DaoistxTves4
Hi DaoistxTves4, your review is up!
Something that I noticed is that the paragraphs in this story tend to be short, most are single lines of dialogue. Reader's eyes like contrast, and they'll have an easier time following through the story with varied paragraph length. A good rule of thumb is that every seven (7) lines of continuous dialogue should be broken up by a longer paragraph of reflection, description, or action.
One other thing you might want to consider is adding about more about the setting--the story takes place by a nameless beach. Does this place have a name? Is there a town nearby? Take some time to describe the location, it'll make it feel more real to readers and give some possible locations for new plot points--a rainstorm comes and Serenity needs to take shelter in an unfamiliar restaurant, Zephyr goes exploring in a rather infamous cave nearby and gets stuck etc. There's a lot that you can do as an author once the readers feel a bit more familiar with the location and the setting.
Keep it the great work!! The pearl mechanic feels quite powerful and this story has a lot of soul, keep on writing and practicing and in time more rewards will come your way!