kuhaku_sora the biggest thing that I'd say is you probably don't need a prologue since you immediately jump past everything toward characters who don't seem to know they're in VR or that they're NPC's in a VR game. There are some wording issues and typos. But, the start is pretty good just some that world-building could be integrated into the story a bit better.

    The Big In Little - Story Description

    Laide Williams is buried beneath her past. Axel Schaefer is digging up his. They say all's fair in the game of love and war. But is it for these two?

    It's not.

    Eleven years ago, an accident fataly took her parents life. And now Laide will do anything to find out the real cause behind her parents deaths, even if it means working together with an arrogant detective who seems to have his own secrets to booth. In the course working together an undeniable aura of attraction storms the two. Will Laide take what seems to be her only shot at happiness with the one person who's become her future plans or will their blood-soaked past connections tear them apart?
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