., you make damn sure you get up in time.

                                    Whatever kind of genius he is, I'm pretty sure he had to be somewhat organized or have a bit of foresight. For example, upon waking up, his brain must be like "To-do list for today: (1) Eat breakfast (2) Gather your document (which should have already been prepared yesterday. (3) GO TO WORK! BE AT WORK ON TIME! THERE's important stuff to do!!!"

                                    Instead, he oversleeps, then he wastes time doing the morning training. Like he's completely forgotten he's supposed to be at work. Or he just doesn't care.

                                    This is not the problem of him "being normal", he is being the opposite of normal. This is being unintelligent, disorganized and lacking foresight and prioritizing skills, the kind of flaws that I am sure should have prevented him from having whatever kind of achievement he has.

                                    This also brings into question of why doesn't the facility or whatever he works for let him stay in the employee's quarter. When you have something important that's supposed to be done in time tomorrow, you should make sure everyone's there on time, right?

                                    #3. Did you even read what I wrote? I'm not saying he can't be either of those things. I'm saying being BOTH is ridiculous.
                                    Since you brought up Kim Ung-yong and Karl Witte... sure. How about this:
                                    - Did you read these guys' biography? Are they martial artist? Did they accomplish anything else in their early days besides scientific achievements or some non-physical stuff (like poetry or math or chess or whatever)?
                                    - Did you read about their daily life? How much time they spend studying and researching?

                                    I'm not saying people cannot be polymaths or renaissance men. It just that it takes a lot of time to accomplish those things, so those people tend to be pretty... grown-up. That's why you don't see 15 year old expert martial artists + Ph.D. holders in real life.

                                    I find is distracting and difficult to relate to such a protagonist. But, feel free to ignore me. I'm just one reader.

                                    #4. There should be some explanation. Don't assume your audience knows everything that's in your head. Like I said above, it's already pretty far-fetched that he could be both.

                                    #5.
                                    The truth is any government would do anything! There is no need for a major grudge its strictly the price of benefits.
                                    Yes. But jumping around like an idiot after he kills the kid makes it look like there's a grudge. And it's ridiculous to see a "special agent" acting that way.

                                    Also the story's starting point is clearly America so it would be the U.S government right?
                                    Maybe. But you never make it clear whether he's working for the government or some private company.

                                    Once again self explanatory, not everyone wants to see another genius rising, this is apparent in our real world where many people with talent are overshadowed by people who are just popular, it would make sense to steal his advancements and eliminate him so he cant claim it later.
                                    Again, WHO's behind this? Another genius? Another company? The government of another country? The US Government?

                                    Also, even if they want to steal his advancement, why not wait for, say, 5-10 more years, to see if he comes up with any other interesting/ useful/ profitable stuff?

                                    Besides, why not just poison him in his sleep or throw him off a balcony? Make it look like an accident? Killing him, THEN killing a bunch of people in his team by shooting up a room is ridiculously wasteful. Do scientists grow on trees there?

                                    If you find these criticisms unreasonable, feel free to ignore them. Like you said, the backstory is just there to push your MC to the main story. In my opinion, however, it either needs a lot of tweaking and expanding or should just be excised altogether, as it's really distracting to see a half-assed backstory with so many contradictions and unanswered questions.

                                    Good luck!

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