ace_cap I was writing a review so sorry about late reply XD Well this is a very complex question to answer, but let me clarify a few points first: in real life most relationships aren't like that--at least not in that exaggerating way--but there is indeed a general inclination of ideas like that about relationships and sex. And this inclination does not exist just in China, but also in Japan and Korea too from my understanding, but it's probably more typical and obivious from where I come from. I presumed it's because the cultures of the three countries are to some degree very similar and Japanese and Korean cultures--not meaning to deny the uniqueness of them---were historically under a big and long influence of the Chinese one. E.g. You can also see this phenomenon in the Japanese pornography, especially anime (I guess it's because in anime you can do things you can't in reality), that the male is raping and insulting female repeatedly in ways that are--probably beyond even the "unacceptible" level in western people's eyes--perverted and pathological, while the female was depicted to be a slave to male's sexual ability and her own lust, wanting for more of that shxt.
If you found using porn as an example here is not very precise, a friend of mine who's fond of Japanese culture showed me once a Japanese reality tv show, where the male is singing in Karaoke to win a high score for a cash prize, while a woman from Kabuki would do a hand job for him, and smile proudly to say how they worship male genitals and how honoured they are to be of service. As for in Korea, I believe not a long time ago, a witness of Jang Ja-yeon case was brought to court to make statements to the judge about the unjust treatment her friend suffered, who was an Korean actress that committed suicide in 2009 after a long period of violent, secret sexual service forced by her company to Korean businessmen and politicians. If you want to know the details maybe just google it, I'm simply too disgusted to list them over here and it will lead me too far away from the topic.
Back to your orginal question, I guess strict governmental presence seems to contradict with this wantoness in sex (which is more or less the case for all the three countries mentioned), but it will make sense once you think about it: the more you surpress, the more it will repel, and in a way that is unhealthy, and in the extreme case of these 3 countries, whose cultures have been avoiding--even depicating sometimes--sex for hundreds of years, it will be a very stubborn illness.
However I presume you are more confused about why many women seem to not resist, but even support and enjoy it to some degree--they won't romanticize and normalize it in novels if they don't like it. In my opinion, it is because the influence of that type of gender/sex culture is so profound and vast that it's already imprinted in their heads and they don't even realize it's wrong, and they already built up their self values around it: e.g. they might actually think that by succeeding an abusive relationship with a socially and sexually competent alpha male, they "conquered" a difficult man with their "female charm", and the cruelty of this guy to others (and previously to her) will just add up their confidence of their own..."beauty" or "uniqueness"(and it works especially well when the male is rigid to other women but desired the heroin strongly alone).
Yep. That's my psychoanalysis of this weird trend in novels∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿It's not really CCP's fault--however you take it, chairman Mao showed support of female rights and female presence in the army--and I feel like by publishing those strict bans of sexual contents on novels the government partly intends to stop this trend. But I'm already wordy enough on one subject so let's stop before it turns to a heated discussion about feminism. Besides, it's getting better through time--which is maybe the only way to cure this kind of cultural diseases--and many of younger generations are fighting for it, too. Not everyone is like that. Me, for example :D
