No you are not heartless
Need a bit emotional assistance(in my writing)
Panqiuyan
Been long since I saw u, mate
Hows ur novel coming along??
JunkieOverThe_Moon I'm good. Life has been busy, and I'm still writing.
Don't shove me away like you did…. S-son… I'm scared…. [I-I-I …. Wuwuwuwu…."]
Don't want to die or something along those lines?
perhaps something like While the tears rolled down her face, she said: "My son I'm scared..."
I think you should focus, more on how people act rather then what their thinking, in a perfect world writers would never write " he/she thought."
- Edited
eh, it’s alright.
No really, it’s in no way bad.
If you left it like that, it would still be good. You see, most writers have a hard time finding their own scenes as sad as their readers have, so you may not find it sad, even if it is.
However, since you came here for help, don’t mind if I do.
First of all, that death was too basic.
If that was the first time I ever read a book, then maybe I would be really sad. But the impact is lessened by the fact that I have seen such a death scene a thousand times already.
I’ll try to explain what I mean.
The use of a death scene has several reasons.
1. Set the mood of the story. Make the stakes higher and show that the story is not a lighthearted one.
2. Motivate a character.
3. Add some tidbits of important information, as people remember a lot from a death scene, since they are usually so impactful.
4. Most importantly, pry the emotion of sadness out of a reader.
There are still other reasons of why important characters are killed. Some reasons are less inspiring, such as -shit character, wanst to end story, pure shock value. But let’s not get into that.
Now, many writers already understand these points, which is why they naturally want to add them into the story. The problem her lies, if you want to fulfill all these points, you will write a story which is awfully similar to all the other ones.
Sometimes, less is more.
Secondly, the death has no weight
To add weight, I think, is the hardest thing to pull of. But it’s the most important. If you manage that, the reader count will rise, I promise.
So, I probably don’t care about the death as much as the main character does. Granted, that may be because I only read that one chapter, but you can still make me feel sad even if I know nothing about them (or only knew them for a short while, for that matter). [1]
The trick lies in the pacing.
Pacing. It was so important, I had to mention it twice.
Eh, sorry this is kind of hard to explain. It’s kinda something you have to feel I guess.
I’ll try to give an example though.
Have you ever read old classics, like Macbeth(great story btw), Faust, or Romeo and Juliet? They all have a similar pacing. The story starts slow and then begins to pick up, until they reach the climax in the middle, and then it falls down until it ultimately reaches the end. The graph kind looks like a triangle. They chose this format, because it is the ideal way to wring out emotions.
So if we apply this to a death scene, it will also work very well.
Start it slow. I don’t know if you have ever realized, but almost all Anime and TV shows cut the music, or use slow motion, when an important character is about to die.
The reason for that, is because you need that silence. That slow creeping dread. It’s in one way to prepare the reader for what is about to come, but also to create something like an “atmosphere”. The “oh shit I think the character is about to die” feel.
Then, this optional, but you could also deliver some hope. Not too much, just a quick little tap, but make us think, hey maybe the character won’t die after all. Add some optimism, like the characters behave in a happy way, even when they face death.
And then, you let it all fall. The news have been delivered. The character will die. There’s no escape. This is the point where you can add all these emotions which you did since the beginning. Tears are falling, things being thrown, general anger. I don’t know, do what you want to.
Next, it’s about time the character really dies. On the verge of death, it’s the best time to add something inspiring. Many say doing that is cliché, but cliché just means that it works.
Let me say this, a character who doesn’t say a cool line when they died, didn’t die. Fite me, it’s the truth.
This is also the point where the music would usually stop. In book terms, the point where everything should shut up. No descriptions of the surroundings, nor any tears. Only the dying character should be talking or moving.
And then, well, end then they are dead. Lights go out their eyes, smile fades away. Whatever you do to establish that. If you want to, you could also add some symbolism. Crows flying away, starts raining, glass shatters, only the sound of crying reverberates through the air. Just don’t go overboard.
And that is how you write a classic death scene. There are many more, some better, some worse it only depends on what you want to write. I only tried conforming to the scene you already established.
It also works for a sad scene in general, doesn’t have to be death. [2]
Third point, a death is not beautiful
Death is ugly. So a death scene should be too. Nothing worse than a heavily romanticized death.
When someone cries, they have snot, bloodshot eyes, and blotted skin. They don’t make beautiful faces. Try describing that, it hammers down on the emotions, as the scene will seem more realistic.
A person dying, does not have time to exposition the whole story. Nor do they have time to make a whole speech. It takes you out of the immersion.
Many die with regrets.
When they die, they will have a lot to say, but not the necessary time. That is what makes it so tragic.
Unless you make a post-death scene [3], where the dead gets a special chap only to say what was on their minds, all these things they couldn’t say, should stay unsaid.
Finally, the death should meaning
Another way to add impact, is by giving the death a meaning. How you do that, I have already described in the first point. Hurray, we’ve come full circle so I’ll end it here unless I list another 60 points.
Listen to some sad music, and these points should all come naturally.
Here are some links, all spoilers btw.
[1] Here fro example are the top 10 saddest anime moments. Even if you don’t know anything about the characters, they make you sad.
[2] Not trying to advertise, but as don’t have any other mediums so here’s a scene of my a character of mine finding out her sis is dead https://www.webnovel.com/book/10500707705049205/33809154263009006/Rebirth-of-a-broken-demoness./Brokenhearted
[3] Again, only have my novel as a medium, a post death scene, see the previous chap to compare her actual death https://www.webnovel.com/book/10500707705049205/31403683203828195/Rebirth-of-a-broken-demoness./Records-Of-A-Maid-(10.5)
Additional links
Naruto has one of the best death scenes
And one piece the best Non-death scenes
Hyowha
Thanks a bunch, frnd. I always felt that my EQ was low and I guess I found my answer. Thanks a bunch. I will start researching heck lot about these things but I guess it will take some time and heck lotta effort, so I guess u will not be getting the right thing soon(if ure even expecting it) but I will surely change it.... For thr better, I hope.
Acutelittletrap
Thanks. I will change it immediatelym. Even I felt it a bit odd, u know.
I personally, think if the writer finds it odd.
The reader will find it 100x more.
Also that was an example, of how I think a slight presentation change would improve your writing.
JunkieOverThe_Moon hey no prob, my EQ is pretty low too. Takes some practice but youll get there
Haha all of you talking about your low EQ, but I’m over here with no EQ at all!
HAHAHAHA!
Whats EQ, is it something I can buy?
Acutelittletrap I don’t know...
Acutelittletrap
Can u buy IQ? Can u buy intelligence? Can u buy brains?..... Wait, u can buy brains....
Anyway, If we cant even buy intelligemve, emotion is a far fetched thought.
By
Btw, if EQ and IQ we're saleable, I would be the first to sell them. Having a brain and a heart is too much work.... Being a zombie is more of my thing....
JunkieOverThe_Moon i lack cq and iq for my story. high five, buddy
Reinesse
High five
in the future, none of us here will be able to get a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Can we just marry each-other?
But, do we need love?
Marrying people is for tax reasons right?