Blackcrust just posted a review on your novel!1
July 2020: Review Swap Here
ElianaG Thanks ... Will post mine soon
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Breno_Ranyere
I revied it.
Here I'll speak about some point you don't want to have on your page, but I think you want to hear me out
First of all, you never use "beats" in your writing. You might know of them and have chosen to not use them; however, I feel like they could do a lot of lifting. For example, during the very first convo (the one with the beast and the hunter team) They go on and on with voice lines yet they never do anything else than talk? You should add in some "Hey." Marcus waved his hand. "Wait up". Style stuff since in this you tell much more and give the reader a lot more to go on. Beats would also help you identify who Is doing what - sometimes I got lost on who was speaking etc.
Also, you should find a better way to switch pov. I like to see a Third Person Omni, but it's hard to pull off on Webnovel.
Second, though you want to have a comedy, not every character needs to be a comedian. Some characters might do something funny in a way that they never intended etc, but don't have everyone be a comedian.
There were some adverbs, but you kept it to a minimum. Plus, when you showed us something you did it well.
Anything else you want to know please ask. My review was kinda short, so if you want more then go ahead.
f1n thx for the feedback!
ElianaG I just posted my review .... genuine advice as a reader that (1): please don't use word like billions and trillions on a whim ... those numbers are too large. (2) : Many places, I observed that you are talking about the kingdom and suddenly you said they were using an N99 mask, and making vaccines. Even if the kingdom is highly advanced pls try to explain things so that it becomes more believable.
Sorry if my reply agitates you but the point of all this so we all can improve.
Hi! Would you be interested in a review swap? My novel is BL/LGBT+, but not smutty (so far). :) I am open to honest reviews, and am willing to elaborate more on what needs to be fixed or improved on... Just tell me do you want the criticising here on this thread or in the review itself...
Ping me if you are interested!
Story: The Vulgar Mortal
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/17290755605240705
Blackcrust
Done.
Let me give you some advice. Don't rush with writing chapters. I learned this the hard way, and so advice not to do the same.
Also, you should, if not buy, try out ProWritingAid and just use hours to fine-tune chapters. Why? Well, because when you know what you can do at your best, you'll be striving for that when you are writing something new.
The book really says: "This is my first ever book." But don't be discouraged. If you put in some time to learning instead of writing till you hit word marks, you'll be doing great in a half a year.
Any other questions? If so, feel free to ask. Happy to help
LinShui
Sure. I'll do it in a day or two, not really into it right now, or maybe I am, idk.
If you want you can do mine now or whatever. + I'm not looking for reviews either, I'm looking for critique more than anything.
You said.
and am willing to elaborate more on what needs to be fixed or improved on.
Would you be willing in exchanging in a more long term help of the other? Like going over a chapter in exchange of chapter?
Sure! I can go over a chapter and outline things that I find off, not fitting, or has grammar mistakes if you so wish. :)
But, how are we supposed to do it? Also, I have a full time job besides this hobby of writing, so I might take some time to give feedback. :)
Also, also, I'm not a native speaker of English, so even though I can catch most of grammar mistakes, I'm in no way an expert. Hope it's fine. :D
f1n Can you point out some hardcore mistakes that I did ... I would like to improve on those points as well .
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LinShui
Lemme explain. The problem with this thread —for me — is that the feedback is vague, to say the least — I myself do my reviews which stay on peoples timeline in a way that is meant to attract readers. Then there are places like Scribiophile or whatever and others. r/destructivereaders being my favourite. Those give detailed and helpful feedback, however, they only go for 1 chapter at a time. Which is good for Novels that I try to write, but in the instance of a Web-Novel? Not so much.
What I am seeking out/offering is as follows. You might not be sure if something fits your story, but you have no one to go over the chapter or talk about the idea. When this happens, you can come to me and ask for my feedback. In turn I'll ask for something of equal value — This'll be in most cases simply going over a chapter of my story.
You help me, I'll help you :)
The major one right now is the way you simply write things. I feel a lot of authors hand appearing in your writing.
Dialogue is long/tedious and you use it to infodump. Also, you sometimes go too far in explaining things.
For example. A piece from your story.
since there are mo initials, we can't be tracked when we sell it in the black market.
You just delete this. This is all you going and explaining something unnecessary.
Vezku_Biceps#7984 <———— My discord. This isn't the place to talk too long about these — Huebot will soon be on my ass.
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f1n
That sounds fine to me. :)
But for now, I will read through the three chapters you have up and jot down some notes. I will ping you within 24hours. I will go through in detail what I find and in exchange, could you read my story (how many chapters is not so important, but if you could read through at least 3 would be nice) and leave me a review? Honest one is fine. :)
Most importantly, where you want me to leave my critique of your writing? Here, or somewhere else?
SHEPHARDBOT I think you posted twice, so I'll answer twice. Sure, let's review swap!
let's review swap!
my novel is - City treasure hunters
The first to write a review I will give one advance stone
P.S. I do not write reviews on LGBT topics
YoungOneStories
Hey can you tell the name of the story ? I dno why the link dosent work on my cell. It just takes me to explore.
I will start reading and review within a couple of hours
Anyone up for a. Review swap ??
My story is
Saving the world together.
Ping me. I will review within an hour
red_grapes
just reviewed your work.
It was great