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Title: Citrigar of Eons and Dreams

Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

Genre: Fantasy

Tags: Fantasy, reincarnation, Comedy, action, adventure,

Synopsis:

A boy, found in the fields with no memory, with only a necklace with a dangerous emblem.

A girl, a thief who unwittingly uncovers a secret that would change the world.

This is their journey.

Schedule:
Chapters come out when they come out.
Semester just started, but I'll have a schedule soon.

Ethan_Fernandes done!

Ethan_Fernandes lets do one

ongoing fantasy novel: https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

If anybody else wants to, I'm still down for swaps.

my book: https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

bleedingpapers done

DaoistShjLAg done

Kid_Phantom done

Anotoki im still waiting on yours

Kid_Phantom
lets swap https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

FAYSALAHMED5058 done

bishop1275
done
mine: https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

comfortseavey same

RazorIsSharp
I already left a review

comfortseavey https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

lets swap

FAYSALAHMED5058 mine is: https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

lets swap

TaintedMetal https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

lets swap

bleedingpapers https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905

lets swap

Gaureeey my book: https://www.webnovel.com/book/citrigar-of-eons-and-dreams_18820141906312905/the-dragon-and-the-clover_50520468268049574

It's not bad, but in the first chapter, I immediately see some ways you can make it flow better. You include 2 anaphora; There is the one about the color brown and the one where you use "wouldn't". Personally, I find the one about brown to be a bit excessive, but that's also a nitpicky opinion. The one with "wouldn't" is a bit more problematic. Using it a second time so soon runs the risk of the technique being repetitive. Those three sentences also don't feel very connected at all. I would consider writing it as one speech segment rather than three separate questions.

There are also some redundancies in other parts. Where you write "It would never be the same..." I would expect the character to be hurting physically if they were gripping their heart.

I would definitely stay away from stuff like Dave is having a minor flashback after blacking out on the floor There are many other ways to set up/describe a flashback. Though its not necessarily a novel, Orange is a manga that has a ton of flashbacks. You can check it out and see how the describe it or set it up. Just having a message like that kinda makes it weird to read.

Anotoki done