Bramha Shitlij Mago or Mago for short was very popular in his school, but not in a good way. Some say he takes drugs, some say he is a thug, some say he feast on human flesh. There are even some who have seen him close to primary school waiting for kids to come out. There is a rumour going on that if you see him in the eye for more than 10 sec, you will soon experinece nausea.

And this is all because of Mago’s appearance, his tall body looked like that of a deceased person while carrying strong medicinal smell that makes people distance away from him. His face was nothing to look at too, with sunken cheeks and dark circles around his eyes all year around. Being an introvert, not much was known about him in the class, nor was he focal point of any group discussions. He was a mystery to most and an enigma to self proclaimed conspiracy theorist of the college.

Today, as he got out of his classes and started moving toward his scheduled direction, no one was walking close to him, it would be a lie to say he was not affected by this, but he didn’t voice it out.

The direction he was moving towards was a primary school, as per in the rumours where he was spotted searching for his prey. His steps were slow as he was not in a rush to reach there, and as it was time of the day when most of the schools ended, there were students all around with small stall owners camping outside of the school to attract young mind to buy there services, which most of the time was junk food.

He moved toward one of the owner and purchased two sticky candy on a stick which was shaped like a pony and a lion. This candy was not expensive, it was just refined sugar with food coloring added in it, but as Mago used to eat it when he was young, he thought the same for his siblings and thought to give them a treat.

Mago pick up his pace after stuffing both of the candies in his bag, when he arrived at the school, the students have just started pouring out of the gate at once, at their age the drive to reach home was much more than the student’s at Mago’s college who took time to gossip before going on there way.

The students pushed and pulled each other to become the one to go out of this torture paradise first, they were using all sorts of tricks just to move closer to the exit, by the side the adults were only laughing at the childishness of these youngsters while searching for their own. This is a scene that Mago was very much used to, he was once a child like them too and it was his mother that always welcomed him and took away the burden of the books away from his back. Those memory of Mago was one of his favorite. He was doing the same here for his siblings. He searched for the twins to come out. And as if fate has listened to him for once, he can see 2 small figures who side by side help each other to fight in this war.

Both of these fraternal twins one boy and the other a girl had a wild personality and strong body, Mago was pretty strict with their diet and exercise. They were still in the growth stage and he doesn’t want anything lacking for his siblings, this in turn caused them to be a bit more muscular than an average primary schooler. This result was something Mago was very proud of, but it was a headache for the school faculty as these two were the bosses in their own classes and always beat up other kids at small indignation. Mago had been called out by the principal many times just because of these 2. But with his list of excuses and the line “Ma’am! They are just kids.” He easily got over this predicament.

Getting back to reality he look over and saw that both his siblings were standing in front of him with a straight face. “Let’s go!”. With a small order they started following him back without a word. While leading his siblings home, Mago handed both of them the candy he bought, but their face didn’t change much.
“Thank you brother!”x2
Looking at Muron and Lokya, who started eating it earnestly, he felt happy inside, though they didn’t show it, he knew that they loved it, as they were his own blood brother and sister. No one would know them better than him, they were like him.

As they were moving in the residential area where they lived, Mago suddenly asked Muron. ”Has both of you completed the assignment yet?” Mago’s stern voice interrupted the daydreaming Muron back to reality, she looked at her twin brother Lokya, who was occupied with gnawing at the head of the lion and then focused her eyes on her older brother.
“No brother!! Not yet, we are facing trouble with infinite series for the time being, but we have completed the essay on the Ancient Baharut Empire and the rest of the language studies.” Muron replied after some thought.

Muron was a bit surprised, it still wasn’t the time for both of them to submit their assignment yet, her older brother has given them a week of time, and it 4 days were still left before deadline.
“Good!” Mago just nodded his head and didn’t speak any further. He was surprised to hear that they have done his task this fast, he has restricted most of the online encyclopedias and other baseless websites, so that his siblings has to do some research on their own on the old Empire, he thought that it would take most of their time, but instead both of them have already completed it and instead facing trouble in analytics.
‘Seems like I need to change my focus back to maths, they are having such trouble in something so miniscule?’

Both Muron and Lokya looked at their brother with a questioning look, they didn’t know why their brother asked this question all of a sudden, but hearing the word “Good!” they sighed in relief and get back to eating their candies.

Seeing that their apartment complex is just around the corner, Mago looked back and like always told his siblings. “I want the homework from school completed before 6pm and by 7 I want to see your training clothes when I come back.”
By this time both of them have already completed their candies and were looking forward to having a rest at home, and hearing their brother. They happily replied.” Yes brother.”x2

As they reached the apartment gate, the watchman instantly let them come in, he was used to seeing these trio of sibling everyday, he wasn’t on guard nor he needed to do any procedures for this trio.

As mago saw his siblings enter the building elevator, he turned towards the old watchman and asked as always.” Uncle please see to it that they don’t go out to play.”

“Haha!! Little Mago, you don’t worry and go back to your work, they won’t go out on my watch.” The old man has known Mago for a long time, he knew the personality of this young man, even though he looked like a druggie thug and maybe he was a druggie thug and his part-time job was just a ruse, but the old man didn’t care, he was not one of those nosy ones, he will do his job and won’t let those twin go out.

“Thank you Uncle.!!” Mago without setting a foot inside the apartment complex went on his way.


