Chryiss

Thanks for the update list, hope you're resting well and feeling better, Drink lots of lemon&honey! (or whatever comfort drink of your choice)

    Chryiss Edited, now pretty please đŸ„°. I was never intending to promote it and was not aware that using bold letters actually does so. 😔
    So...yeah, sorry about that 🙁

        Chryiss That's a lot of stories you got there. Want me to temporarily lock this thread/change the title so no one else requests while you work your way through the queue?

            redmitte2x
            I deemed it as a self-promo for that reason along with no mention of wanting a review. But since you actually responded and edited your post with self-awareness, I'll put you back on the list.

            yaoyueyi Funny, I actually thought about asking you that some time back. xD However, I'm only getting 2-3 max requests a day now, and I realized I needed to be able to post the reviews and author questions lol! I'm slow anyway due to not feeling well, and I imagine I'll eventually hit a story I don't feel like reviewing haha... Of course, if it gets out of hand, that's another ball game.

                  https://www.webnovel.com/book/14376214406229405/The-Soldier-Turned-Hero

                  Synopsis
                  Colonel Shepherd was in the midst of a mission where He was covering the retreat of his comrades. That's when he was hit by a stray bullet and died or He should have but he awakened in another world and the first sentence that he heard was "All Hail The Hero!!"
                  This is the story of how a Soldier Turned into the Legendary Hero!

                    Can I be shameless enough to promote my novel?
                    Hello, everyone! I need some honest and serious reviews on the content I've written so far.
                    https://www.webnovel.com/book/15955753906635605

                    Title: Mr. Phantom's Tale Of Unrequited Love: Dear Wife, Please Be Mine.
                    Author: The_dark_light

                    ORIGINAL SYNOPSIS:

                    Living in an era where mistress was deemed as the most terrifying creatures, Victoria who had never imagined the possibility, unfortunately, had to encounter the same crisis.

                    Victoria Ren, a well-known actress and also the only heiress albeit sole successor of Daisy De Corporation was engaged to her best friend or one could also say her childhood sweetheart.

                    Lucas Martin was born with a silver spoon, his existence solely revolved around only one girl Victoria Ren, his soon-to-be-wife. Although he never loved her despite being with her for the longest period, he treasured their bond of friendship.

                    They dwelled their lives together peaceful until she arrived,

                    YES! THE MISTRESS

                    Olive Masu was born in a middle-class family. She was pretty, sensible and innocent. Working her ass off to nurture her only family, her father, her path coincided with Martin's.

                    What would happen if the blooming love between the two individuals comes to be a thorn in Victoria's heart? Will she give up on her love or fight back?

                    .

                    .

                    .

                    .

                    So you think it's done?

                    Naah! Not yet!

                    We still have another character!!
                    Renny Mason aka Phantom claimed to be the most terrifying individual in the underworld due to an unusual incident that was banished from the organization and decreed with a degrading mission to serve as a bodyguard to the sole heiress of the huge conglomerate. Throughout his journey, the villain hopelessly falls in love with the well-known ice goddess.

                    His love for her was greater than the water in the oceans and higher than the mountains. Staying along her side, he sacrificed his happiness for the woman he loved as he decided to help her attain the love and man she dreamed of.

                    However, heaven decides otherwise.

                      ShujaatAmin Suspicious promotion-like post. I don’t need your synopsis in order to review for free. It’s just me possibly reviewing, no one else.

                          LadyBlack_ No. You can’t be shameless and promote on this thread. You won’t be getting any reviewS on here either. Don’t clog up this thread with a long synopsis that someone who was offering A free review doesn’t need.

                            Man I was really hoping the new posts would be reviews...

                              Lilliny One coming up next actually lol. I ended up writing more than I expected when I mean to do just glance reviews now. XD

                              Are these actually helpful to other writers even if not for one’s own story? đŸ€”

                                  Fifth Book: A World in Peril: Rise

                                  Review up to chapter 8.

