Webnovel.Forum

Katzenliebe I looked to your first chapter and I think your doing well.

I can give you only one advice at that point,

• You should improve your synopsis.

If you write 50 or more chapters probably you will get more accurate advices on your novel.

But I think first chapter is really good.

KIRAN I'll read it too, I'll get it in by today.

edit:
@KIRAN

Alright, so, um how should I put this... (idk if I should put this on a review, a review to me is really personal so... no)

Grammar:

In terms of grammar, I really suggest you get it checked up by a grammar tool thing like Grammarly (It's a website if you didn't know), or even Microsoft Word because there are a lot of errors that I think are really just need to be revised on, like capitalizations and I think you meant to write lockdown in the first chapter, you wrote lookdown, but I'm not completely sure because it was written that way for like an entire chapter.

Some of the more notable mistakes were:

You used a lot of these; ...
I don't think that they should be added to each individual sentence (It's starts near the end, where the narrator talks about the floating mountains and sponges). I'm not completely sure what effect you were trying for, but it looks like someone is thinking in a haze, or is confused.

There were some verb issues:
For the most part there were a lot of verb issues, and it is like forgetting verbs, it's the tense. Near the beginning you used present, near the end you used past. In some cases it's fine, but it was kind of really weird because the present was pretty consistent and the past was then just boom past now.

Also, sometimes there would be some verb mistakes, but like I said, getting something like Grammarly (It's free for most things) is really helpful.

Words:
There are a lot of typos with the words, as in the typos are like lookdown. Try to look at those, sometimes things like Grammarly can't find them.

Format:

This is the heavy bit, I would suggest you switch how you write it. I've seen and read your writing and it's in a journal format (this isn't a bad thing, Dracula by B... something... Stoker was written like that too). You really are stating observations and conclusions, what the mc feels and how they react to the new world. If you were to continue writing in the format you are now, I personally think that it might start getting confusing. OR it could be written like a Poirot mystery, where Hastings is depicting his thoughts and the events simultaneously. That works too, but it's really a mechanism to purposely confuse the reader during a mystery.

lemme explain:
Hastings was someone that was of maybe below normal intelligence, and by viewing things from his view, we get his view, a probably impure value of things that has bias. It was easy to pass some things on as useless because this was Hastings who did not make the connection. It's possible that through your reader you give further insight into the world, which you did, but it was kind of in a journal format, so I still suggest a journal format (it might be easier).

Also, the description of why the world sucks was really long. If possible, it could be better to shorten it into one chapter because some of the things were dragged out for a long time even if there was no need. It might not hook in the reader (Like I'm one to say O.o Literally wrote 10 chapters worth of talking) because it's also a political topic that may dissuade some people of the... other belief, unless that was your goal.

I would also add in some more people to talk to, like maybe a boy or girl or alien. For a story, it's kind of bland without more characters.

Other than that, I really liked the idea, (and the sponge, idk why I imagined a sponge that had this cute face on it going 'squeeze' in this super kawaii voice) and how the problems are solved (via magic sponges and salty fish).