I'm sorry, but your Hitman Hitman Garden isn't very well written. Never mind the cheesy title, your dialogue comes across as unnatural and flat, your characters are one dimensional, and your writing style is...how do I put it, amateurish.
I mean, just look at the first sentence, for example.
9 year old Kyoto Nakamura, and his 12 year old brother Raikame Nakamura, were walking at the bottom of the large mountain, carrying sacks of animals, walking through the horde of trees and rocks.
That is one of the worst possible ways to begin a story. Also, why the hell are you repeating "walking" in the same sentence twice? And then you proceed to describe your two characters in a pretty stiff manner. Try to weave the descriptions in a more natural and organic manner, not just slap them onto the end of the first paragraph like that. And then you gave Kyoto one pink eye and one red eye, and his brother two pink eyes. What are they supposed to be, albinos? Then why do they have dark skin? And what reason do you have for giving Kyoto white hair when he's only 9 years old? Are you trying to sound edgy?
Not that I can write any better, but at least I'm not the one going around desperately begging people to read my stuff and claiming they wouldn't be disappointed. I think you need a reality check before you go around trying to shamelessly advertise your story when nobody asked for it, and then boast how we wouldn't be disappointed. The quality of your writing, quite frankly, leaves a lot to be desired. I think you need to read a lot more and practice a bit more before bragging like that.