Hello.
I wrote a new novel called Retired emperor.
The novel has 3 chapters for now and I want feedback for it.

Link to novel:

This is a new novel I wrote.

It's called retired emperor, the novel has 3 chapters for now.
If you can give some feedback I will be grateful.

The novel link:
https://m.webnovel.com/book/12268414505172505

Thank you for reading this post

    Sure mate, here is my feedback.

    Lets start with your title. There are many rules to title capitalization and its a bit complicated at first, but generally every word that has more than 4 letters needs to be capitalized, so Retired emperor should be Retired Emperor. It even looks nicer now.

    I like how you use somewhat proper capitalization and punctuation in this post and not in your title, synopsis and actual chapters. I looked over the first chapter briefly and it doesn't look good. You have too many grammar mistakes to make it even remotely readable or enjoyable, and i won't even try to read the content that is hidden behind this mess. If you want people to take you seriously then you need to present something presentable, so to speak. You have no capitalization and punctuation on half of your chapter and the rest is just a mess with random exclamation and question marks. There were a few words that you wrote in full capital letters too.

    0.1/10 It's questionable if you know the full alphabet and you clearly have no idea how sentences should look like.
    I don't even think your work even deserves a score because of how poorly it is written, i mean this is just a mess.

      Overlord_Venus And he was right to point it out as it is disturbing the reading experience, it may not seem like much to most readers here, but more experienced readers who have been reading proper books over the years will notice such minute details. Doesn't look like you have listened to his advice as i still see it in your synopsis and first two chapters that i looked at.

      The book cover is really unoriginal since anyone who has watched anime will know exactly whose eyes these are, but that's just my opinion.

      Spacing and paragraphs are very important, not only it is easier on the eyes it also makes it a better experience for the readers, and its a very good tool to use in writing when you are changing between scenes and dialogues. Furthermore, because you don't use any proper spacing and paragraphs you also can't properly capitalize the words since you write dialogues and narration one after the other without any breaks in between and it is very confusing to keep track of the characters involved in the interactions.

      As for the content itself is just about practice, you are obviously trying to imitate other webnovels you have read and there is nothing inherently bad about it, but it is not something anyone would want to read as it is written very poorly and has no redeeming qualities to it whatsoever.

      The only good thing i can say about you and your work is that you need to do it more and practice if you truly want to improve, mindlessly writing won't yield much progress and if you truly interesting then you need to take a few extra steps to improve your writing. There are many free writing courses on Youtube and the internet at large, so many sources of inspiration to draw upon, don't limit yourself to this little webnovel community and read some western Fantasy and Sci-fi, not only will it enrich your imagination and vocabulary reading proper English works, it will also improve your writing as well because you will see how the true masters write and you will learn a lot more from that than reading some barely edited translated webnovels here.

      Overall score i would say 3.5/10 Knows how to use English somewhat, but apparently has a broken keyboard since the space key doesn't seem to function.

          Positive_Lullaby
          Hello, I've read several of your reviews. If it doesn't bother you, I would like to know what you think of my work. You can leave a review in the thread. If it's not your favorite genre or you can't get past the synopsis, let me know as well :)
          Here's the link to my novel: Legend of the Gunslinger Mage
          And here's the thread: https://forum.webnovel.com/d/13905-rebirth-legend-of-the-gunslinger-mage.
          Thank you in advance.

              Elude Attempting to write formally > when i'm actually writing in casual prose on my phone. Weird flex but ok. I'm obviously doing rapid fire reviews here while on the phone without even editing any of my comments, so it's not without fault. People ask for free feedback and I'm giving it, just not for free. I'm going to roast them too so i won't feel like wasting my time, since i do derive pleasure from such degeneracy. If you think I'm going to capitalize I and add an apostrophe on every its and it is then you are overestimating my patience.

                  WinterBud The tittle is a mouthful, but it is capitalized correctly so points for that. The synopsis looks alright as well, but the overuse of colons and quotation marks is giving me an aneurysm.

                  So i have read the first chapter and i must say that it is in English. As for the content, nothing of substance to say. I don't read or enjoy this genre, so i don't even have a point of reference from which to compare the two. Personally i feel like there was too much attention to details and a rather weak character presence in this chapter. Usually the first chapter is a prologue that draws in the reader with an exciting introduction to the world and characters which didn't really happen here. Half the chapter she was posing to the camera with something in her eye, gave me ptsd flashbacks to Meng Hao, he also had something in his eye half the time. Again too much detail in inconsequential areas, but that's just me being a nitpicky over something i personally dislike. I don't like long winded writers that stroke themselves too much with their scene building. I did however like the setting there and how she got shanked because she of her persona on TV, reminded me of that hateful chick on Breaking Bad, she also got death threats in real life.

                  Overall 7.5/10 Written pretty well, maybe a tad unfocused at times. Not my cup of tea.

                      Positive_Lullaby Personally i feel like there was too much attention to details and a rather weak character presence in this chapter. Usually the first chapter is a prologue that draws in the reader with an exciting introduction to the world and characters which didn't really happen here.

                      But actually, this was what I was going for because of what would happen in the next chaps. Too bad I couldn't interest you further, but I might have gotten that part right, at least. Thanks again

                          WinterBud Write how you feel you should, don't listen to some random person on the internet that is telling you they didn't like something you wrote. Trust me, I'm a very hard man to please and you shouldn't even try. If you yourself don't see something wrong in the way you are conveying the story then you should keep doing that. Some people are all about these parts, some people just love when writers use a whole paragraph to describe a dress or some random crowd member that adds their inconsequential opinion of what's happening in the scene.

                          Don't take all feedback as gospel and just you do you, you hear what im saying?

                            WinterBud If you want to build an audience, you first need to understand your audience. Most readers on this website are very young and the attention span of our generation is very low and it is very hard to get someone's attention in today's climate. Here is some free tips for you.

                            Click bait titles, no joke. You should over hype most chapters to get more clicks and keep people reading.

                            Cliffhanger as much as you can, you want the readers to read the next chapter, so you must make them thirsty.

                            Advertise. 90% of the readers on this website don't even know the forums exist and they sure as hell don't come here and look for your posts. Here is what you should do, go on the most popular series on this website and just plug your webnovel there. Like your own comment, get some other accounts and ask your friends to like them, do some reviews and plug your work there. You can use this tactic to inflate your ranking too, no shame in that.

                            More people try your work = More potential readers.

                                Positive_Lullaby Thank you for this (and sorry OP for hijacking your post! I'll create my own next time!)

                                My problem was that I set up readers' expectations a certain way because of how I wrote the first chapter, and when the rug gets pulled from under their feet in the next chapters, I think many of them were disappointed and just stopped reading.

                                I'M REALLY SERIOUS, MISTER, THANK YOU. I was so lost on how to solve this problem, but now I think I'm going to rewrite the beginning using the second chapter as starting point. I'm just going to dish what the story's really about from the get go, no more trickery. I wouldn't have had this breakthrough without help, please keep doing what you're doing (when you have the time lels), I'll keep your marketing pointers in mind too (I'm not really an enterprising person so that might be difficult for me, but we'll see.)

                                Hope to see you around again :grin:

                                    WinterBud Good luck to you. As a writer myself i generally like to start from the end and work from there, like a dying old man once said, "I think there are two types of writers, the architects and the gardeners." So i fall into the architect category, I like every character and plot planned out and have every event calculated, while gardeners just have the seed, the initial idea for the story and they just write. They have no control of it, as the plant grows and branches into numerous characters and plots, and each type has its strengths and weaknesses. Most writers are a combination of both, so i would advise you to just experiment and see what works for you.

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