PathfinderForest Hello Ryuzaki, before I talk about the chapters I would like to say that the synopsis contains errors such as "It's name Chyrma Academy of Magic and Fighters, every 13-year-old would be sent by their families to make them become humanity hopes. " and "A thousand years of peace isn't without fear and pressure. Although the protectors put up by 'Young Heroes' were very strong at that time, ". Sometimes the words used can make a huge difference and this is a very important part of any novel. let me show you a possible fix to the first error sentence in here "Chyrma Academy, a place where every family will send their children after the age of 13 to help them become the defenders of humanity!" this is just a simple fix, it has many ways of being fixed but let us stop here and go forward to talk about chapter 1 issues:

Issues

  • Definite article ("Atmosphere of the Capital City is very crowded..." where is The atmosphere? "Then in capital of Cerbon City," The capital? read your own novel to improve or https://www.ef.com/english-resources/english-grammar/definite-article/ )
  • plural noun ("the price of ... that simple goods." preferred 'Those' simple goods, that is modifying the plural noun goods. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead."
  • Redundant indefinite article ("who was just a garbage in their eyes.) 'A', may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun garbage in your sentence. Consider removing it.)

More issues can be talked about but those are the most common ones I have seen, I have noticed that your english is not top notch but you are trying to make it work which I like seeing. The idea is amazing, the progression is going very well but the grammar needs some work on. Try focusing on reading your story out loud and sometimes allow a friend to read it. Grammarly can be useful for small issues either ways good luck and keep up the good work!

    bachingchung Just chill.

    I am just chilling.... how did you know about it??.... are you watching me playing with my self??.....
    *Blush... Naughty boy!!

        Hi, everyone!
        I was wondering if there's a particular length a chapter has to be? I have the next few chapters written in a notebook, but I'm not sure how much I should put per release.

          D3vilL0rdM4ch1na The start seemed pretty good and I love the synopsis. I would watch out for doing this, “It is still a question that Keita Kuro asks himself every day. ” and not having a question or a question mark before this line. Also, you have a random period between rushing and to. You have a few random tense errors. I’m not a grammar expert but when I have two commas in one sentence I try to make sure the sentence flows on either side of the commas. Sort of like: A cat, of dubious origins, was bathing in the sun. There may be other times when you can use two commas in a sentence outside of a list, but I’m not sure what they are.

          Another thing you may want to do is check the definition of some of the words you used. For instance, monolog is a long speech but you're using it with around 13 words split among two sentences. You should also go over your dialog and ask yourself; if I was talking to this person, at this point all of your characters are strangers to each other, would I really say that?

          Finally, I think your pace may have been a bit fast. You’ve got two characters, that I’m guessing you introduced more in the two side chapters, and a trip from a house to a market and finally the guild. All of this is a bit fast and, personally, I wouldn’t label the chapters that you use to introduce your characters as side chapters, these chapters are too important for setting things up to be side chapters. When I see side chapters I think those are chapters I can read if I want too but I don’t have to read them to understand the story. Please keep writing!

              naimisha93 I love the synopsis especially the “what ifs hopefully not WTF”. I think you might be missing some punctuation. But I’m not very good at punctuation myself so I can’t say what punctuation you’re missing. I loved the first chapter! It worked well for someone who hasn’t read Release that witch. You have also made me want to start reading it. :)

              P.s I think your missing punctuation is a comma. Here’s a link I found on them. https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp

                  UnhingedTaboo I like the synopsis but would recommend removing the rhetorical question at the end. I’m currently way too tempted to respond to it, and I’m sure others will. I also think you have a few dropped words to try catching. You can do this by slowly and carefully reading your story to yourself out loud. You also have a “ . rather than placing the period inside the quotes like normal. You tend to have lots of very long sentences. Another thing you should do is check the definition of some words before you use them and look up some common sayings.

                  I think you have a suddenly where you should have a surprisingly. Because it's more surprising that someone who is panicking is not fighting then it suddenly when they didn't appear to be fighting in the first place. Another thing is heart-arrest is commonly referred to as a heart attack.

                  Finally, I ran a paragraph of your story through Grammarly. Some of the changes it recommended will help you catch some of your tense errors. So, I would recommend running your story through Grammarly. Keep writing. :)

                    Vighnesh_93 First you have a word wall for your synopsis. I like the content of your synopsis, it just needs to be broken up. You have some grammar issues that you may be able to spot by reading your story out loud. You can also run your work through Grammarly, but it won’t be able to help you fix all of your grammar problems. Another option is using the link I posted for grammar book. It may help improve your comma usage. Grammar book also has a lot of grammar rules you can read through and has quizzes you can practice with.

                    Finally, you may want to check currency conversions because 10,000 dollars is a lot for going to karaoke with friends. That's enough money to buy some used cars in fairly good condition or pay for a year's worth of college where I live. Even though you're using this to tempt the beggar to attack him, I still think it's way too much and that his parents would not have simply let their child take that much money with him to spend time with his friends. I like your story, so please keep writing. :)

                      LurethVT Grammarly can help you catch some of the basic grammar errors you have. A resource for more information on grammar rules is grammar book. Another resource is thesaurus.com they can help you find synonyms that may improve the readability of your story. Also, if you want to you could try asking the person who corrected some of your grammar if they would be willing to help edit your story. Or join our discord server where we have some editors. I’m not sure if any are available at this time.
                      I think your story is really interesting and plan to read more! :)

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