Webnovel.Forum

Hellooo~! I'm here to offer novel reviewing. Sorta. This is a writing exercise that I hope will benefit many people in the community. But we'll see!

Long story short: I will be using a review method called "3 yes and 3 no." What this means is that with every chapter, I will give you three things that made me go "Yes! I like!" and three things that made me go "No! I dislike!"
These can be anything from grammar, sentence structure, story, pacing, characters, plot twists... Anything.

"Yes" doesn't necessarily mean "Good" and "No" doesn't necessarily mean "Bad." My goal is to help you as a writer understand what a reader thinks when they read their work. Readers are not always right.

I called this an "exercise," because it's a two-way street of helpfulness. I really hope that if you ask me for a review, you will also review some novels listed here. The most important thing for a writer to learn is what THEY like to read. So you will learn more by doing the "3 Yes, 3 No" on someone else's work. I encourage you to give it a try.

Okay... All of that is out of the. Now, what you really came here for!

When requesting a review from me! Please link your novel. Tell me how many chapters are complete. Tell me if you want my feedback posted on the chapter comments. Then tell me if you want an honest review (the 1-5 stars,) made on your novel. I will only review honestly, which means I will rarely give anything more than a 4 star rating.
When you update your novel with new chapters, please free to repost and ask me to review the new chapters. I won't add everything to my collection and won't review new chapters if not asked.

'kay. Thanks for reading my smol essay. I'm excited to hopefully learn a lot from your novels!

Nathair_Insint First victim-- I mean, customer. I mean.

Hello. Nice to meet you! Curious to know what inspired your story. The synopsis was short and sweet, but it made me go "huh... I need to figure this out."

Anyway! CHAPTER ONE!
+ The chapter title. No, I'm serious. The fact that you titled the first chapter as the opposite of the book's title is a VERY good hook. It is part of why I knew I had to at least read chapter one. Good work!

• Paragraph breaks. Every time a new character starts to speak, their dialogue should be a new paragraph. So when it goes from ["What is that?" Robert thought] to ["I am what you call a god."] You should create a new paragraph. Otherwise, it seems like Robert is the one saying/thinking "I am what you call a god." You do this many times, but it is a very easy fix that will make your novel much easier to read.

• commas VS periods. I can't teach grammar to save my life, but I can give you an easy tool for your toolbox. If you are reading something out loud and have to pause to take a breath, you put a period. If you are reading something out loud and have to pause for effect, you likely put a comma. For example, when the light bulb is explaining the dilemma, you have one sentence. It should be three sentences. Each comma should be a period.

• The acknowledgment of isekai protagonists having plot armor and "plot holes you could walk through" was really funny. It told me right away that the writer has some wit, which encouraged me as a reader to stay. Good work! Your writing voice is clever!

• / + After the "many hours later," things started to feel like a summary. I got confused and it was harder for me to follow. It is perfectly fine to have moments in your story where you provide an overview like this. It's actually a good pacing technique. So +Good Work+ for doing that.
  However, I felt like some parts that you glossed needed to slow down and be elaborate. What initiatives? Is he recruiting people? I have no sense for how long it takes him to recruit people either. You went from having an MC whose motives I know, whose internal thoughts I could follow, to making him distant. I don't know what or why, or honestly how, he is doing things. You could honestly split these paragraphs up into two or three whole chapters if you slow down and elaborate.

Also leaving a small comment on the chapter~! I'll pop back here for Chapter Two soon. I hope this is helpful!

BeriAH
Hello, this is my newest novel and with a new theme for me as a writer.
It still has three chapters, one chapter a day for now. I would like you to review my three chapters and leave a comment. If you can review it would be good too, but if not, when I have more chapters I make a new request? Well, it's up to you in that case.

It's a BL novel, but the first chapters are safe if you're someone who doesn't like this theme. The theme is not isekai, actually, I play with it, as you will see in the synopsis. Although the character is Chinese, there will be a lot of ethnic diversity. The theme is Sci-fi and ABO. I'll be happy if you can read, thanks.
Martial Cultivator Transmigrates to the Future ABO

You're welcome to read as many chapters as you can stomach of mine.

I write LGBTQ characters. So, understand if that's not your thing.

