Seconding the above comment. Here are some steps you can take to edit your own work:
1. Periods. End sentences with periods.
2. Put dialogue in "quotation marks." You are often forgetting to close dialogue with the final quotation mark.
3. "When dialogue ends with a period." You start the next sentence with a capital letter. And a space between the closing quotation mark and next sentence.
4. Watch your tenses. "She entered her car and zoom off," is two different tenses. It would be "She entered her car and zoomed off."
5. End questions with question marks.
6. The first chapter is almost entirely people talking. Where are they? What do they look like? Do they make expressions? Do they move? Did anyone bring weapons? Were guns fired, or knives thrown? Tell me stuff.
Once you go through these basic things, you can ask for an editor. But right now, I think there is too much work to be done.
I suggest you go through your work and apply these self edits two or three times. You won't benefit from someone else editing right now.