Webnovel.Forum

Alright, before we get into the meat of it, I'm letting you know that if I seem to be coming off harshly, don't worry. That was my intention, and that means I'm doing a great job. If not, let me know. I plan on reviewing each section as I go, neither jumping ahead, nor behind, and giving my honest opinion on what I see.

Okay, first off, you got skimped with the cover art. Go back to whoever made the artwork for you and demand that you want your money back! Okay, maybe not your money back, but for them to fix your title correctly. The biggest text, your title, reads

I SHAL LWRITE MY OWN DESTINY

See here:

Yeah, it's just a spacing error. But it stands out. You don't want your first impression for everyone to be, "Look, I don't double check my work" now, do you?

(Huh, I meant for this to be a line break, but did you know that putting dashes underneath your paragraph makes the text bigger? I think I'll keep it like this. Not sure what I mean? Here's a picture)

The top half is the preview, the second half is the raw text.

Secondly, your synopsis is grating to the eyes. Every word started off with a capitalization. Am I reading the table of contents, listing the chapters? Or different titles? Are they different stories? If yes, leave them be. Though I'll admit, listing chapters is much better in the Table of Contents than as the synopsis.

Can You Imagine Reading Something Like This As The Synopsis? The effect, I think, would be much better with proper capitalization. Seeing your synopsis like this scares me already. But if you really want to keep that kind of capitalization, then there's two things I want to point out:

1) Keep your capitalization consistent. If you're going to do it, do it all the way. Capitalize that was and capitalize that obstacles. Refer to my highlights if you're unsure in the picture below.
2) Itself, from how you used it in the synopsis, is one word. Refer to my highlights:

Third:

Your review reflects how readers will view your story. It just might be a bit old-fashion of me, but reading your review gives me an informal, almost immature-like vibe from your series.

Hello there guys, i am Imenload the author of this novel, i am happy to state that the novel is officially starting to be released from today onward, please support the novel friends.

I know this is going to sound ludicrous to you, but it's because of your choice of not capitalizing your "i". When texting, it's easy to not do a capitalized "I". When chatting, that's okay too. That's because all those are informal avenues. However, when you want to get down to business, make sure you capitalizes that which needs to be capitalized, and lowercase those that don't. It'll make a difference in the impression you leave behind. It's almost like reading something like this:

"Hi thur gais, im ..."

But just a bit more formal. You're almost there to the formal level, but just fix up those two "I's", and that super long run-on sentence you have going there. That's all. And put a comma after your name in that review. I think that's about it for the review.

Now you might be saying this at this point of my essay:

"Nou, this has nothing to do with my story. Why are you so caught up in all this and just review my story already!"

Well, imenload! I'm glad you asked that question! You see, all that I've pointed out so far—the typo on the cover art, the improper capitalization on the synopsis, the long run-on sentence in the review—all reflects the nature of your work, giving off a certain first impression that would affect the number of viewers who may be dropping by to pick up the book. Based of what I've told you so far, can you guess what my first impression of your work is? And then combine it with this quote:

imenload All right friends, this is my second novel, and it seems that i will stick with this one for the time being

Hmm. Outlook isn't too good. But for the sake of learning, I'll persist onward to chapter 1.

The start of Chapter 1 doesn't look too good either. Two things that first popped out: your long run-on sentences, and you seem to have dropped a word off your first sentence. Now, I don't quite remember what the official definition of a run-on sentence is, but it's something to do with "two or more independent clause joined together with just a comma and no other coordinating conjunction is present there to help with the gluing of those two+ clauses." Your seven coordinating conjunctions are: for, and, nor, but, or, yet. Of course, you can always add in a period too, and not have to worry about any of that conjunctions needed.

The dropped word is in the very first sentence (well, technically that whole paragraph is your sentence due to it all being commas).

In a world filled with struggles for power, where the strong feeds on the weak, where the rules the weak,

"Where the ... rules the weak" <-- I think you dropped a word here, by my ellipses.

Further reading into the, uh, first paragraph, shows us this:

... whole world for peace to befall, When Emperor Qin unified the world...

You have a comma acting in place of where a period should be.

Next, right after that phrase, there is this (I bolded the word that you need to focus on).

when he was standing on top of the sacred fierce beasts starting at his loyal subordinates and his people,

I believe you wanted to use "staring" instead. The very next phrase shows us this:

he only left two a couple of words that widespread to the whole Empire Of Qin

"He only left those two a couple of words that widespread to the whole were eventually spread throughout the Empire of Qin.

Now, to be honest, this first paragraph is enough to be off putting by itself. Lack of evidence of proofreading can be seen. Words are dropped, capitalizations are off, run-ons are evident. It's hard for me to read past all this.

A quick glance shows that it's not only random capitalization in sentences, but it's also lower-cased letters in beginning of sentences too:

No matter how delicious the meal is, if the meal is all covered in debris, pebbles, and twigs, don't be surprise when that dish isn't picked to be eaten when there are other cleaner (but less tasty) dishes around it. This is the age where there are more stories to read than you possibly can in your lifetime. With so many stories out there, you got to really stand out. Polish your plate. Decorate your meals.

Story writing is good, but lack of good grammar sense can turn a piece of art into something... less extraordinary.

I recommend you finding someone who can help you edit your work as you go. Though your role as a story writer is to write out your thoughts and stories, having good grammar is extremely helpful. If you can't find anyone, I can suggest using Grammarly. Keep in mind that with all machine-assisted things, use your best judgment when following those error prompts. Reading up on the explanations on "why it's an error" would be helpful too.

Good luck on the rest of the story. Sorry if you're disappointed that I didn't review past the first paragraph. I didn't read past the first paragraph because too many things were distracting for me. I couldn't focus past the first part of your paragraph by itself, so I couldn't enjoy your story. Therefore, I'll have to end my review here. :S Sorries