KCChakry Interesting stories, not my type of genre but I can point out some common mistakes, first is the Lines oh yes, chapter 1 that __________ even if you want to show a different scene that is a big no-no because I read with Font size 20 which makes the lines appear on 2 lines. To fix this I would recommend (Not now but the future novel you will write) to first make the character alive, a character that has his/her own voice and someone that can be easily identified without having to go through the first chapter first few paragraphs. summarizing is not my fort in this genre again, barely read this types before and I have 0 experience with it which leads me to go through the mistakes immediately!
Your writing
"Hey, Cousin." The guy with Buzz cut smiled at one of the guys, who gave him a curt nod.
"Hey, this is my friend-" The 'Cousin' prepared to introduce but was cut off by his eager and excited friend.
"Who cares? Tell me, what's going on here?" The 'Friend' asked, trying to look past the wall of students standing in the classroom. "Where is the guy who challenged Mrs. Abernathy?"
No need to 'identify' cousin and 'friend' more than three times, it gets a bit annoying (Refer to other translated novels, notice how characters are identified simply? Let me give you an example of what I mean:
"Run my love! The monster is right behind us" The male ape said
"Awa..aa he looks handsome! " While blushing, she stopped running with the male ape and turned around to face the monster before getting caught
A naked 3 feet tall human full of muscles who was running after the couple apes caught up and caught the female ape tightly before he screamed with rage: "MACHO UNDERWEAR, GIVE BACK!"
Here I created three things, Identified the enemy, created their personalities and made them look idiotic. On the other hand, we have the main protagonist, Macho, from reading that he is a muscle-head who is a strong yet stupid idiot.
https://www.wikihow.com/Create-Good-Personalities-for-Your-Characters
Also, there seems to be a problem of starting a new paragraph, not sure if this is a long-term issue with your novel but it can affect the total overall rating of the novel because it starts off as a mistake which will grow bigger in the long-run. Let us go back to the basics, when will it be good to start a new paragraph? How do we start it? where will the story end up after this paragraph? Common mistakes such as this are normal and the best way to become a well-known novel writer is to fix your own mistakes.
Paragraph (When to begin and end)
- Location (Point a to b)
- Time (After a thousand years of cultivation)
- Different Speech
- A simple change of topic
- introduction of something or someone new
That was long, I apologize for this long reply :smile: as I said I never liked that genre but I can help out with the common stuff, hope it helped and good luck with your novel!