Choka There is a line in your novel in the first chapter where it says from herbs he 'have' you should change it to he 'had' Also the paragraphs are broken. at least make a para of about three lines. short sentences make it weird to read. In the second last paragraph the second line planes 'who' should be changed to planes 'that'. second chapter 7th paragraph you changed from the past tense to the present tense in one sentence. stick to one tense. It will be easier for the readers to understand if the moment is taking place now or has already happened in the past. it might get confusing if you keep changing it in one sentence. The third last paragraph has a typo. The last line again has a similar mistake. you can understand it once you read it. Also, the writing is great but in the part where you have mentioned the snake, try adding where it comes from it just suddenly appeared but the part is not really clear when reading, also the part where the snake comes forward can also be modified a little. Over all well written but I think you need to make these few changes and we are good to go! <3 hope this helps you with your future chapters!!

      Scorpious_star but all you did was tell me about grammar mistakes. What i want is to tell me your thoughts about the story and writing not grammar mistakes.

          Choka As I mentioned earlier in my entire text, your writing and the story line is great but it needs a little editing here and there to make it sound even clear to the readers. Sometimes the pace is slow and other times it makes me think that everything is happening in the blink of an eye. The parts where I told you about your grammar mistakes are the ones that I had to reread over and over. Also, the thoughts and dialogues of the Characters sometimes mix up making it unclear if he is thinking out loud or in his/her mind. Overall if you continue the story at a normal pace, it is a great read.

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