10km east of the city, in the one of many lanes made for traversal from a field to another, a man sat with his legs sprawled on the dirt filled ground while appreciating the golden crops ready for harvest. The titillating smell of wet dirt brought peace to his mind and soul he looked up at the sky and spoke. “This is paradise…… My Paradise!” All the tiredness the man experienced for the last 3 months was all gone now. The man took off the communicator watch from his wrist and crushed it with a his strong grip, the broken watch produced some noise, then a smoke started coming off from his hand.

He threw the broken watch into the dense field filled with golden crops and broke into a grin, all his nervousness and fear was gone now, in the end he will get what he wants ,when he wants and the way he wants.

The watch flew off in the sky passing few hunched back figures that were moving toward that man while hiding from the plain view, they were wearing the yellow military vest which helped them to blend in the environment. When they reached 150m radius of the ruffled man, they all stopped and positioned themselves to cover all the areas closing any path of retreat.

They were breathing at a steady pace not generating any sound as all their guns were pointing toward the ruffled man even though they couldn’t see him. Though their sight may not reach that man, but their bullets can.

The ruffled man has just noticed that he was surrounded, but he didn’t moved and kept appreciating what was left of him, he knew that those people won’t attack him until other espers arrive, and he was also not in a hurry too, it wasn’t like he was scared, but he was content with himself, nothing can scare him anymore.

“Fauzi! He doesn’t look like a man who has given up.” Before long 2 men were walking on the same path and moving toward the ruffled man, they talked without restraint as if all the tension those hidden in the crops experienced was nothing to them.

“Hmm! Seems like this will be a good fight.” The man named Fauzi was surprised seeing the expression of the ruffled man. Though he was a bit annoyed by it, Fauzi still knew how to enjoy his job. He just took out a giant knife from his back that turned blurry along with half of the man’s arm.

“A good fight it will be!!” The ruffled man got up too and replied to the men in front of him.
It has arrived.
His death has arrived.


“Ward boy!! Take this body into the morgue D room 2. *ding” In the reception the paramedics squad has just bought in a dead body who was recently hunted by the police. All of their expression was plain as it was nothing new to them, seeing the ward boy coming towards them, the paramedic squad just left the body in the underground lobby and went back to their work. While the old woman who sat on the reception went back to her work.

From the side Mago came into the reception hall wearing a sky-blue ward-boy outfit, he tilted his head and said. “Hello Mrs Vadhwa!”. But noticing no response, he can only bitterly laughed inside and started pushing the stretcher toward its destination.

Before long he disappeared from the reception with the body and brought it to the postmortem room of section D which mostly dealt with the esper bodies.
“You sleep here Mr. Somebody will come and clean you soon.”
Mago moved to a corner and started pressurizing the embalming liquid canister, it was one of his jobs.

Mago worked as a ward boy in the Government Hospital of Talos city. He was in the Morgue department. He loved this job because the pay was good, and he hated it because he had to come in contact with countless dead people and their parts.

But the pay was good.

That’s all he has dreamt for.

This was his paradise!!


Chapter 1 end!!
@Neverfire7 @gorky @Cilliez @Ucoid @Everyone( I knw it doesn't work... but I did it for the heck of it.)

    Gibby Let it suck. your pee pee will get big!!

      GoGo You have too much description for the detail it makes the novel look like shit and be hard on readers.
      Use more action and shorter sentences with more complex words to describe things if you need to.
      You can stretch the chapter with multiple events slowly describing everything you want, but by bit. While keeping the reader interacted.
      You can use conversations as the primary way to describe things. it would sound better if filtered by opinion of bystanders. And it can be changed each time.

        GoGo Seriously it sucks I am trying to give you sound advice. Don't insult. It's your choice to follow it or ignore. But every writer will have a negative feedback at some point.

          Gibby I tried that way once, it was a bit messed up ... So I thought To make this one a bit silent.. but I guess I need to find a balance between the 2... thanks for the response... I will try to find a balance in chapter 2(Today was Holi in my country a big festival of Hindus.. I was free, so I thought of writing it.)

            GoGo :) Alright I will look forward to chapter 2. But if you post it today I might not reply soon as I will be a bit busy. :)

            Gibby nah! Nah!! I didn't insult... I was saying Your pee pee will get bigger if my novel sucks it!!... try to understand bro!!

              Miya @Gibby is @Gibbs

              GoGo Yeah, it's like Gibby said, try more dialogue. Just try to experiment until you can find a balance you like. Intriguing start though.

              This Mago reminds me of Count Olaf, where Lemony started how grimm he was until the end of a first print.
              Your Mago is pale version of him but I think your first chapter reached a justification which is quite good.
              Try to make your reader evaluate his surrounding, but dont staple too much on a familiar things.

                TooLongDidntRead This Mago reminds me of Count Olaf, where Lemony started how grimm he was until the end of a first print.
                Your Mago is pale version of him but I think your first chapter reached a justification which is quite good.
                Try to make your reader evaluate his surrounding, but dont staple too much on a familiar things.

                Hmmmm. a rate of 7.5 or 8/10!

                TooLongDidntRead Who is count Olaf? .. and I will try to show more of Mago(P.S. one of his habit is that he beats his siblings if they don't perform upto his liking... )

                TooLongDidntRead but dont staple too much on a familiar things.

                I don't understand what you mean by that??

                • jkip replied to this.

                  TooLongDidntRead Lemony snicket.... I read a bit on wikia... and he seems to be a Tim Burton character through and through!! No need to summarise him.. I found out.. and thanks for the review..!!

                    GoGo Gibbs might be deleted soon. Or permenantly banned.

                    • GoGo replied to this.
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