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  • I would like someone to evaluate my story

I have written this story I think twice. The fist one is still in webnovel, discontinued while the new version is being written as we speak. I would like an editor to take a quick look of it, if you want you can compare my works as well. I am not quite good with the language and writing in Tagalog is really out of the question. Tagalog has far difficult grammar and vocabulary and I don't really quite get the gist writing in the language despite of being a Filipino compared to English. I would like some pointers, that'ls all...

    Allen_Clay012 Although I didn't read all of the chapters, noticed quite a few things in the Prologue:

    • Watch out for tenses when writing, I noticed you wrote in present tense. It is fine, but for readers, it can feel more comfortable for it to be in past tense.

    You can refer to these two blogs talking about it:
    https://ditchwalk.com/2010/07/05/scrutinizing-third-person-present-tense-pov/
    https://www.aliventures.com/choosing-viewpoint-fiction/

    Past tense is more 'natural,' while present is more 'immediate' but risks feeling off. Of course, the choice is still yours.

    • Make sure to check into having the right tenses.

    Check this example in Paragraph 6 of the Prologue, I noticed some trouble regarding tenses:

    "While he was walking, he noticed that there are suspicious men tailing him."

    The problem in this line is how you went from something that was occurring in the past to something in the present. I would change the 'are' to 'were,' since it was something that happened before the current event happened. This also happens in the second to last paragraph, where you wrote in past tense even though the story is in present tense.

    • Check punctuation on dialogues.

    I noticed some problems with your punctuation when it comes to the dialogues, for example:

    (Prologue, Paragraph 7) "...there might be a fortune in his purse." the ruffian's companion added...

    In dialogue, you wouldn't end what a person ends with a point ( . ) if you later write 'he added' or 'x said,' instead, you add a comma ( , ):

    "...there might be a fortune in his purse," the ruffian's companion added...

    You do add the point if it's something else, for example:

    "I'm going to the supermarket." She ran down the street.

    I noticed this one in Paragraph 18:

    "The boss is waiting for you." then opens the door.

    I'd write it as:

    "The boss is waiting for you." He then opens the door. (Don't forget to capitalize!)

    You can check this website for probably better examples and explanations:
    http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/#:~:text=The%20dialogue%20is%20enclosed%20in,other%20parts%20of%20the%20sentence.

    I hope this helps!

    Edit: I'm kind of a new-ish editor (not for Webnovel) but if someone finds any mistake in my message, I'd love to hear and improve

        Allen_Clay012 Hm, not sure about how much these can help (haven't exactly looked into it), but one I recommend is Grammarly. It has a free version that I use quite a bit and it offers a Chrome add-on or a desktop app.

        Another I recommend is: https://www.grammarcheck.net/editor/ which I used as a final check. I recommend writing in other programs and then using this to check.

        The last one I use is google docs grammar check, that is already incorporated into it.

        But remember, don't blindly trust the machines, make sure to check what is wrong and if yours is better or if the machine's. Some time the machine checking gives me some random or weird 'wrong' warnings. It usually happens when it comes to names and so, but do check.

        And of course, do remember these are still machines, the best is to be able to learn continuously and not have to heavily depend on them.

            BonitaPearl is there any way yo contact you? I mean I cannot send PM but I would like to return the favor. Just drop the title and I will search for it.

            Also, due to some issues I have to change country names to fictional ones but with a taste of the real world.

                Hello,

                Just note that there's a forum rule here that any self promotion is made only to one thread, which is refreshed monthly. This includes feedback requests for your story.
                https://forum.webnovel.com/d/41603-september-2020-promote-your-novels-here

                For startup feedback, check out the swap thread to see if it would suit. 
                https://forum.webnovel.com/d/41604-september-2020-review-swap-here

                A good idea to read through this post to be up to speed on how the forum runs. https://forum.webnovel.com/d/35073-welcome-to-the-wn-forum-read-me-faq-included

                All the best. 

                  Veronica8 I forgot about that part. I only intended to find an editor to somewhat evaluate my work. Anyways, I call on @yaoyueyi to block this thread if such provisions are violated.

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