Maybe because the way the person that is suppose to be summoned is being treated compared to the main protagonist. That may cause a rift between them. I also thought of maybe adding a taste of what the system gives the protagonist by a level up or skill upgrade.
Help with synopsis
joshhultz The two are best friends. I have already written 14 chapters. If you read them and get a feel for the story, as it has a lot to do with what I'm looking for in the synopsis...
What I think is:
Adrian Ardvel and Eldrid Sverd are best friends, they are normal boys and they live normal lives, until one day while they went to school a magic circle that appears randomly takes the two best friends to a fantasy world full of magic and wonderful creatures .
There is only one small problem ... The king who summoned them realizes that he made a mistake in summoning Eldrid Sverd!
The king only needs a hero, so Eldrid is just an accessory not welcome!
So to compensate the young lad, for the king has no way to send him back to his original world, the king offers him a request.
So Eldrid Sverd asks for a ride home? Ask for gold? Ask for fame and fortune? Ask for superpowers?
No! Of course he will ask for the hero's famous golden finger!
Eldrid Sverd asks for a unique system that will help you survive in this magical and chaotic world!
Follow the story of this ordinary, common-looking boy who has a miraculous system that will guide him to the top of power!
Eldrid: So if I just came by mistake? I will become the greatest magical warrior in the world!
Adrian: Try not to destroy the kingdom on the way! on seeing his friend's uncontrolled mana
Eldrid: It was just a miscalculation! Will not happen again!
Adrian: You've always been pessimistic in math and geography, I bet you do not hit that evil dragon up there! points to the poor, innocent black dragon that was walking in the sky
Black Dragon: (...) Hey, I'm innocent in all this! when it narrowly escapes the magical power of the human
That would be my idea of synopsis, if you want you can use it, if you do not want to, I leave you good luck there.
Xoxo
rather than 'a fantasy world full of magic and wonderful creatures' would write full of magic and mythical creatures. because if you write wonderful creatures, my imagination goes to creature like mermaid, pegasus or unicorn, those i call wonderful creatures. But if you write mythical creatures that will include dragon, wyvern, basilik, behemot etc, or if those creatures there is dangerous, you can write it as ferocious beasts
EroMaster There is a wyvern in the auction chapter.
- Edited
Take_the_Moon It fits, however Malthael wanted an heir, not a hero. I will be able to use a decent portion of this though, many thanks.
EldridSmith
I put the hero as an example, but I'm glad you could use something I did.
Xoxo
I do still need more opinions! I just have some bits and peices that i can use from Take_the_Moon (The system is basically just a shop and dialogue, not the entire premise of the story) I need more about action, adventure, and summoning his other friends from earth.
That's more than what you ask.
As the title said, you ask help with synopsis, right? Hihihihi :P
SweetsTomato It is, that's what I was referring to.