Reinesse
Ah, another point of note that occurred to me as I was reading chapter two:
You don't use any transitional words/phrases.
For the first half of chapter 2, every sentence you have effectively started off with:
He is... She walked... Huang Liwei glanced ... There's nothing connecting the sentences together. Each sentence starts with a "He/She/(Name)".
Here, I'll pull one from Chapter 2:
She pointed out.
CEO Wei forced a grin. He then genuinely laughed after he seemingly remembered something.
CEO Wei revealed. "She's actually the one who composed your title track and your favorite sidetrack. Xiao Wei also edited what his brother created from the lyrics to the beats. She is also the one who guided the demo singer." He drank from the water bottle he has been holding.
Huang Liwei glanced at the bag cramped in the corner. She picked it up and fished out a folder. Liwei pinned a ballpen at the folder then passed it to CEO Wei which he did accept, but with a grave expression.
Now, compare that to this, a scene from Book 7 of Harry Potter:
"Do you recognize our guest, Severus?" asked Voldemort.
Snape raised his eyes to the upside-down face. All of the Death Eaters were looking up at the captive now, as though they had been given permission to show curiosity. As she revolved to face the firelight, the woman said in a cracked and terrified voice, "Severus! Help me!"
"Ah, yes," said Snape as the prisoner turned slowly away again.
Can you see how each sentence doesn't start straight up with the subject? Can you hear how more fluent it sounds?
Somehow, the second half of chapter 2 seems to be written by either a) a totally different person, or b) with a totally different mindset. Starting with the line:
From five o'clock in the afternoon until an hour before midnight...
From that point on, the sentences reads a whole lot smoother due to you using transitions, conjunctions, etc between each sentences. Each sentences were now connected. Either you got more confident in your story as you typed along, or someone else helped you out, do note that the second half is presented better than the first half.
Do note again, that in chapter 2, there is no sense of crisis, no conflict, no storm brewing on the horizons that could be sense. Instead, we're flatly following around a person's job without any thrill or suspense. Again, we understand nothing new about our main character, and thus we would be viewing the character from afar, as oppose to immersing ourselves into this story.
I think I'll conclude my review of "Queen of Performing Arts" here. There was no hook to draw readers in. There was no interesting characters that readers can empathize with. There was no primal goals or motivation that the readers can relate to.
Some suggestions:
1) It seems like you're suffering a bit from starting at the beginning of her rise to greatness. Instead, maybe consider trying to start just as far into the timeline as you can. Right where the action's about to take place, before bullets starts flying. Don't give us time to think about what's going to happen, whether she wants a bathroom break or not, whatever. Let us know that things about to get real dirty, real fast. Maybe start chapter 1 with her standing on the stage, about to dance her own choreograph in front of millions (or whatever her dream is). Go through the tension she feels. The nervousness. And the struggle that she took to get where she was. Snap, time shift back your original chapter 1.
2) Make a hook for your first chapter. That chapter should grab someone's attention, and make them interested. In that same vein, your first line is also extremely important. Don't neglect that. That can make or break your story too.
3) Once you've set the hook, don't forget the lure. You got to keep luring me in. Make me want to read the next paragraph. Then the next. Then the next chapter. Then the next 3 chapters. Then the next 10. If you can do that, you'll have me waiting for you to pump out a new chapter. How do you make me want to read it? Easy:
4) Make me care. Your character has to make me want to care for her. I don't need to like her. She can be the most sluttiest person on earth, or she can kick every dog she sees—it doesn't matter. I don't need to like her. I just need to care. Tell me why her story would matter. Maybe I'm there to see how she'll die, because of all the dogs she has kicked? Just keep in mind though, that a story without tension isn't a good story. It's the difference between saying:
I went to the bar and, instead of the usual, I ordered a new drink because I saw someone drinking it and he looked like he was enjoying himself.
vs
You would not believe what I got at the bar today! So as I was about to order my usual, I saw, 3 stools down, this guy falling down from his seat as high as a kite after taking one shot of this drink!
5) Build tension. Build suspense. I wont elaborate more on this, as the prior resource from the previous posting should suffice for a while.
6) Establish a conflict, early on. Let us know what the goal is that you have set out. Let us be involved in the why. Give us the breadcrumbs to follow
7) What are the rewards and punishments if this goal isn't met? Why would that be interesting at all?
8) Read some of your favorite fiction books. By books, I am referring to any literature work that has gone through a heavy professional editing process. You don't have to read the whole book, just chapter 1. Note down what you like, and what drew you in to reading that book more. See if that helps at all.