EsliEsma first chapter and there's already rape scene. Lolololol.
I hope you try also my first web novel xD
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11779769906517505/Conjoined-Adventures
Review anyone :)
Haven't read it yet, I saw the word rape and immediately lost interest. Maybe try to read more novels on how to start a novel properly? And not with a rape scene? Unless that's some important part, it's a major turnoff, you should see how triggered people get at anything to do with rape. If you really decide to keep it, you'll either receive a lot of hate or well idk not receive that many likes or something?
This is a criticism, I'm only giving advice, if you think that webnovels here are too well translated or whatever, then go to wattpad where more rookies are and you'll probably learn a thing or two there.
Polish your skills slowly and you'll receive the perfect weapon in the end and be the last one laughing. :)
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EsliEsma
Here's my impression of the first 7 chaps.
The good:
- you seem to have a clear idea of where the story's going.
- the writing seems confident. I can see clear effort being put in world building.
The meh
- derivative plot. Experiment subject escapes, goes to get revenge. Whether the story works depends on how well you execute it.
- poor explanation of this VAIR thing. Either explain it properly in the first few chaps, or don't mention in until you're ready to explain it properly.
The bad
- bland protagonist. Amnesiac psychopath with... acrobatic abilities? No personality. No "cool factor."
- who's the antagonist?
- attempt to set up the mysteries are lacking. She's looking for Atlas. Why? What happens if she succeeds? What if she fails? What are the stakes?
- characters' actions sometimes don't make sense.
- there are a lot of excessive descriptions of mundane stuff. Like who cares how much the bus fee is, or what the name of the person selling the tickets is?
- presentation: spelling, grammar, punctuation mistakes, while not too numerous, are distracting. Occasional clumsy expressions: "She picks out two hand guns and tests that they have bullet" should be smth like "... and makes sure they are loaded."
ImBloo "She picks out two hand guns and tests that they have bullet"
If she has vast experience with guns, she should able to know empty weapon and loaded weapon just from its weight :)
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SweetsTomato Maybe but that would be too nitpicky. It wasn't stated that she was a firearms expert (or did I miss it?). Moreover, she was in prison/ simulation for who knows how long, so it's understandable that she might have forgotten such specific knowledge.
ImBloo that's no need for knowledge right? just need your feeling.... like when you hold a half-empty bottle and full loaded bottle with eyes closed. you can know which one is fully loaded right?
SweetsTomato Doesn't the bullet of a gun makes up an almost insignificant weight of the gun, so it's pretty hard to tell the difference unless the weight difference is large enough?
Afternoone Either that or the person is a veteran with guns who is extremely sensitive to small weight changes.
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SweetsTomato That shows how much you knows about gun :). The ammo weighs much less compared to the gun, even a handgun. For example, 0.97kg compared to 1.07 kg is not easy to differentiate.
ImBloo if only one bullet, that's maybe almost can't feel it. 9x19 mm parabellum bullet has weight around 7-8 grams. But how many bullet can loaded in one magazine? 12 bullets? or 15?
8 grams x 15 = 120 grams, that's more than an ounce thou :)
SweetsTomato
(1) Holding nothing vs holding 120 grams. Then yeah, I'll probably feel something.
(2) BUT if I was holding about 1kg before adding 120 grams. Then it's much harder to tell.
(3) THEN I don't even know/remember how much the gun is supposed to weigh. How am I supposed to know if the gun weigh 1.0 kg loaded or 1.12 kg unloaded? And how can I trust my hand to remember what that weight feels like?
(4) ON TOP OF THAT, my arm is bleeding, I was being pursued, I have another murderer hanging around me.
(5) And it takes 1 second to check the number of rounds in the magazine.
So why should I rely on "feeling" to determine if a weapon's loaded?
ImBloo in death or life situation, one second can be crucial.
One second late to evade, the bullet already pierced the head 
SweetsTomato most of my family owns guns, none of them can tell if its loaded or not by weight, UNLESS they are EXTREMELY familiar with that SPECIFIC gun (I'm not even referring to the model, I mean the actualgun), and guns can be modified and have attachments, so you're arguement is illogical, however it's not hard to check a gun for ammo. Before anyone says "look down the barrel", that's a way to get your face shot off.
Hohoho....from the start it's already illogical. With enemies surrounding her/him, why she/he has time to check the gun loaded or not. if there's spare clip, I will immediately replace the old clip and insert the full clip since the enemy will not give me time to reload my weapon. I only check the bullet if there's no spare clips and every bullet is precious and if possible I will make it one bullet for one enemy :)
EldridSmith Do you watch movie 'Taken 2'? when the MC 'friend' in France pointing a gun to him, with a cool tone MC said, "you've been work behind the table for too long until you forget the weight between empty gun and loaded gun" while scattering the bullet he took from his friend gun :)
SweetsTomato You are basing your knowledge of movie logic? That explains your misconception. It doesn't work like that IRL.
EldridSmith but that's works in most movie and story. Aren't we talking about a story here?
SweetsTomato Logic fail. It takes much longer than 1 second to figure out how many rounds you have if you do it by "feeling" the weight.
SweetsTomato Note that the French guy only has ONE gun, and used it often, which makes it plausible that he could tell if the gun is loaded or not by feeling. And he even forgets how to do it after a while. So your point is... ?
ImBloo my point on it second, experienced gunman can differentiate empty and loaded weapon 