Gibby I tried that way once, it was a bit messed up ... So I thought To make this one a bit silent.. but I guess I need to find a balance between the 2... thanks for the response... I will try to find a balance in chapter 2(Today was Holi in my country a big festival of Hindus.. I was free, so I thought of writing it.)
Rate the first chapter of my Story- This Paradise of Mine
Miya no!! I am @UnhingedTaboo...
This Mago reminds me of Count Olaf, where Lemony started how grimm he was until the end of a first print.
Your Mago is pale version of him but I think your first chapter reached a justification which is quite good.
Try to make your reader evaluate his surrounding, but dont staple too much on a familiar things.
TooLongDidntRead This Mago reminds me of Count Olaf, where Lemony started how grimm he was until the end of a first print.
Your Mago is pale version of him but I think your first chapter reached a justification which is quite good.
Try to make your reader evaluate his surrounding, but dont staple too much on a familiar things.
Hmmmm. a rate of 7.5 or 8/10!
TooLongDidntRead Who is count Olaf? .. and I will try to show more of Mago(P.S. one of his habit is that he beats his siblings if they don't perform upto his liking... )
TooLongDidntRead but dont staple too much on a familiar things.
I don't understand what you mean by that??
TooLongDidntRead Lemony snicket.... I read a bit on wikia... and he seems to be a Tim Burton character through and through!! No need to summarise him.. I found out.. and thanks for the review..!!
GoGo cant rate now bcause, so far,,,"an outcast puchased 2 candy, pick up his siblings from school to home while asking about assignmemt and told watchman to watch over them meanwhile a ruffled man got surrounded and killed and wardboy mc took dead body to the destination...and some esper thing". but seems interesting some term i know- world building , character , plot+ armour ,depth, interaction, dialogue,theme....., last everyone have their own (maybe different from other) taste.