The only real story I have here is a WW2 historical fiction set in Japan. Told from view points of same-sex lovers Hinata and Eiji.

It's a slow developing story (like most HF) and there's setting swapping. I do this at a volume level to ensure readers are given time to know the characters.

I write to unfold, so things that may not make sense in earlier chapters (hopefully) come together in later ones.

Ok with summary and first two chapter impressions. Understand that the idyllic pacing can be a book drop for some.

The story: To My Sunflower
https://www.webnovel.com/book/12685931606615605
Genre: Historical fiction
Rating: M17+ or New Adult

BeriAH
Feel free to go through mine as well, since you were interested earlier. I love comments, especially since this is my first story.

BeriAH I don't have a direct inspiration, I take bits and pieces from everything that I've read. The idea just came to me at one point, and I decided that it would make a good book.

This is my first attempt at writing, so the first chapter was a little rough around the edges in many places -but also more humorous than other chapters. I have tried to re-write the first chapter a bit, using the critique that I have gotten.

The summary thing is basically foreshadowing and I have edited it so that this is more clear. I am grateful for the critique that you have given.

Nathair_Insint Thank you for responding! Honestly, first chapters are the hardest to write! You should never feel bad about editing a first chapter three or four times. Foreshadowing is super hard to do too, so kudos for trying it at all!

I will poke through the other chapters soon. When/If you do edit chapter one, let me know. I’m happy to re-read as many times as you may need in order to feel it’s perfect!

Take_the_Moon Thanks for stopping in! Gonna do my best to be helpful here.

Yes: You have a very poetic writing style. It makes the world you craft feel like a beautiful painting. Very elegant and delicate, and great for the mood of a historical fiction piece. Good job!

Yes: Emotional writing. Contributes to the dramatic tone. Great use of evocative descriptions.

Yes: Such a dramatic start!!! I know right away that the genre is drama and romance.

No: I will refer to my note about the previous story I reviewed. You use commas where there should be periods. Read everything you write out loud. If you can’t get it out in one breath, it probably needs a period. This is a quick fix that will greatly improve the quality of your writing.

No: I don’t understand the relationship between the two men. Why did he get stabbed? Why did he kiss someone? I am confused about what happened to result in the stabbing.

No: I can’t get a read on the emotions of the other two characters (the man with the sword and his wife?) At one point, you said the woman looked kind and spoke cruelly. This contradiction leaves me, the reader, confused about her. Similarly, I can’t tell if this Tao? Man is mad? Did he stab because he’s mad? Or is he sad? Why did he stab someone if it makes him sad?
You do a great job portraying the complicated emotions of the main character. A REALLY great job. But that makes the confusion about the other characters really stand out.

Overall... Lovely start! It really felt like reading a work of art. You have a strong talent for beautiful imagery and dramatic story telling. Good work!!!

Veronica8 Hello. How dare you break my heart with that beautiful first chapter. Shame on you for being so talent.

I’m joking. That was fantastic. Here I go!

Yes: You were worried about the pacing, but I thought it was perfect. With every memory that was shared, I became more excited for Eiji to come home. You shared Hina’s excitement with the reader, so that I kept thinking WHEN WILL THEY FINALLY MEET??? And then when the letter came, I was screaming.
Yes: Adding to the above point. The way that the memories started as long sequences and gradually got shorter was great. It added to the building excitement. If you ever do any editing, I hope you don’t change this! It worked really well.
Yes: THAT LETTER BROKE MY HEART. Seriously! I was devastated!! Here you have this beautiful protagonist and his one goal is to have his lover home. I think I’m going to read a cute love story... and then you take it away from me, in the best way possible! In that moment, I felt Hinata’s grief. Like Hinata, I felt so lost and confused. The future I thought I was going to read was gone. I sorta sat back in my chair was like... Wow. I lost my expected future too. I understand Hinata’s pain without you directly telling me.
It was a really powerful and well executed move.

So what I’m saying is wow. Anyone reading this review... Check out that first chapter. I learned a lot about pacing and breaking hearts from it.

No: Honestly... only grammar mistakes. The first I noticed was your use of “So.” The first time I saw it, you had a sentence that started [“So(,comma) when”] Commas can become road blocks, and isolate a word awkwardly.