                                  Writing: Above Average
                                  I do find some atypical syntax, but overall, the grammar is okay, slightly above the usual found on Webnovel, hence why I deemed it a 4. With that said, WN has a low standard, so more needs to be worked on to fix where the grammar is off. For example, the second line is not in parallel construction with “stands...holding...starting.” It should be “stands..., holds..., and starts his speech. (dialogue speech goes here).”

                                  Update Stability: Above Average
                                  Last update was in 6 days, so not bad, but again comparing to WN standard and preference, this doesn’t quite make the 5 star “Great.”

                                  Story Development and Character Design: Both Below Average
                                  Here is where I have most of my critiques and these two went hand in hand for this. The first two chapters was the MC’s previous life and death with him talking to God. Two problems: 1) Why does did he get out of his world’s cycle? If you’re going to present a theory for life, death, and reincarnation with a higher being, then you need to clearly explain why the MC was “special” in having missed it. 2) Alexander doesn’t reference his past life once in the following chapters, making these first two chapters and description of entering a new world completely void and unnecessary for the reader.

                                  After these two chapters, we get an extended narration, yes narration and not story, of him growing up and finally going to the military. This is much too long to get to the “main scene” for the main plot, to one of the genres this is tagged under, War and Military. Two problems:

                                  1) His childhood is boring and doesn’t get us anything relevant. Why? Because it’s just narration, like a summary with his childhood with nothing interesting or important to note. All the events that happened was just him scraping by until he joined the military. No bonds with anyone; everyone else was just flyby characters, so the reader can’t grow attached. At one point in chapter five, it even said “nothing interesting happened.”

                                  2) Alexander basically is a new character because he doesn’t retain his previous identity. He doesn’t make use of his adult intelligence as a child and merely acts like one. Even at 14 joining the military, he’s at least 14+22+2+4= 42 years of age if he got his doctorate, possibly older. Why would he act so jumpy and nervous around the lieutenant and other military staff when he’s basically the same age? Or even more so, as act as a child like with Jack or among other children. This would have been a great opportunity to take advantage of his adult mind to get ahead as child. But instead, he lives an ordinary life. At least provide a suitable reason for his mental age seemed to have regressed into his new life age, and why he doesn’t refer to any of his past memories. Basically why chose to keep memories if they provide no purpose in your next/new life.

                                  World Background: Average
                                  This is decently explained, so credits for being able to visualize the world. However, the caveat to that is the necessity of describing everything. In other words, why build up settings that you don’t need and aren’t crucial to the plot? It would be better to start at his enlisting with a very brief touch on growing up orphaned and working for Jack until he got to the military. That one sentence is essentially all that the previous five chapters were about. Nothing noteworthy occurred in his childhood, so move onto the core story, the main highlight.

                                  Final words. Good potential due to writing skill and ability to convey visuals/setting. More work is necessary with balanced dialogue and more showing than telling (too much narration of events). I see a common pitfall of including the unnecessary to the reader but necessary to the writer (all the narration and MC previous world background). Also, more characterization of the MC early on. So far by chapter 8, I have little to no grasp of his character due to the extended yet time skipping narration of his childhood.

                                    Fluffypie I didn’t want to prejudge based on the surprisingly low rating of 3 compared to typical WN novels. So I jumped right in. I give kudos to you for not deleting the one stars like many authors though.

                                    With that said, I got up to chapter 6, and I just couldn’t continue due to the writing style in first person narrative. It’s very casually written, speaking directly to the reader in often sarcastic tones. This is not my cup of tea in the least. I personally find it very cringey and would have a lot of criticisms about the writing style. But it would be changing too much about your novel than anything I have ever reviewed. I don’t want to do that for you as well as me. Thus, I can only wish you good luck and leave it at that.

                                        Chryiss How old do you need to be to start writing here? I took a peek myself. It reminded me of the writing I did when I was 12. I wonder if the writer is still in their early teens?

                                        Yeah. It's a shame peeps 1-star with hard comments. If the writer is just a kid, might be hard for them to take. If they aren't a kid. đŸ˜¶

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