No: There were a few sentences that were too long. Nothing major, though. As I’ve said to the other writers, just read them aloud and make sure you aren’t suffocating your readers. When readers get really invested in a story, they will subconscious hold their breath until a sentence ends. Sometimes it can be powerful (“my character feels like they’re suffocating. Time to suffocate my reader so they relate!) But I noticed these long sentences in moments where I wanted to relax and daydream about these two boys kissing.
WHICH THEY DIDNT CUZ YOU KILLED HALF MY SHIP.

No: The (parenthesis) were not necessary. UNLESS it is a stylistic choice. Rule of thumb: Parenthesis contain information that I could cut out and not miss. The details you put between them were SO CUTE AND PRECIOUS that I would have missed them.

Okay. That’s it. Great job. Thanks for breaking my heart.

BeriAH Thanks for that. Appreciate it.

BeriAH
Thanks for commenting in the chapter and reviewing here. Well, yes, my fault I already knew. Me and the punctuation are opposites! Okay I'll use your tips, maybe help me more.
Well this new novel is based on the world of a novel I've been publishing for a while. Let me summarize your conflict with these items:
1. Tao Kang is not crazy he was only fooled by the bad rumors that were spreading around the city defaming the MC, besides his wife who is a cruel person.
2. The wife being kind and cruel refers to the tone of her voice being kind and persuasive to her husband, but her words are cruel for the MC, in this case the content of the words.
3. Tao Kang is something like Bi sexual, but it's a shame to like a men.
4. The MC before meeting Tao Kang, was normal straight, had his wives as dictated by the social rule of that time.
5. The MC kissed Tao Kang and was reciprocated, but Tao Kang fled and then months later he returns, only to end the great evil of the city, which by the malicious rumors is the MC.
6. In fact, all this is a plan of Tao Kang's wife who discovered his homosexual or bisexual tendencies, not wanting her husband to have a male concubine or something similar, or worse, to abandon all women just to be with a man.
7. In the end, Tao Kang himself regrets killing the MC because he feels guilty, since the reason for him to do so was not only the rumors or being deceived by his wife, but his own prejudice against people with a sexual orientation different from his own.
8. These characters are part of the novel My Yin turned Yang.
9. Thanks for the compliments.

Nathair_Insint Here is your chapter two review!

Yes: There is some smart thinking here. I liked that the system understood to use the underground as a means of taking over. It adds depth to the story.

No: The long sentences are very distracting. I had to work hard to read this story, because the overuse of commas was exhausting. I strongly suggest you go through your existing chapters and fix the sentences. You are writing good material, but it is hard to enjoy it.

Yes: You are a great writer. You write good imagery and bring the locations to life. I like what you have going on here. When the commas/periods are fixed, your novel is going to really high quality.

No: I am confused by the timeskips and what is going on. It is very important that you tell the reader what the main character’s goals are. Otherwise, it is hard to root for them and hard to cheer for them. Even though the writing is fantastical, I have no reason to keep reading. I don’t know what Robert is doing.

Yes: Your characters have unique “voice.” I can tell who is speaking based on their dialogue habits. This also lets me imagine what their voices sound like in my head, and makes the novel feel more real.

No: The long lists that the system provides. I gloss over them. I would suggest limiting lists like this to two or three items, and only really important ones. If they’re all important, don’t list all of them. Have the characters talk about them.
Ex.: He scanned the list, which the reader did not have to see because it was mostly unimportant. There were a lot of items that had their attack power or defense listeted. Neat.

But one item stood out to him.
“Hm... and why is this item more expensive than the rest?” He pointed to the really cool item.
“Because it is super powerful and does this plot important thing, hint hint foreshadowing.” Said the system.

... You get the gist. This is easier to read, but still gets the point across.

BeriAH Thanks, I will go over the second chapter when I have time. I have already edited the first chapter.

BeriAH In terms of the main character, he doesn't really have a motivation. He has been thrust into this strange world and he doesn't know what to do.

Nathair_Insint Second chapter has been updated. Thanks for the help.

Agreed wit ChaosFawn

@yaoyueyi necro thread may need a lock.